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Pride Event

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by OnTheHighway, Aug 30, 2015.

  1. OnTheHighway

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    This weekend I travelled by train to Manchester Pride with my boyfriend. Aside from watching San Francisco's Pride Parade back in 1994, this was actually my first Pride event I have both proactively attended and participated in. We attended having planned in advance to walk in the parade with an LGBT charitable organisation that I support. This weekend was also my birthday, so we were killing two birds with one stone.

    Even after all the progress I have made on my journey since coming out to myself, I was completely taken aback by the wave of emotions that hit me over the past 48 hours. On the one hand, I had viewed the event as sort of a book end opposite to the first book end associated with my coming out. But what I realised, is that I actually still have a way to go on my journey.

    I absolutely loved the sense of community and connection I felt being amongst so many others. The sense of accomplishment that overcame me for having the confidence to walk in the parade, being filmed on TV, and watched by so many was so massively intense. While I did feel some degree of anxiousness, having my partner with me really helped ease my nerves, as did walking with thousands of others.

    I was ashamed, at the same time, at the beginning of the day of feeling some lingering internalised homophobia; which I thought had all but diminished by now. The rainbow of diversity, while impressive, caused me to compare others to myself and question the need of others to be so flamboyant and outrageous, where I am typically more reserved and conservative (if there is such a thing amongst LGBT).

    As the day progressed, and we went from the parade to the street parties, I found myself proactively engaging with others - Drag queens, lesbians, other gay guys. And the more I engaged, the more I sensed my emotional wall coming down.

    I am on the train now heading home. Having a bit of a headache from being out way too late, maybe having a bit more to drink than I am accustomed to, but sitting next to my partner with our arms wrapped around each other, and tears began to role down my cheeks.
    My partner simply looked at me and smiled.

    And here I am typing away with a huge smile now myself. Wanting to share it all with you.
     
    #1 OnTheHighway, Aug 30, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2015
  2. TeaTree

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    Wow. This was so inspirational and full of hope. Thanks so much for sharing, I really needed to read something like this now. (*hug*)
     
  3. EastCoastGrl

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    This post made me tear up a little. It's so great to hear about how much being a part of Pride affected you. I totally understand how you feel.

    Pride was yesterday in Austin Texas, and it was amazing. This year was super special with marriage equality. Everyone was so happy. The energy was simply electric.

    The Parade was super and one of the more impressive parts of it was the Apple (the company) contingent. They had 4000 people marching.

    I'm glad you had such an amazing experience at Pride. :thumbsup:
     
  4. OGS

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    Great post. It's amazing how moving these events can be. I've been to at least one every year for over twenty years and they still really hit me.
     
  5. Weston

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    Happy for you! I too am affected in much the same way at Pride events (even though the actual parades have become ever-more corporatized and boring).
     
    #5 Weston, Aug 30, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2015
  6. bigeagle

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    Great post, sounds very emotional weekend for you. I don't live too far from Manchester and was aware of the Pride Parade - however, I'm not at the stage where I could attend such an event. I admire your courage and hope I will find some soon!
     
  7. steve200

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    That really is a great post. I have recently begun taking steps to come out. Reading this post really makes me want to attend a pride event. I never have yet as I just began coming out and unfortunately I missed the one in my city this summer. I'll have to attend one the next opportunity I get. Thanks for the post.
     
  8. Weston

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    Those of you who are reluctant to attend a Pride event for fear of being seen and identified as gay should realize that the vast majority of those in the audience are straight people — often families with kids — for whom Gay Pride is just another summertime activity. Of course, people might wonder when you break down in floods of tears, as I did at my first Pride. I still tear up today, with three parades under my belt (the last as a participant).
     
  9. skiff

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    Hi

    What do you mean by homophobia?

    A) dislike of LGBT
    B) healthy concern attending a gay event knowing
    there are nut jobs who would love to act out at such events

    I still have (B) apprehension as long as nuts exist.
     
  10. OnTheHighway

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    Not the black and white type of homophobia as you reflected. While I felt I had fantastic support after coming out from my family, friends, workmates, etc; I did get comments suggesting there were limits to how I should express my new found gayness. Suggesting its Ok to be Gay, just don't be camp or flamboyant.

    At the time of the initial comments, I brushed them off and ignored them although it certainly stuck in the back of my mind. And even within the past few weeks, I had one supposedly supportive family member make such a comment - but this time, I aggressively pushed back and accused that person of a double standard. Surprisingly, the reaction to my berating suggested remorse and a lack of understanding, which was all good and well; however I was still rather pissed off.

    So, when I was up at Pride, and saw the openness of expression first hand, at first I was anxious, but gained comfort as the event progressed as I previously stated. I would like to think I have resolved the issue completely, but I am sure this might continue to linger with me for some time to come. The good news is I have been able to recognize it, focus on it and be opened minded thus allowing myself to heal.
     
  11. SaleGayGuy

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    Hi OnTheHighway

    I’m so pleased you came up to the Manchester Pride and had such a good time on your birthday, and that you managed to clear away some of the emotional damage from the past.

    I’m an older married guy who discovered later on in life that I’m gay and come out just over 2 years ago. My first pride as a spectator was last year with my very supportive wife at my side, we both enjoyed the parade so much and I immediately regretted not getting a ticket to the 4 day event itself. But as a newly out gay man this was a first big step for me, and as Weston said most of the spectators were straight so I just blended in with the crowd and nobody would have known I was gay. As I had struggled with the isolation of the closet to be in close proximity to so many other gay folks was very therapeutic and tears flowed.

    This last weekend not only did I watch the parade with my wife but I was joined by 2 of my gay friends, the first time my wife had ever met any of my gay friends and she was completely OK with the situation (except hugging and kissing guys was off the menu). This in its self was a big step for my wife and I but the biggest step for me was going back to the pride event, getting and proudly wearing the admission wrist band, and entering that magical wonderland. Being surrounded by thousands of other gay folks was completely overwhelming that I broke down in tears several times but the folks I was with understood.

    I think, especially for older closeted guys, going to pride is a very important step in healing the psychological damage that has built up over the years of conscious and sub-conscious oppression. I know that many of us think were too old to start, or we have the wrong body shape, or we don’t look like a model, but standing watching the thousands of folks over the weekend I realised that most of them were just regular folk just like me. So if you’ve never been to pride before make sure you go next year, you will fit in.

    Before I go I have to say the most important part of pride for me was the closing ceremony, a candle light vigil for those who had died from AIDS and those currently suffering HIV related illness. My best friend from my teenage years died from HIV related illness in the early 90s and I didn’t find out until after his funeral and have always felt guilty about that, this way my opportunity to remember him. It was also a stark reminder that even though I regret not realising I was gay until my mid/late 40s and think of all my life I’ve wasted I’m very lucky to be alive when many gay men born the same year as me have not survived.

    Manchester Pride 2015: See pictures of the moving George House Trust Candlelit Vigil - Manchester Evening News

    Sale Gay Guy
     
  12. SimplyJay

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    Cool. Glad to hear you enjoyed it OnTheHighway. And deff a cool way to spend a birthday!
    I've enjoyed attending Pride festivals whenever I've went, and yeah there's always that horm happy feeling after you've left. I like that too :slight_smile:
    I personally could never be *in* a parade though (even had the opportunity this summer and didn't/couldn't)

    I might be going to another pride festival in a couple weeks myself :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 1st Sep 2015 at 09:47 PM ----------

    I noticed your location said 'Denver' ... Having gone to the one down there multiple times, I can say its good, and tons of people attend.
     
    #12 SimplyJay, Sep 1, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2015
  13. OnTheHighway

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    What struck me most while walking through the streets in the parade was the magnitude of people watching along the streets and the diversity they comprised. Not only were other LGBT watching, which was expected; but families, children, older couples, as if any other parade. I was completely surprise by that.

    There were some with homophobic and religious messages, but they were minimal and they were exponetionally outnumbered.

    The support was massive.
     
  14. Moonflower

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    Your post was beautiful. It shows that stepping out of our comfort zones can allow us to find community, sharing and love with others. Hopefully I'll be able to work toward doing that as well.
     
  15. SaleGayGuy

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    Let me start by saying what follows is not my intent to offend anybody reading this, and I apologise if I do but it’s written from the perspective of someone who was a teenager in the 70S when the world was a different place.

    Hi OnTheHighway

    I read your post on the Manchester Pride with great interest. It was a fantastic day and I’m sorry that I rambled on a little in my initial reply on your post, I’m a rather wordy person.

    I wanted to pick up on your comment about feeling ashamed at feeling uncomfortable with the flamboyance of some of the participants. I too had, and to some extent still do, have an issue with it and beat myself up about it but for me it doesn’t quite feel right to call it internalised homophobia .. Let me explain.

    As I mentioned in your post I’m 55 and only realised I was gay later in life even though I’ve always known that I was “different” from other guys i.e. not really interested in girls. Part of the reason I didn’t think this “difference” was being gay was that the only gay people I had ever been exposed to were in the media and were the ultra-flamboyant, men in drag, and the overly camp guys speaking with a lisp.

    Since I didn’t feel that I was like, or wanted to be, any of the media portrayed gay guys, and at the time I wasn’t consciously attracted to guys then I didn’t think I was gay .. I was just different. Of course now I know that the people I thought represented 100% of gay folk are in fact just a small part of our rich culture and that the average straight guy, or gay for that matter walking down the street wouldn’t recognise the other 80 - 90% of gay guys even if he fell over them.

    I hold the Medias miss-representation of gay people responsible for keeping me in the closet for so long (not quite right because I only went in the closet for a while after I realised I was gay) and I wonder today how many youngsters are going through the same faulty self-analysis that I went through.

    My feelings of unease at the presence in the parade of the Over the top and ultra-flamboyant is not that I have anything against them, in fact they add a fantastic vibrancy and key component to the parade, but to the knowledge that the media inevitably only show that one small section of the parade on the TV and will cause confusion in the next generation of gay men.

    Anyone who stood and watched the whole parade would have seen the true diversity on offer, I think the footage shown on TV should more accurately represent the facts and show for example the football, rugby, water polo teams that just happened to be made up of gay/bi men or the teams of volunteers of the various LGBT charity, or the musicians.

    Having realised that it was the Medias miss-representation of gay people and not the “Fabulous People” that kept me a prisoner in my own body for the last 30 years I had been far more accepting or our rich culture.

    Hope this has created food for thought

    Sale Gay Guy
     
    #15 SaleGayGuy, Sep 2, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2015
  16. Bearfix

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    Excellent post On The Highway and quite moving, I've yet to go a pride plus I've not been out long either but this has given a lot of inspiration via the whole thread.

    Thanks :slight_smile:
     
  17. SimplyJay

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    The first time I went to a pride festival I was surprised to see kids/families/straight people attending.
    I also didn't expect...that I'd feel 100% comfortable and like I actually fit-in/belonged there.
    Now I look forward to going every year :slight_smile:


    The one time I watched a parade, I think the thing that surprised me the most was the sheer number of entries that were in it (and especially there being a number of churches).
    It was pretty cool seeing all the tons people watching that parade (can't imagine what it'd be like seeing it from the opposite side of the fence, I'm sure that gives a whole different perspective)
     
  18. Weston

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    Seeing it from the other side (which I did this year) — well, it's just a blur of faces. Every so often one catches your eye.
     
  19. greatwhale

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    I consider it a privilege and a duty to attend every Pride event that I can, and to march in as many as I can.

    This comes from a place of gratitude to those brave souls who made it possible for us to enjoy the freedom to be who we are, where this is now possible, and to remind everyone that we are still not free to be who we are everywhere.
     
  20. tscott

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    I'm so very happy for you. Making those connections with others unlike ourselves in the LGBT community is so important.

    The previous summer I did not attend Pride in Rochester. I went to a gay camp that was a Bear Weekend with friends, however, there where others who thought, as I had newly come out, that attending Pride would be a better experience. So this year I made a conscious effort to attend Rochester's Pride Festival.

    Rochester is a fairly small city so the parade was not as grand as what I've seen of New York's or Toronto's Pride. I already sing in the RGMC which is a fairly diverse group, but what I didn't, expect was the true diversity of the parade the lesbians, the trans, the large number of allies both marching and viewing. I had a knee injury so I got to ride in the chorus truck with the speakers. I was in a position to view more than if I had been marching. I was seeing probably for the first time all the facets of our community.

    I also saw for the first time those that hated us and would truly prefer to stone us more so than spew their vitriol at us. As a Christian I was embarrassed. As a gay men I was outraged. Just a block before there had been young straight couples with babies in strollers cheering us on.

    Being out on the stage singing before everyone was a treat. Even more so than our concerts, because there were so many groups and demographics represented. I can truly understand how you must have felt at Manchester's Pride.

    Still there is so much more to do.