I think daily about the coming out process. I have many friends, most of whom are very accepting of all lifestyles. However, I have not made my orientation known overtly to them. I have been aware of my sexuality for 40+ years, but have only let it be known to a few remote friends. What advice do any of you have for beginning this too long postponed coming out?
I imagine most of them already know or at least strongly suspect. You don't say anything about a wife or family, so what have you got to lose? If you do lose a friend over this, then s/he was never a true friend in the first place. I came out to my wife and grown children (and then the rest of the world) at 63; last night I met a 78-year-old man of many accomplishments who only recently came out and is now volunteering his time to talk to middle- and high-schoolers about his experience. It's never too late to be yourself!
sam888man welcome to EC :welcome: Can you tell us more about your situation? What does it mean to be aware of your sexuality for 40+ years? Are you married to a woman but gay? Are you a gay man who has been with other guys but hasn't come out to friends and family?
A bit more about myself: I have never married. I came out partially in 1972, but after some weird counseling went back into the closet with friends. I know I am being cowardly, but I just can't find the right ways or courage to make the revelation after so many years of treating sexuality as a non-issue for me. I am embarrassed to have kept this part of me secreted from the many people I am very close to. I know the reaction will be fine, but something stops me from taking the step. There are so many people I know after this long in life that I suppose need to be included in the coming out. Who out there has done it and what was a good way to do it?
I came out last year at 41, after 13 years with a man & 3 kids. I know it's not the same thing that you are going through, however, it was very difficult as I felt like there was a mask that I had to remove in order to reveal my real self. I don't know that I have any wisdom for you, but I am here for support. For me, I did it like ripping off a band aid; Not the correct option for many, but definitely had to be done like that for me. Every time that you tell your truth, it will get easier. Now I run a lgbtq+ meetup group for my area to help our community meet one another and to offer support to those who are thinking of coming out, or newly out... or whatever their journey is. Just remember that your story matters, your happiness matters, and this place has the most amazing support ever!
I would recommend you choose those whom you know to be allies, or those people who have had someone come out to them previously. The first person I came out to was a good friend of nearly 20 years, but who had also been out since he was in his late teens. That he was best man at my wedding made for an interesting conversations after the fact. I had some family members, coworkers, and friends who I came out to next, and each occasion was wonderfully free of drama, with each person being very supportive. I mean no disrespect by this; I would posit to you that many of those you would feel you need to come out would be "of a certain age." This doesn't make people more tolerant really, but people are less surprised or shocked by things as they move and grow through life. Once begun, this process is so very freeing, and I would hope, as was the case for me, that you will find a world of new, and rich experiences.
I think you are making this too much of a project. Instead of coming out, why don't you just BE out? Your friends will get it (as I said before, most of them either already know or strongly suspect that you are gay). Any behavioral changes you make will no doubt spark conversations, and you will not be obliged to initiate a difficult coming out "announcement."
