Greetings! Yes, I fell for the headline: 5 Signs that You're in the Wrong Relationship and clicked on the bait, but after reading it, I recognized a lot of what went south in my marriage. Maybe you will too! Here are extracts from some of these interesting insights: I wonder to what extent this reinforced my own closet, always wanting to please, thinking that love meant constant self-sacrifice... Wow, this was a biggie with me, going through the motions, day after day, without enthusiasm, without joy... Giving up and changing yourself for the sake of peace, for not rocking the boat, etc. Well, of course... In many ways, a marriage can be the most perfect closet of all! You have every reason to forget who you are, and if the partner responds to that, if they are used to getting their way, even better (for the closet). What do you think?
i see my marriage in a number of those quotes, the question becomes, how to grow the relationship with you, and a future partner.
My wife and are arguing over these very issues, well, I can't say what we're doing but these issues are coming to bear while we attempt to extricate ourselves from the morass that was our marriage. Fear of having nothing if you divorce is a huge motivating factor. This was very much a concern for me since I knew having to support two households would be next to impossible. This is already turning out to be the case. She left her job when our daughter was born due to the fierce cost of child care for our two children, especially in the summers when our son was out of school. Orange pants would be a nice problem to have for many of us.
3 and 4 especially hit me pretty hard here. They were true for me. Thing is, I knew it even during the relationship. I knew it wasn't a "right" relationship, but that didn't keep me from staying. It's about 4, I think. You give up. You give in. How frighteningly, eerily accurate. I click on these articles all the time.
Those really hit home. My husband and I were just going through the motions for a while, and that was exactly what it felt like. I'm probably the only one who will ever say this, but: Coming out to my husband saved my marriage. It got us both opening up to each other and being honest for the first time in a few years. He started truly listening to me again, and I started to actively care about our marriage. It was like dating again, and getting to know each other through a new perspective lens, and it felt really good. It took time, but I'm happy again and feel like, well, me. I like those articles too It's a guilty pleasure.
Those articles personally get me all sad! If one of the "symptoms" are true. Still, they can be addicting sometimes. Oh no, my girlfriend and I both wear orange pants. We both wear the pants in the relationship, at least
greatwhale! Great post! Super valuable. I recognize all of it. Hopefully having had a relationship like that helps us grow I think a relationship like that is also a very safe place to be. We don't have to take responsibilty for what we need or who we want to be. We can just forget all about it. The closet is also a safe place like that. We can pretend like we don't need much and don't feel much. At least that's my experience.
I know in my (recently ended) relationship that I definitely subjugated myself. My wants and needs ceased to be in an attempt to keep the peace, or I'd just resign myself to certain things cuz it wasn't worth the hassle or hostility I would deal with otherwise. Finally, I had gotten to the point where I could no longer keep living that way. Things are crappy and I'm burning my candle at both ends trying to still do everything but in a single parent role. That said, I'm finding for the first time in my life that I am honestly caring more about myself. I have a list in my mind of the positive changes I need to make, and they actually feel a little more grounded than they used to. None of it is too difficult per se, eat healthier, take care of high bp, get in shape, quit smoking (yeah not so much fun), but these things seem much more doable now.......whereas before I felt much more lost and not sure where to start. I'm finally starting to get some confidence back I think.
