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After sex with my best friend...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by kinsey, Sep 5, 2015.

  1. kinsey

    kinsey Guest

    I'd been in love with her for years, she never knew. But I finally told her I was bi. (I'm married, in my 40s, kids. It's complicated.). She surprised me by saying it made her jealous to think of me with another woman. That no one in our lives would be surprised if we wound up together. She wanted to try having sex with me, to see if we could work.

    So we did. It was sweet, and hot, and she was willing and not shy. Never once did she seem uncomfortable, or not enjoying herself. I made her orgasm, and it surprised her. Then she made me, and she took her time and told me I was beautiful. After, she said something like "Next time, we'll try xyz." I was thrilled there'd be a next time.

    The next day over breakfast, she said surprisingly that it was nice, but she liked the penis better. She needed that thrusting. I said, maybe this would just be something we did when the mood struck. She said sure. A week later, after I checked in with how she was feeling, she said she came to the conclusion that she wasn't into it. Not a lesbian, preferred men. Oh well. So much for that.

    But I'm kind of baffled. How does this work? I guess I figured if you don't like it, you sort of know right away. There are tons of men and women I could never even begin to have sex with. I have to at least be a little attracted, turned on. And then I'm sure even if I started to kiss someone, but it wasn't working for me, I'd stop. Wouldn't you only keep going if you were having fun? A few days after she told me she preferred men, we'd had a lot to drink and were out with friends, including my husband. He excused himself for a minute, and a male friend kissed her then me, for fun. Then she turned and kissed ME. I just don't get it. When I ask her this, she brushes it off as alcohol induced. But I think alcohol just allows you to do something you want anyway.

    Can anyone shed light on the whole sexual experimentation thing? Have any friends that tried it, seemed to like it, then say they didn't? I know the classic speculation is that she's just scared, but I don't know. It would have been so much easier had she just declared she's hetero and never experimented with me. Or if she seemed not to like it, or pushed me away during it.
     
  2. Thirdtimecharm

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    Oh my gosh, I am so sorry Kinsey. I can't say I have had the same experience but can offer support and a ear to listen. I really don't think someone would continue through if they did not enjoy themselves, it would make more sense to me that she did really enjoy it and thought to herself afterwards oh my goodness, what now---being that your married with kids. Is she also married? I understand the complications and also understand the desire that must have existed for you guys to have been together. I have learned that people, if they are afraid of something, will do anything, say anything and hurt whomever in order to avoid dealing with or accepting their truth. Sometimes someone's truth--their true desires scare them. It's easier for them to ignore them. Seems to me that she may be having trouble accepting some of her truth. Give her some time, maybe now that you have shared that experience, her initial reaction may be fear...but she may have a need and a want for you that will become over powering and she will come to you again...good luck.
     
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  3. OnTheHighway

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    Sounds like she had a need to experiment, wanted to try it and either a) as she says, she decided she does not like it or b) the experience raised questions that she is not prepared to handle. Either way, its best that you respect her position (which you never suggested otherwise of course). She might come back and want to experiment some more; but i would be extremely careful not getting emotionally tied to her if she does. Then again, she might just carry on and be content that she has satisfied her own questions and concluded she is straight.
     
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  4. CapColors

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    I send warm sympathetic thoughts! i guess the only insight I can offer is that sexuality is super complicated, and how you emotionally process the event even days later can affect how you *remember experiencing* it. So how she seemed at the time to you may in fact be different than how she eventually remembers feeling. Which sucks. I send my best vibes.
     
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