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How to be a liar??!!

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by CameronMR, Sep 6, 2015.

  1. CameronMR

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    I am not ready to tell my bf that I'm gay, not until I've spoken to my counsellor and read the books I checked out of the library...

    Until then I've told my bf that I need space and he is giving it to me, for the most part. I've told him that I have zero sex drive and I am not really interested in doing anything physical but even when he kisses me, I just can't stand it. He figures he can get me into the mood if I just let him... He will grab my boob and it will really piss me off, after a kiss the only thing i wanna do is spit, it grosses me out so much... But when I kiss a girl it feels so good, like I never want her lips to leave mine, softness you can lose yourself in....

    I don't really think I need advice, I know what it will be -be honest with your feelings and so on...

    I just feel like a liar and no matter what I do this is gonna devastate him. I just find any touch from him, Other than a hug or peck, really repulses me, it's disgusting. He'll never "get me in the mood." Ever.
     
  2. TeaTree

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    This is exactly how I feel. I told my bf I'm gay a month ago though I think he is still in denial phase, aka he thinks I'm just bored, confused or something. But I also told him I don't want to have sex again and I can't imagine how could he digest this in other way than going through a phase of denial first.

    Anyway, I understand you don't feel ready yet. And I understand how it is to feel like a liar when you are not ready to come out to someone.
    I feel like this now, after spending two days with my friend from high school and all I could think about was that I would like to come out to her. But in the same time there was this strong weird feeling which shut me down..like I felt I'm not ready, I don't have enough evidence or something, that I should come out to her when I'll be gayer or something, when I'll have gay friends or a girlfriend, or sexual experience and so on. Which is crazy and made me feel so uncomfortable and such a big liar around her all the time. I had this voice in my head "you're gay, you should tell her you are gay..."
    It's like there is this shame growing inside me if I keep this from people...
     
  3. kinsey

    kinsey Guest

    I feel the same way. I sit with close friends, talking about intimate things, thinking "you don't even really know me. You think you do. But you have no idea." And I feel like a liar. I have a friend who is bi, married to a man like I am - she was actually my first sexual experience with a woman. She is not out as bi to the world either, but because she has always known this about herself, she doesn't struggle so much about the inauthenticity part like I do.
     
  4. bi2me

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    I go back and forth on this. Sometimes I feel really badly, but other times I feel like it's not anyone's business. I did decide if my husband and I ever weren't together, I'd tell close friends and family before I started dating anyone to hopefully head off the "it's a phase" comments if I were to date a woman.
     
  5. OnTheHighway

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    Why are you concerned if it devastates him? Might sound like a harsh question, but have you given thought to the fact that if you prolong this lie, your only making things worse for him?

    Now, if the real answer is that your simply not ready yourself, then just call a spade a spade and deal with the consequences.

    Your in control of your own destiny. So til your ready to come to terms with yourself, and given he has no idea, maybe have a little consideration if he wants to kiss you.