Feeling incapable of carrying on

Sounds like a very similar experience leading up to when you finally decide to make the plunge. I was at a very similar spot. Good Luck!

 

It does indeed sound very familiar. With luck, you will come out, you'll go through some tough times (though probably not as tough as what you're going through now), and the world will go on. For what it's worth, in my experience, mixed orientation couples who get along well in their marriages do best in the aftermath.

 

Yes, that does make sense. When you come out (even if only to yourself), a part of you dies — the old you — but at the same time, a new you is born. The new you is who you really are, free of the shackles of trying to conform to the demands of society and other people. I'm not religious, but I imagine what we feel is equivalent to what evangelical Christians refer to as being "born again." It is an intensely emotional experience.

Something to keep in mind is that it's not just you that has to adjust to the feeling of dying. Your wife, if and when you tell her, must also accept that the you she thought she knew is dead and that you are no longer the same person (and yet you are!) I used to tell my wife, soon after I came out, that it would all have been much easier had I just been hit by a bus: she'd be sad for awhile, then she'd get over it and go on with her life. With me still around, that's so much more difficult to do.

 

I'm a novice in this department but my instincts are, a) tell your family. Be open and honest. Tell them the reason why you feel the way you do. b) ask them for their help, this gives them a stake in you. c) tell them how you feel about them. Do you still love them? If so tell them.

Keeping anger and anxiety pent up, with them not knowing, can do a lot of harm.

Later

 

I have been going through this for a while and everytime I see the light at the end somethig happens and I am almost back at the begining

 

Echoing everything Weston said and he's spot on with it, their the type of feeling you're getting and will get. You have probably heard the saying countless times "it's gets better" and it does it really does, the time it does get better goes on your coming out experience and how well it goes but either way it takes time to process too.

I've read about people coming out and it going well and settling the processing stage as I call it after a couple of months, I read about people having horrific coming out experiences and it's took a year or two.

After all the dust settles good or bad I've only read about one person out of probably 1000's that it didn't get better and I've read some bad stories, that person had not accepted it personally and got out by someone he was hated by, he's probably still walking around with a chip on his shoulder now.

Sadly there are experiences where people never face the coming out and just can't face it, with being there myself like at a lot on here If only they had come out or spoke to people at least, some will carry on and be totally miserable for the rest of the days with regret, some end it Some just crash and burn and it breaks my heart.

Even the best of best coming outs still take time for the aftermath to settle, I'm utterly kicking myself for not coming out earlier than I did, the emotional hell was unbearable as many are and have gone though and I wasn't even married.

Good luck with your journey, times a superb healer with it, the time depends on your surroundings and how it goes. No coming out the closet after being in for a while is ever easy.

Bearfix....I wish you all the very best.

 

You want a controlled release or destructive explosion?

You have a choice. It is coming one way or another.

 

Perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect. I love the analogy.

I use a "train wreck" analogy. Do you jump off the train, hoping to land well or do you ride it out and die?

 

Or maybe take over the train and direct which tracks it can use.

 

Excellent way of putting it.