Hi everyone, I've been away from this forum for awhile but good to see some familiar "faces" still around. I've been in kind of a limbo state most of this past year as my wife and I have been separated, and I have attempted some small experiments with being gay. Tonight we decided that we would divorce. There is still a lot of love here and I feel hollow and very sad right now. She always seemed like the "perfect girl" for me and I have been really down on myself for turning our relationship upside-down. At the same time, I've been considering this moment for awhile and it seems inevitable. I probably haven't been able to truly explore my sexuality because we are still technically married. Logically, I realize that I'm probably gay but I don't feel it it my heart yet. I'm really unsure of what comes next. It's as if I've been working on a massive painting for years, and now it's gone and I don't know what to do. I guess this is some kind of progress because at least something has changed. I know I have to let her go. Anyway this just happened and I have nowhere else to talk about it, so here I am.
Hi NerdBrain, I can understand how that must make you feel really sad. Try to remember that one ending is just another beginning, and that in order for you both to move on, this is probably something that needs to happen. I don't know that that's helpful to hear, it kind of sounds like a platitude from my end, but I know it is true as well. Thinking about you (*hug*)
While you may not feel it in your heart, your heart does seem to suggest your going down the right path. Divorce is difficult. The decision to do so really sucks. But if it helps you find yourself, rest assured its best for you and your wife. As you have no need to rush, take things slowly and as they come; as you have been. This is a big step and certainly forward progress, but more steps lay ahead. Here for you!
Hey nerdbrain, This definitely rings with me right now. I'm going through something similar, except I'm about to be married in 2 months. I'm seeing a therapist now to try and figure some things out. A lot of my past history and some basic facts (like how I'm mostly just attracted to men sexually) suggest that I'm probably gay, but my heart just doesn't completely feel it. I'm very torn over the idea of ending a relationship with a woman I love (and I do love her) to go off and try to find a relationship with a man, when frankly I'm not even sure that would be what I want. Yes I had a relationship with a younger man recently where I felt emotionally connected (still do, but we've stopped having sex...it's a bit of a confusing relationship at times to me now, but I'm being faithful to my fiancee now) but what if it was just about him and not about the fact that he was gay or whatever? I don't know. I'm just nowhere near being ready to let go of my fiancee.
Thanks everyone for your support. As my therapist says, there's no way to get through it but to go through it. Right now it sucks. I've been pretty off today. No one to talk to, not much to do. Just watching tennis with my cat on a Friday night Maybe the hardest part of this for me is not having a plan. I don't know what I can do tomorrow or next week or next month to improve the situation. Hopefully my feelings will shift and I'll see some light at the end of the tunnel. ---------- Post added 11th Sep 2015 at 07:58 PM ---------- Also, CameOutSwinging, I'm sure you've heard this advice already but if there is anything you can do to postpone the marriage, try to find a way. I'd give this advice to anyone uncertain about marriage for any reason. It's a commitment and you shouldn't go into it if you're unsure you can hold up your end, regardless of your feelings for her.
aw nerdbrain I feel for you. I'm in your area and would take you out for a coffee or drink except we're not allowed to post things like that on message boards. But know everyone here is thinking of you and offering support. Can i ask how long you have been seeing your therapist? And how long between when you decided you should not be married in your own mind until you and the spouse broke it off? I'm sorry that the only way through it is through it. Please keep us updated. ________ CameOutSwinging I agree with nerdbrain 100%. I would never wish suffering on anyone, but as much as it hurts to postpone the wedding, it's for the best to be 100% sure. Heh, well I was 100% sure when i got married and also in denial about myself up to my eyeballs. At least you have a chance to figure stuff out before making that commitment.
Thanks for your support, Rachael. You can communicate with other members directly if you apply for Full Member status here on EC. As to your questions, I've been seeing my current therapist nearly a year. That's around the time I decided to separate from my wife. We had been married about a year and a half, and we'd been together a total of about 4 years. How long have you been married? Where are you in your process?
