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what do you think?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by CameronMR, Sep 13, 2015.

  1. CameronMR

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    I am about to come out to my lesbian best friend. She used to be with men, and through her own personal struggle she discovered she was lesbian, not bi like she thought. We have known each other for about 20 years and I thought I would be able to rely on her for emotional/moral support in my journey/struggle to come out. I came out to her twice and was dismissed both times. Here is a letter I have been crying over for 2 days that I want to send her. what do you think? (I'm changing names, her name isn't really Amy)

    Dear Amy,
    I feel like in my life's journey, and in the struggle I have been dealing with this past year that you would be one of my biggest supports. Maybe it was unfair of me to rely on you so much or to expect such support. You've been where I'm at, failed relationship after failed relationship with men... You know what it is like to finally realize what you should have known all along... gay, not bi. I look to you for support, advice or even just someone I can vent to when I am frustrated. I came out to you twice and both times you completely dismissed my struggle. I told you I am gay. You laughed and said oh no honey, you're bi, I know it, I know you. Ok, fine, I did more soul searching. I read books on womens sexuality and sought counselling. This isn't a trivial thing, to discover your gay. You don't just pop in and out of closets at will. Not when you have a family to to think about. I tried to find any reason to doubt I was gay. I tried to convince myself I was bi. I even gave my bf a second chance when I was going to leave him because I was trying so hard to convince myself I am bi, not gay. It didn't work. I have been depressed and completely numb on the inside. TO the point where any male body fluids that come into contact with me give me the dry heaves. AMy, I came out to you a second time after this heart wrenching struggle and again you dismissed it. You told me that I can be bi and still be with a man even if im bi. Did you really think you needed to point that out to me? I know how to be bi. I was living as bi for 27 years, I know what it means to be bisexual. I have had girlfriends come and go over the years and so I am not new to sexual encounters with women. its not a passing phase. On orange is the new black you know how cindy had to ask to be jewish 3 times before she was accepted, well is that whats happening here? Do i have to come out to you 3 times before you will believe me? Amy, I love you, you are like my sister. Please hear(read) my words. I AM NOT BISEXUAL, I AM GAY. I do not like men. At all. Not even a little bit. And when I confided in you, I thought you, of all people would understand and be accepting and it really hurt when you weren't.

    ---------- Post added 13th Sep 2015 at 03:14 PM ----------

    Why is it so hard to tell a lesbian you're gay too...:frowning2:
     
    #1 CameronMR, Sep 13, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2015
  2. confused04

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    i'm sorry, i feel like she definitely shouldn't be so dismissive! i think that is a good letter though.
     
  3. TeaTree

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    It's very cool that you have a lesbian best friend, but I have to be honest, I cringed a bit when you said she dismissed your coming out to her two times. I really don't understand why would someone do that? Especially someone who went through something similar. Maybe because it doesn't fit exactly with her own experience? Or she just cannot let go of the image she has about you in her mind.

    Anyway, the letter is really good, you should try again with her especially that she is a close friend, as you said.

    But in case she will react the same way please don't let it bring you down. You know your truth and her reaction shouldn't influence that.

    Anyway I do hope this time she will be open and accepting.
    Good luck and let us know how it went (*hug*)
     
  4. rachael1954

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    CameronMR,

    Your friend sucks. She of all people should know better than to act that way.

    I am so sorry she made you cry and you feel the need to write a letter. It is a good letter and I hope it gets through to her. That really sucks when the one person you thought you could depend on withdraws her support.

    Long distance hug!! (&&&)

    I like your letter, especially the part about Orange is the New Black. Who does she think she is, some spokesperson for lesbians? That her opinion represents all lesbians and you need to defer to her?? Hopefully this letter will open her eyes.
     
  5. go figure

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    I'm sorry your friend isn't being a supportive person for you right now. I can't even imagine why she would put you through that kind of treatment. (*hug*)

    I thought your letter was beautifully written and I hope she reads it and comes to realize how in the wrong she has been.

    Please take care, and remember nobody knows you and your thoughts and feelings better than you do. So screw anyone who try to tell you otherwise!! :thumbsup:
     
  6. Thirdtimecharm

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    You letter is really good, but made me really sad---sad that your best friend has made you feel such a way that you have to come out to her in a letter and basically explain yourself to her. Your best friend, of all people, should be supportive of you and who you are no matter what. And since she is a lesbian herself she should totally understand where you are coming from.

    You deserve someone who accepts you for you, and your journey. What you feel and go through is not for someone to judge, especially your best friend. I hope she realizes how judgmental she has been to you and fully accepts you with open arms and stops her dismissive attitude of your journey.
     
  7. CameronMR

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    I had a long talk with her after i sent her that letter. As it turns out, she was excited about it, but was worried she would influence my journey one way or the other. She wanted my journey to me authentically mine. It turned out well as she apologised for hurting me.

    Thank you all for your kinds words of support!
     
  8. TeaTree

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    Whew, that's a relief :slight_smile: I'm so happy for you it turned out well and she finally understood (*hug*)
     
  9. CameronMR

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  10. High Art

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    This is good news :slight_smile:. I'm happy for you.
     
  11. go figure

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    Yay!!(!) I'm glad she came around. (*hug*)