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finally saw my counselor today...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by CameronMR, Sep 14, 2015.

  1. CameronMR

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    This is the first time I had seem my councelor since admitting to myself that I'm a lesbian. I spoke of my journey, my fears about coming out and the possible outcomes I had considered. He said it was amazing how strong I am, and that he thinks I am comng at this with grace. He was very impressed at how considerate I was of my bf and his feelings.

    He asked how it felt to be out to myself, neither one of us had vocalized the word, Lesbian. I said it was very freeing. He said say it out loud to me, tell me your a lesbian. I did, and it was the strangest feeling. I have said it to myself, but not out loud to anyone else. He smiled and said I would need practice, and that I should practice saying it to him. lol

    I am going to write a Dear John letter, not to give to my bf, but to clear my head, to visually see what I want to say. How I will react. He(the counseller) said I can read it to him, and from the perspective of a male, give me feedback. So, I have an appointment with him in a week, then after that I feel I should be ready to come out to my BF. I am equal parts excited and terrified! I even put together a list of things my bf might say, and I formulate a response to each one that is kind, respectful, yet sets clear boundaries. I do the same thing for a job interview...haha

    ANyone else formulating any coming out plans? I have to plan it out or I will be an emotional wreck....
     
  2. High Art

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    This is encouraging!
    I want to tell my husband tonight. We have limited time together these days, and I will be going out of town for 3 weeks on Wednesday, so it's kinda now or when I get back. I'm tired of keeping this from him, I feel it is unfair to both of us.
    I not prepared to leave heat this point... I thought I was, but after spending some family time together recently, I just don't feel ready.
    So my plan is to tell him that I have been seeing a counsellor that I've been questioning my sexuality, and feel at this point that I am gay. I gong to say that this is a confusing and difficult process for me and that I feel I need to be honest in order to give him the chance to start processing this as well. I am going to preface it all by telling him that I love him and care about him, and I'm telling him this out of respect for our relationship.

    I should probably write a dear John letter before talking to him... That's a good idea.

    I really don't know if I'll find the nerve!
     
  3. CameronMR

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    The letter might help you get your thoughts in order! <3 Good luck!! I'm rooting for you!

    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 14th Sep 2015 at 02:23 PM ----------

    theres a dear john I love jane support group in Vancouver...tried to find one in my area with no luck, but that might be something you could take advantage of, and here I am assuming that you didn't already know about it!! lol if you do, great! if not, now you do!
     
  4. mellie

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    (*hug*) Hey lady. Just wanted to tell you you're not alone. I'll be telling my husband the truth in counseling next Tuesday. My therapist and I hashed it out today and decided it would be the best thing to do at this point. Glad I have people to go through this with. Keep us posted.
     
  5. CameronMR

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    Thanks, Mellie! I would love to hear how it goes for you! All the best! (*hug*)
     
  6. High Art

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    Yes, I've connected with the group leader, and am planning to go to my first meeting on Tuesday. I'm nervous and excited.
     
  7. CameronMR

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    Please let me know how that goes! Wish there was something like that here.
     
  8. High Art

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    I will. I did meet with the coordinator a couple of months ago (they were on haitus for the summer) - it felt awkward, airing my secrets to a stranger - but it also made me feel really gay... in a good way, in a confirming way - and then also tragic - because... well.... you know - husband.

    ---------- Post added 14th Sep 2015 at 03:21 PM ----------

    wishing you the best! I guess all three of us have a big week ahead of us. (&&&)
     
  9. TeaTree

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    Wow, I wish all of you good luck with this (*hug*) The letter idea sounds very good. Well, I also wrote one before coming out to my bf, like a freaking novel, but it was kind of detailed about my sexual attractions to women, so I didn't really use much of it for the live thing.
    And I wasn't too prepared at that point to actually verbalize my feelings. I think from this point of view, you all are in a much better position, you seem to have a clearer view at this point than I had when came out to him.

    So again, good luck and let me know how it went (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  10. CapColors

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    Good luck and best wishes to both of you!
     
  11. Thirdtimecharm

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    Words are very powerful. You are all very powerful and brave women. I admire you all for committing to be your authentic selves. We all have our own processes.

    I myself have come out to my husband as bi. Once I allowed myself to accept my attraction to women, as many have described, it was like the flood gates were opened. I chose him to be my partner in life, and being bi is a big part of my life, so I felt I had to share it with him. He was very threatened at first, and I think still may be. He had asked me if I will come out as a lesbian one day and I told him no....but I am truly not sure. For these past several years my preference for women has grown and taken on a life of itself. Now that I think about it maybe I am clinging to the label of bi (cringe I despise labels...) Bc I am not quite ready to accept that I am a lesbian. Guess I have some more soul searching to do...lol. Keep being amazing ladies, I enjoy the updates you post and get strength from your journeys, believing one day that maybe I can be where you are at :slight_smile:
     
  12. CameronMR

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    My bf asked me when we got together about me being bi. He was very concerned that I would miss being with a woman, and wanted to know if there was a possibility I'd leave him for one. I, of course, was so sure of myself I argued him it would never happen. I know he knows something is up because he had brought this up a few times recently.