I it's heard back from our couples counsellor and she does not want to be present when I come out to Travis.
I guess that's fair. I meant to talk to my husband last night, but it was so tired by the time he got home, and he seemed so sad that I'm going away for three weeks... I couldn't do it. I have the DJILJ group tonight, and will hopefully have the nerve after that. He knows something is up, I can tell. I feel really nervous, this will be hard for both of us, but I don't want to lie by elimination anymore. My last chance before I go away... This is really hard.
Why wouldn't she want to be present? I'm confused. My therapist actually suggested she be there. I'm wondering about the flip side....
Maybe because she is a marriage councelor? I don't really why, I don't think she has a lot of experience with this particular scenario... ---------- Post added 15th Sep 2015 at 04:55 PM ---------- I'm kinda envious you got to go to a group...lol I hope it goes well and all the Best!! (*hug*)(*hug*)
Hmmm. On the one hand, I'll say that couples counseling, if the therapist is good, is one of the hardest types of counseling to do because the therapist must be neutral and empathic to both people. On the other hand, in such a crucial circumstance, it seems really, really crappy to me that the therapist is simply saying she doesn't want to be there. I could see it if there was a detailed explanation as to why it's not a good idea (and I think almost any reason for *not* being there could be countered equally with reasons *to* be there.) On the other, done properly, I think it could be really helpful. But if she's made her mind up, she probably won't change it. I wish you the best of luck!
^^my thoughts exactly. I have to wonder why a therapist would just dismiss the idea. Our couples counselor is different from my individual counselor, but they work in the same building. At my request and with the permission of both my husband and our marriage counselor, my individual therapist sits in on our sessions just to be a support. Honestly, I think a counseling session is a good neutral place to deliver such news. Especially if you're not sure how the other party is going to react.
older, conservative, straight councellor....I didn't really like her when we started seeing her, and I felt like I couldn't really open up, but my bf seemed to like her and so I just went along with it. I seem to do a lot of that, just going along with it...ugh
Wow CameronMR, that's terrible, I'm sorry to hear that. Perhaps it's just as well, if that's the case then he/she is no good to you anyway right?
That stinks that the counselor would leave you on your own like that. I would ask the counselor why she decided not to be present, just to have an explanation because that could help you determine whether or not you want to work with her in the future.
I did it. I told him. Maybe the support group meeting helped me find the courage. It went bad and good.... I think it was the right thing to do. I'm sad, but also feel a weight lifted. Now I have to figure out what I want.
Ok, that completely changes my thoughts. It sounds like this is not a carefully thought out concern for the therapeutic alliance between her and the two of you, but laziness, discomfort, and unprofessionalism. To be honest, the first words that came to mind when I originally read the earlier post was "major ethical violation". And having read what you describe, what it amounts to is abandonment. It would be actionable by her licensing board. So... I would, if you are so inclined, either hold her feet to the fire and get her to be there... Or, simply, ambush her. Tell your husband the truth the next time you have a session, with or without her consent. She is a professional, and you are paying good money for her help. If she cannot help because she is uncomfortable or for whatever reason, she also cannot, ethically, continue to see you. She is obligated to refer you and your husband to someone else. Those are the ethics of the profession,and if she doesn't get that, she needs to be reported. You deserve help and support at this crucial time. Abandoning you is unconscionable, unprofessional, and actionable. Feel free to print out my comment and give it to her.
Hm, that's interesting, I didn't know about this. My therapist after two sessions told me something like, she cannot help me, and I should maybe find an LGBT organisation or something and go there. I felt pretty much abandoned too, and even if I tried to pretend to myself that I'm ok and can manage by myself, seems like I'm not that ok, but I don't want to get another therapist, come out to them and get ditched again...Not the best approach though, I guess... Now, after three weeks she sent me a link with the site of that LGBT organisation and told me that she asked her friend from there about some more specific info/counselling for me, but there was no answer, so thanks, I'm not going to go there if they don't give a shit anyway... But I don't want to go back to the therapist either after her telling me that she can't help, it's not a good match at all... *Sorry CameronMR, for hijacking your thread, just needed to get this out. Good luck with all (*hug*)
Its ok, I don't feel hijacked! It's good to know I'm not the only one facing this! Small town problems
I found it odd that your therapist did not want to be there too. Although I came out without my therapist present even though we had talked at length about a scenario where I would have come out at my therapist's office. It was a fairly traumatic situation after I came out and I was able to get my wife into an emergency appointment with my therapist the day after I came out.
I'm really angry at y'all's therapists! I wish you could meet mine; she's wonderful. BEST WISHES for "the talk"!!!!
first things first with knowing yourself and what you want, then be honest yet keep boundaries as it may elicit lots of questions and anything you are not comfortable about answering is okay for you to wait until you are, if ever.
Make a list of the most important 2-3 things you want/need to tell him so you don't forget in the moment.
