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So, I'm out...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by CameronMR, Sep 16, 2015.

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  1. CameronMR

    CameronMR
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    ...and it was a lot like going on a road trip in a car with no brakes or reverse grear. The only gears are
    D - Denial
    A - Anger
    B - Bargaining
    D - Depression
    A - Acceptance

    Neutral is my truth and soo I just throw it in neutral and hope for the best while he plays with the gears...
     
    #1 CameronMR, Sep 16, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2015
  2. Thirdtimecharm

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    Oh my goodness. Wow. I am proud of you. How are you? How do you feel? Are you ok? If you need to talk let us know.
     
    #2 Thirdtimecharm, Sep 16, 2015
  3. CyclingFan

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    (!)Congratulations!
     
    #3 CyclingFan, Sep 16, 2015
  4. CameronMR

    CameronMR
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    I feel surprisingly level....I had such bad anxiety about it all day. I talked to my instructor and I told him how I felt, and I came out to him... he reminded me that I cannot take on his emotions, I can only take on mine. My own emotions are sometimes more than I can handle, but once the initial storm has passed, I am sure I will feel better, free.

    calling him my ex seems too soon, even though its accurate. Ill just call him T. Anyway, T keeps accusing me of knowing all along and doing this just to hurt him. I get that I hurt him, and that I hurt him bad....he is most definitely in the denial stage. (us nurse types have an acronym, mnemonic or system/list for pretty much everything haha) I'm can see the hurt in his eyes, he left the room, I imagine that hurt is spilling down his face. :frowning2:

    not really sure whats next....:frowning2:
     
    #4 CameronMR, Sep 16, 2015
  5. CapColors

    CapColors
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    Hugs
     
    #5 CapColors, Sep 16, 2015
  6. bi2me

    bi2me
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    Congratulations on coming out. I'm sure a lot of the hard part is ahead of you, but you've made a huge step!
     
    #6 bi2me, Sep 16, 2015
  7. CameronMR

    CameronMR
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    You have no idea how grateful I am for all your support. I don't think I could have done this alone. Thank you all so much!
     
    #7 CameronMR, Sep 16, 2015
  8. confused04

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    Congrats! I"m proud of you for showing true courage.
     
    #8 confused04, Sep 16, 2015
  9. Thirdtimecharm

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    You took a big step! Your very brave! Congrats.

    Your instructor is right, you can only control your emotions and cannot control his. Yes it hurts, it probably hurts both of you, but in the long run being honest with him and yourself is the best route to take.

    Step by step, you will get there(*hug*)
     
    #9 Thirdtimecharm, Sep 16, 2015
  10. guitar

    guitar
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    Congrats!!!!! :grin: It's a big scary step you've taken. So proud of you :slight_smile:
     
    #10 guitar, Sep 16, 2015
  11. go figure

    go figure
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    (*hug*) congratulations!!
     
    #11 go figure, Sep 16, 2015
  12. CameronMR

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    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)thanks, everyone!(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 16th Sep 2015 at 08:40 PM ----------

    I am also out to my sister now too. well, one of my sisters. She said "well, i knew you were bi, so i guess gay isnt a strech!" lol
     
    #12 CameronMR, Sep 16, 2015
  13. Thelyingleo

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    Congratulations, I'm here to talk if you need someone. I know that things are tough right now, but you've taken a HUGE step!!
     
    #13 Thelyingleo, Sep 17, 2015
  14. MyMoribundMask

    MyMoribundMask
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    Congratulations on coming out.
    It is indeed a huge step to take. :slight_smile:
     
    #14 MyMoribundMask, Sep 17, 2015
  15. baristajedi

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    Congrats and hugs. You are brave but also kind, as your posts have always shown compassion towards your husband. You've made a big step and even though it's rocky, you are following your heart and that can only be the right thing to do.
     
    #15 baristajedi, Sep 17, 2015
  16. paris

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    I was thinking about you yesterday, so happy you did it. Congrats :thumbsup:
     
    #16 paris, Sep 17, 2015
  17. OnTheHighway

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    Regarding:

    "Anyway, T keeps accusing me of knowing all along and doing this just to hurt him"

    Once the initial emotions settle down, I would suggest having an open conversation with him explaining the challenges you faced and difficulties with your own self acceptance. The more expressive you are, the more he might be able to understand. Just the same, as your own thoughts will continue to evolve, so will your own understanding and appreciation.

    Based on my experience, this does not happen overnight, but it is an evolution that is part of the broader journey.
     
    #17 OnTheHighway, Sep 17, 2015
  18. TeaTree

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    Congrats (*hug*)
     
    #18 TeaTree, Sep 17, 2015
  19. 50ishandout

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    First, Congratulations. The air is so much better outside the closet.

    Second there is no formula to knowing or accepting the fact your Gay. If T doesn't accept that, he'll have to figure it out over time.

    Again, Congratulations.
     
    #19 50ishandout, Sep 17, 2015
  20. looking for me

    looking for me
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    Wow, Congrats. it's a bit rough right now i am sure. your instructor is correct in that you are only responsible for your feeling, emotions and reactions not anyone elses. any attempt to put that on you i a grab for controll, been there... give it a bit of time and suddenly, you'll feel that weight of the closet lifting and it feels Fantastic.

    all the best hun, we're here for you(&&&)
     
    #20 looking for me, Sep 17, 2015
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