Anyone else having dates shut down as soon as you say how inexperienced you are?

Sounds to me like being turned down because your inexperienced is simply being turned down from a hook up. If your looking for a real date to meet and build a real relationship, I cannot see why there should be any issues. So your probably better off not spinning your wheels in any event if someone turns you down, as chances are they are only interested in a casual get together. Better to know that early on.

That said, I would personally hold back on more intimate details about yourself (such as being inexperienced), until you meet someone face to face. Just as you have sensitive things about yourself, so does whomever your talking to. As the saying goes, everyone has skeletons in their closet, and there is no need to let all the skeletons out early on.

BUT, I also want to be clear, being inexperienced is not a bad thing nor a bad skeleton. Been there myself, so has ever single other person as well!

In summary, there is nothing wrong with managing your messaging about yourself. That's the whole point of dating - getting to know someone. And you can not let the other person know everything about you in the first 30 minutes

 

Hey, I don't have experience myself but just from hearing from others, I think you have two options - leave out the inexperience until they get to know you a little better - so they see that it is worth it! Or be up front with it and find a guy who shows he is worth it.

ETA: Jinx, OntheHighway!

 

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I've been completely out for almost 2yrs, and have had the same experience that you have. It's hard, because i have found that some lesbians consider me "not a real lesbian" and don't want to waste their time for fear that I'll run back to a man... ugh. This is soo hard, because I am in my early 40's, and I know who the heck I am, and who I want to be with. I feel like the right person/people wont care though, so weeding out the ones that aren't right. I'm working on meeting more people in my community and going to lgbtq events so that I can get to know people face to face before having to deal with that.

 

I don't know if where you are the apps and sites are the only option but I really think you won't encounter this issue--or at least will encounter it less--if you actually meet people face to face first.

I was really upfront about how new it all was for me and that was one of the main things I talked about with other gay people when I first came out. People thought it was charming and basically came out of the woodwork to show me the ropes.

But I wasn't meeting people on apps or sites, I was meeting people in bars, the gym, the beach and the like. My suggestion would be to try to meet people in situations where you are just meeting people, rather than trying to meet them to date. In those kind of settings inexperience is interesting, novel, something to talk about. If you have your sights on someone as Mr. Right or even just Mr. Right Now, inexperience is another can of worms and frankly if you are just swiping left and right, well, I can kind of see why people move on. Dismissing an actual person sitting in front of you for that though just seems sort of silly.

So, again my suggestion would be to try just meeting people (yeah gay people) face to face. Talk about politics, talk about television. Have conversations where your lack of experience sounds like "wow, he's going through such an interesting time in his life" rather than the type of conversations where it comes off as "wow, will he know where to put it?". The dating and even the sex, if you want that, will come soon enough.

 

If you want to meet someone face to face without doing 'the scene', have you tried looking for "meetup" groups? Obviously it will depend where you live, and it is much easier in a city, but generally there will be some not too far from most places. Here in Edinburgh there is a meetup group called 'unScene Edinburgh', which is for guys who are through with the scene, or never did the scene etc - they do after work pub meets, cinema trips, walks, climbing, dinners (there's an equivalent one for women, which is how I stumbled across this). There may be something similar where you live . There are also quite a few different interest groups here for lgbt people to meet and get to know each other - e.g. film groups, book groups, outdoorsy groups. I found quite a lot of these through a combination of 'meetup' and google - so you may be able to find some near you. Plus a lot of these events are free...

 

You could edit your online profile to warn off those who are only looking for a hookup. Indicate your are seeking something more social. I promise, there are peole out there who will meet you for a cup of coffee, or a beer, and then do it all over again, even without the chance to see you naked . Don't give up is my point.

 

I've had a date shut down after pics back and too, it just shut down simply because that last pic shown that I had a very averaged sized tattoo on my forearm from over 20 yrs ago, how narrow minded is that, not even offense or anything, I'm glad it did tbh after that.

 

"Okay, while London might provide many opportunities to meet people, the beach is not one of them!"


Hehe, well, there is the Men's Pond at Hampstead Heath! I visited it for the first time a few weeks ago. I was shocked at how much of a scene it is