Knocked down right out of the gate

Aww Sorry to hear all that. Perhaps you could take her to see the counselor with you? If she agrees of course. Also, I just want to say how amazing it is for you to be going through such an awful experience and for you to be concerned with your kids and being able to teach them that love is love. I know everyone here is rooting for you. ^_^

 

I do not mean to sound selfish, but you commented "every decision I make is to make things good for them"; but it seems while you have been doing that for them, you left yourself out of living for yourself. And, it is OK to think about yourself and live for yourself and be whom your are supposed to be.

I also have told myself that I want my kids "to be who they are and to love who they want"; but what I was really telling myself was that I wanted to be whom I should be and love whom I want to love.

Good luck on your Journey!

 

Hey there! Wow, I identify with your situation! I am bi too and terrified of coming out to my husband even though, a) I have not been unfaithful and have no intention of being so and b) have never been with a woman and c) want to continue in the marriage.

I think that the key is assuring her of all of the a b c's above without apologizing for who you ARE. At least I HOPE that's the key, because that's what I'm going to have to do.

Although, I have to ask, how are you living like a martyr if you are bi and monogamous? Do you mean that you feel like you deserve a same sex experience even though you are married? Or do you just feel like you want to publicly acknowledge that you are bi?

 

As you suggested, give her some space, but also be sure to give her your ear as well. If there was one mistake I made, I thought my ex wife's ability to process everything would go much faster than it did. After 19 years, I was selfishly impatient. I was clueless as to what to expect from her, did not know what the grieving process would entale nor how my kids would react. Take it a step at a time and let them digest at their own pace.

 

Oh, I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you.

 

It's early days, and unless I'm mistaken, the school year has just begun. I think you can expect things to look very different by the end of the school year.

 

That's a good point. Maybe try and keep the lines of communication open and see if she'll attend a support group or therapy with you.

 

Pflag might have some support groups. I hope things are able to work out in a way that supports you all.

 

Given that you have a school year until the changes go into effect, there should be plenty of time to work things out.

If you are bisexual, there is no reason why you cannot stay married and monogamous to your wife unless your attraction to men is significantly stronger than your attraction to women. But I think I'm hearing that there might be other issues with the marriage as well that might make divorce a good thing in the long run.

Whatever happens, please continue to do right by your children.

 

Its good that your wife is trying to be more civil. My ex has said the other night that she would like building a friendship, but she also cried again saying how much she loves me and stuff. We had a lot of other problems as well, and I told her she shouldn't over romantisize things because its not like the sudden implosion of a glorious love affair. Things had not been great in a while and stepping back I just see how fundamentally different we are.

 

Unfortunately, you should be prepared for and expect the roller coaster to be your new norm. You will bounce from peaks and valleys as your wife processes your sexuality. In general the wave amplitude decreases over time ...

 

Hang in there, dude. Best wishes.

 

Good for you! What you did takes courage. You told your wife something out of love and it is something that may ultimately bring you closer, in what ways exactly only time will tell. Once you really recognized it or acknowledged it, you told her, that is not a bad thing. You did the right thing and regardless of the outcome, one day she will understand that. Understandably, she is still processing it.

You're bisexual, as many people are, I am also bi and recently began "coming out" or acknowledging the homosexual side, if you will. There are many people that will never do what you have done, which is being honest to yourself about it and to someone you love. Regardless of whether or not they are in a heterosexual relationship or not, if everyone that is gay or bi came out tomorrow, people would see how truly common it really is. If people were comfortable and brave enough to admit and talk about bisexuality, neighbors, coworkers and friends and family would surprise each other with how common it is. I'm rambling, back to the topic... although my situation is much less complicated I understand it can be difficult to be bisexual as opposed to being 100% gay, or of course 100% straight. I met a few people, straight and gay, that just don't seem to get it, as if you can be only gay or straight and nothing else. Its not that black and white. However, I think that maybe there are more people who are bisexual than simply straight or gay, they just might lean more in one direction, and they are just afraid of what it means to acknowledge/confront it, especially "straights". Those that come out or explore this side of themselves, those who decide to just be honest/open are brave, regardless of when they open up to it. There are also some that may just be envious of the pros of being bi as well.

You did the right thing, your life and that of your family will be richer for it. Since you're bi, you can be with a man or a woman, all you did was open up to a woman you love, now she must do what feels right to her and eventually you and your wife/mother of your kids will be at peace and have a stronger/closer understanding of each other... regardless of if you stay together.

---------- Post added 28th Sep 2015 at 07:56 PM ----------

I hope nobody takes some of my statements the wrong way, I'm not great at articulating my thoughts. I tried editing it to make myself clearer, but I couldn't. Anyway, best of luck to you on your journey.