Well, you know. With my husband. It was the first time in a while we had been intimate and we had had a "date night" and I knew it was time, but I wasn't into it. So the first part of it I just started crying from frustration that I wasn't getting turned on. It got better towards then end and I did eventually get there but...ugh. I was glad the lights were off - he asked if everything was OK and I just pretended like it was all fine. I was hoping that everything would just go back to normal and I could slip back into my role as a happily married (to a man) woman...I guess that may not be the case. Sorry for the downer but I really needed to get this off my chest. This has happened to other people too right?
After my catalyst moment (when I started to evaluate my life and my re evaluate my sexuality) and before I fully came out to myself, I had a similar experience. For me, it was quite profound and fundamentally helped me confirm what I essentially already knew, that I was gay.
Hugs to you and your husband my dear! Those seas are rough sailing. HUGS One huge moment I had in my own journey was when I fantasized about having sex with a woman while having sex with a (my husband) and found both my physical and mental partner intensely arousing. Afterward I felt fucking terrible for doing that to my husband...but it didn't stop me from doing it again. After a few times I had to admit that my feelings for women were absolutely not just romantic.
I can't believe how many people are dealing with the exact same situations. I feel like I'm always responding with a resounding: Me too! I cried a few times during sex. Once last year after spending the evening with my "friend" and saying goodbye before I moved cross country--I thought if I had sex with him I could erase the pain of leaving her and I just ended up in tears. The last two times were the other times we have had sex in the recent two months. It's just so damn depressing how much I hate it. Even though he's a kind, compassionate man I always feel like I'm being violated or used because I am doing it FOR him, if that makes any sense.
Yup. Been there. Don't think I have ever enjoyed sex with my husband esp the past few years when I finally accepted my attraction to women. When my "friend" was still around she actually helped me map out my plan to get pregnant (my husband and I agreed it was time for another child...). She charted my cycle, mapped out when I should have sex (didn't mind having sex then Bc it was for a purpose) and then after each time I had sex with my husband during this period I would text her and we would talk. She and I would kid that she was a third parent because she was so much part of the process. I didn't realize it then how messed up the situation was, but it was....when I wasn't trying to get pregnant I would avoid sex as much as possible and then when I "had to" participate (ugh I know sounds awful) my goal was to make sure it was over as quick as possible so I could get back to talking to her (via text, we talked at all hours of the day...she would even call me when she was in bed with her husband...). In recent years I have had a connection with a woman where we have talked about things and the romantic feelings and the sexual tension were so high. The feelings were indescribable. After experiencing that spending time with my husband and trying to get excited by being with him is very very difficult. In order to do so my mind has to wander to thinking about women and I do feel shitty. I want to want to be there with him, but I have such a hard time these days. It's makes me sad for so many reasons....
Never went as far as tears, but I remember feeling terribly sad and dishonest the last few times we had sex, because I was finally accepting the fact that what we had was just never going to get better, only worse, and I knew that our relationship was headed for its end. We weren't happy together for many reasons, but I assumed it was something I just had to deal with. She was unhappy too, but never was willing to face facts and call it quits. I knew I was gay but thought what I felt for her for the first few years was a permanent thing and being gay was irrelevant. Coming out was not something I really planned to do before we split, but in the end I had to use it as the reason FOR the split, and I still feel bad about some aspects of it. But it was necessary, and I'm glad I did it.
Mea culpa to not being present during sex. Like others, I just tried not to think about it, while I thought about it.
When I was with my last girlfriend I totally went through this our last couple of times we tried to have sex. I just couldn't get into it. By that point I was fairly certain I was gay. I knew she was good looking (all my guy friends certainly said so!) but it just wasn't happening for me. Our last time, I spent most of the time looking past her at the pictures of guys on her wall to help me get through it. The sex felt "good" but it didn't feel right. Once I started accepting the fact I was into dudes as our relationship progressed, the harder it became to get "into it" during sex/kissing/whatever.
I just feel violated whenever T and I would have sex. I didn't fully realize how gay I was until his....body fluids...touched my skin and I started dry heaving. So gross ( sorry guys lol) He's still in denial about my lack of sexual attraction to him, he keeps asking me if we can have a 3-way, he thinks we are still together in a way....don't know how to break it to him, I just told him "I think you miss the point of the whole lesbian thing" It's hard to do when you're not out, just to keep the peace.
Thanks for sharing ladies. I think it's also good for us guys to read this and get some perspective. Sorry that things are so rough.
