WARNING, an immature rant follows: As someone who identified as straight for a long time, I had the benefit of understanding that the social world was in accordance with my sexuality. Sure, I couldn't get anyone I wanted (I'm no model billionaire), but I fit into the world in a reasonable way. Now, I want women, too. And I have to deal with the fact that even if I were single, I couldn't have most of them! Because they are straight! I wouldn't even have a chance! I'd have to rearrange my life to even meet people I could date, and I'd have to constantly ignore my urges toward the straight ones I couldn't. It's fucking complicated! And deeply annoying! I'm really angry about it! Why can't the system be set up for ME AND MY PEOPLE! WHY CAN'T EVERYONE BE MY PEOPLE?! Of course, I realize that even my ability to feel angry about it is rooted in my decades of privilege, of being the majority. But that's a real loss I (and anyone else who used to I.D. as straight) have to process, on top of all the other changes I'm going through. Right now I'm in the ANGER stage. Anyone else just been like AHHHHH THIS SYSTEM IS ALL STUPID FUCK THE SYSTEM IT SHOULD CHANGE I'M SO ANGRY ALL THE TIME when they first realized who they were inside? (PS Please note that my anger is a way of processing my loss and not directed at straight people. They can't help being straight, of course! This isn't a thread to bash them.)
I have this fantasy of a world where every kind of loving just is. I hear what you are saying. I hate being the freak, the one they still giggle about. The one who has to swim upstream. I would also like to be in a world where we can all just be ... yip ... just that
OMG, I have been feeling the EXACT same way lately. It fucking sucks! Mine is more frustration than anger right now. Not to mention my gaydar has always been shit lol so yeah, I totally feel your pain! :O
I'm not quite on the same page as you Cap. I'm having a tough time making friends period. A polite superficial conversation is about as far as I go these days. I'm totally paranoid that either they will somehow figure out I'm not straight, my wife will think I'm trying to take up with them, etc. Question. Would you really have to ignore your attraction to the straight women? How would you know they wouldn't be interested? It seems like there could also be some opportunities there if you came in with the right approach. I don't know what that would be as I've never been a woman pursuing another woman. But in general I think if a lady is available they appreciate getting some nice (non-aggressive) attention and being shown a fun time. You actually may have some advantages in that regard?
I'm confused. Are you suggesting pursuing women one knows to be straight? I'm pretty sure they wouldn't appreciate the kind of attention that a woman interested in women is looking to give. And especially not a fun time, if I'm understanding your use of this expression.
Oh, I'm not single: I was talking theoretically, tbh. I'm still processing the loss of being in the comfortable majority. I don't mind ME being queer---at some infantile level I mind everyone ELSE not being queer, or at least super queer-friendly. I'm annoyed by the system. Maybe the norms are different between straight men and gay men (? I'm asking honestly) but definitely straight women wouldn't be down for a fun time in the manner I am thinking. ---------- Post added 19th Sep 2015 at 02:35 PM ---------- Heh. Yeah I already enjoy platonic fun times with straight women---my friends
I'm chuckling as I read this, not because I find it funny, but because I had the same conversation with myself about 3 1/2 hours ago. I can't deny it, we live in a heteronormative world. At least Americans like me do. And even if the world wasn't heteronormative, 90-something% of people would be straight anyway. Yeah, I wish I could at the very least change the arithmetic, too. I used to live in a big, left-leaning city, but unfortunately I don't anymore. I imagine it would be easier being gay there than it is here. At the same time, I know several young, single straight people who say basically the same thing about the smaller places where they live: not much of a dating scene. I guess many of us face the same societal or numerical challenges in our own ways.
*Pounds my chest in solidarity!* Right? NOW I understand two reasons why LGBT folks tend to signal through haircut or dress. 1) We don't want to be hit on by the hets 2) We want to find our own people. ---------- Post added 19th Sep 2015 at 10:21 PM ---------- I know, right? Like would the world really end if a higher percentage were queer? Let's find out! Yes, it's true that finding someone to :***: and even rarer, to love and partner with, is always hard. But man, the deck is stacked. Bleh.
