I did it. I came out to my husband at therapy this morning. He wasn't very surprised--said he had suspected for a long time. We spoke with our therapist and for the sake of the kids we will take the divorce one step at a time. First, I need a job. It's going to be a lot of change and we are going to continue therapy for an amicable split. Hopefully out of this my children will get an even bigger family full of love and support rather than a broken family--but this is looking way, way ahead. Hubby has since been supportive. There have been a lot of tears today. A lot of desperate kissing and even unfortunately a romp in the hay (which I made sure to tell him didn't fix things. To be honest I regret it and it just made my decision more clear.). We have known each other since he was 15, I 14, which accounts now for more than half of our lives. We love each other but I told him I just don't see how it works. If we keep on going then I just turn around in 10 more years and say, sorry for wasting two decades of your life instead of just one. I've made the decision to be honest and I've had several urges to backpedal, step back into comfort, make him feel better, tell him maybe this CAN work or maybe I'm NOT gay. But I have to remember that's the fear talking. Fuck, this is hard.
Congratulations on coming out. I can only imagine how hard it is for you. I hope things go as well as they can.
Congratulations. It looks like you two are still friends, it might be hard work but try stay friends. I know several guy that have come out and left the wife. It always worked best when they stayed friends. When they didn't it was a painful disaster. Now look forward to a wonderful life
Congratulations Mellie, what a day you must have had. I highly doubt that you wasted a decade of his life and you should be proud that you have taken the steps to be honest not keeping this in and hurting both for the next 10 years +. Be well
Congratulations. Yes, it is hard, but you're doing everything right. It will get better, even if there are rough patches. Work to keep the eventual split amicable, and don't be in a rush. Above all, don't forget to look after yourself and your needs too.
First of all, good for you for taking this difficult but necessary step. Second, please try not to think of it being you wasting the last 10 years of your lives together, this will only cause sorrow and guilt, useless emotions that will tie you down for a long time if you let it. Both of you entered the marriage, now both of you must leave it. Instead, both of you need to remember the good times (there are always good times to remember in a marriage, there was a reason it happened, and it wasn't just you escaping your current reality), and realize that if you are amicably going through this, you are way ahead of the game. The best that can happen is that you become good friends, and indeed, with the hope of future partners (and this does happen) and future loving relationships, good times are ahead for both of you. This is a much better occupation for your attention than guilt and regret.
Way to go. The romp in the proverbial hay is understanding...the emotions were probably through the roof.
Congrats. You're really strong and brave, this is amazing . And good luck with the next steps (*hug*)
Congratulations! I hope things continue to progress in a way that works for everyone involved. (*hug*)
Thanks everyone. I don't know what I would do without this forum to vent on. You all rock. I needed the reminder about not sinking into a world of what-ifs, regret, and guilt. The truth is that the past 10 years gave us time to grow up together, learn about ourselves, and ultimately grow apart. But the best thing it gave us was two beautiful, smart, healthy little girls. Had I known before what I know now, they wouldn't have existed, and I don't want to think of a world without them in it. There's a lot of denial going on right now. I'm awaiting the anger stage. I do have to say that I feel pretty lucky to have the support I do. I know many people go through this with little to no support. Hugs back. Thank you all again. I read through these posts and I was finally able to take a much needed deep breath.
Somehow, my wife and I managed to skip the anger phase (unless it's just exceptionally delayed!) So I don't think it's inevitable. Rather, it seems to me that the couples who got on best during their marriage are more likely to get on well afterward.
Strong work Mellie, I think your perspective is right on. You are lucky to have the support that you do. He may display some anger at some point but if he already suspected then maybe you coming out was a relief of sorts. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way. This also just happened with my wife and I and it's left me really confused. :icon_sad:
Good for you! I know this is so hard! And the urge to back peddle is so strong at times. It's really good to hear someone else's brave story, when I'm going through such a similar journey. Sending you much support and love.
Congratulations on coming out. This is a huge step on your journey of authenticity! BTW, having sex after coming out is fairly common. It happened to me a few times until I put a stop to it.
