Hey interwebs, I'm 23 currently going though a divorce, I have a three year old son and I happen to be going though a identity crisis of sorts. I've always felt different to other girls growing up, I always went swimming in boys bathers, hung out with the boys all that jazz, I thought i was just a tomboy, but that didnt feel right. Some nights I would go to bed and pray to god that when I woke up I would be put right, I would be a boy and everyone would know it. as puberty started to hit i began to get picked on for looking like a man/lesbian/ugly (you know all the mean things that kids say) and I had this moment of just like ok, its time to be a girl now, there is no magic potion or amount of wishes on stars was going to change that. So I started to wear the girls uniforms, wear the make up, everything that I thought was quintessentially female. It took a while ( and I would always end up slipping back into my old style) but I eventually stopped thinking about it, this was my life now and I had to make do. I met a boy and I thought we were in love (he turned out to be a misogynistic abusive arse but that's a story for another time) and when a boy and a girl fall in love your supposed to have a baby thinks little old me I was at uni in the city (I live in a small town) and I started to meet these people just like me! and they were becoming there true authentic selves, I was jealous or well maybe envious is a better choice of words, I longed for facial hair, a deeper voice , a flat chest and a more masculine figure. so I started binding and dressing more masculine on my way to uni. I would getting the biggest rush when some stranger called me him I just think is it too late for me? am I even trangendered? would I be doing the right thing for my child? how would he even understand it/ would it make him uncomfortable? people in this town already try and give me shit for cutting my hair how are people going to treat us. I love my son more than life itself and I would never want to put him in a position that puts him in harm I'm just a mess right now so any thoughts/advice would be much appreciated cheers!! Miller
So sorry for the difficulties you're having. I wish I had some groundbreaking advice for you, but this is way out of my wheelhouse. You love your son and are thinking about his wellbeing so he's lucky to have you. Good luck.
Welcome to EC and I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. A loving parent is the best thing a kid can have, regardless of gender. You may want to try the gender identity and expression forum---I'd read around there to get situated first.
Thanks. just typing it up was freeing in a way thanks for the kind words I suppose if I'm going to have a quarter life crisis it might as well be a giant hot mess of one haha ---------- Post added 22nd Sep 2015 at 09:02 PM ---------- thanks ill have a look on that one as well!
I wasn't at all trying to brush you off---but I do know that's where a lot of trans issues get discussed, is all. There are lots of knowledgeable people on here in that regard.
Its cool! and thanks I just hope people my own age will be able to relate to my experiences, people lose there shit when I tell them i was married and have a child hahaha
Oh, totally, I understand. You can post in more than one forum. It's great to be able to get older adults' perspectives here. Young queer people face similar but distinct issues. I think it's really brave of you to be trying to figure everything out a little later in life.
