How much has moving on your own increased your feeling of 'freedom'?

No, I am not exactly as 'later as life' as a number of others here, I know, but felt this was the appropriate place to make this thread. This is also more geared towards others who were still living with fam, etc. into their 20s and beyond, but obviously anyone can chime in.

On to the thread...

Here's the thing... I obviously want to know what it's done to ease your feelings of your orientation specifically.

I've made it no secret that my family is made up of a bunch of lgbt-phobic pieces of shit...I feel more and more that it's why I can't seem to find any inner peace with this stuff; because I live with these assclowns, and it doesn't help that a number of them actually live relatively locally. I mean I'm not out so I naturally feel uneasy about it but it's to the point where, no matter where I am locally, I am borderline extremely paranoid that somehow someone is going to catch me, say, checking ’the wrong person' out and the info is going to be relayed back to people I know or, worse, fam. It just constantly forces me back into the shame bubble.

^ To go along with that, as I noted recently, I finally got myself a car but, due to other financial and personal things, I won't be able to actually roll around with it(just inspection related stuff, as it runs like a dream, but they are just nitpicky; eh...) for a bit. This has led to me essentially being -stuck- locally for a good while now and it sucks.

...so I did a little test you can say. I needed to get something important done last week and, unlike how I would usually ask someone I know to take me due to that being a lot cheaper, I said fuck it and spent money to get a taxi-like service to take me a little over an hour away(in a direction I rarely ever go, mind you) so that I could really handle it on my own. And, while it wasn't cheap, it was totally worth it. It was a town I hadn't really 'been to' before so it was a little awkward ofc but I almost instantly eased down to a 'I'm probably not gonna see these people again anyways, so fuck 'em' mindset and, while I wasn't handing out rainbows, I actually allowed myself to do things like 'check' others with relatively little care. It truly was liberating, even if I was only there an hour to get something else done.

Now this is why I asked about moving on your own. In the rare instance I can 'get away' like this, it always crumbles when I realize that I have to head back 'home'. Once I have my own spot though, hopefully I won't have to dread going home. I currently feel like a slave on an errand, one who was born into it at that...weird analogy but temporary 'false' freedom, only to ultimately have to go back to hell(meaning that you still have to watch what you say/do on the trip, for fear that someone back will catch wind of the wrong thing and...yeah).


Okay, I've rambled on enough like usual but you should get the point I'm sure. Those of you who've finally broken away after far too long, how does it feel in regards to how you feel about casually expressing your orientation, after having to endure 'prison' an extra amount of years?

 

Thanks; I really do hope that it is a lasting feel once it happens for good, hence this thread. What's funny is that said locals where I went weren't exactly the type you'd think of as lgbt-friendly...says a lot about those I live around. ._.

Wow, a couple new posts before I got to reply(had page on hold).

Anyways, I get you here. With fam spread out enough in town(which isn't too big a town to begin with), even if I may still run into a million strangers, I can't ever know who knows who and, while probably more unlikely as a general thing, my mind can't help but link it all back to the possibility of my fam and people I know catching wind.

With them out of the equation in a different area, the strangers actually feel more like -strangers-(you get what I mean), so it allowed me to let my guard down a bit I suppose you can say? Even if where I went didn't seem too much like it would be friendlier, it allowed me to give a more... carefree approach to things since I -knew- I had 'zero ties' with anyone.


Thanks for the replies overall thus far.