I realized this afternoon that I'm making some progress. I was on my phone reading something, and I scrolled past some ad. And in that ad was this really cute young guy. I sat there and let myself feel attracted to him, and in the process I thought something I'd actually never thought before: This is natural. In all these years, I'd never ever considered feeling sexual attraction as "natural." Believe it or not, I considered all sexual attraction as dirty and unnatural. But now I understand that that was based on some false teachings when I was a kid. Now I know and (better) understand that feeling attraction, feeling this mental "good feeling," is natural. And that itself feels pretty good.
Congratz! I remember the first time I admitted to myself that I had a crush on a girl, and it felt so good to accept it.
That's so wonderful crazydog15, I'm happy for you I recognize it because I always had the idea that I'm perverted. I have no idea where it comes from, I can't recall any incidents that would've created this belief. Maybe some day I'll know more...
I had that feeling when I fell for my best friend as a teen. Nothing happened, he was straight, but it was just such a pure, natural feeling. I would have done anything in the world for him and only wanted to be around him. Once you remove the mental blocks that keep some of us fighting our sexuality, its amazing how clear things can be looking back too. I was just thinking the other day how when I was younger I had an absolute obsession with Christian Slater. Then Brad Pitt, then Gavin Rossdale.......I don't remember ever having those feelings for a single female celeb. I know its all unattainable anyway, but I guess I just should've connected the dots much sooner.
It's not like a "cure" for all the shame I've felt, and still sometimes feel. But it's a step in the right direction! I remember falling in love with my best (male) friend in high school. I actually think he was gay, at least that was the rumor, but nothing ever happened as we were both deeply in the closet and in denial. Being in a relationship with him wouldn't have been an option then anyway, for both of us... Regardless, even if only for a minute, it feels good to me to not feel ashamed of being gay, of finding a man attractive or beautiful, and wanting to couple up with him.
fantastic Crazy Dog. sounds like you've rounded a corner but are still looking back as well as front if you get my metiphor. that natural feeling when you look at someone you feel attracted to is the best, enjoy it.(*hug*)
You will find more experiences feel natural as time goes on; not only the emotional, but the physical as well
This post made me happy. I had a similar experience the other day in class -- I allowed myself to look around and notice the cute guys, and felt okay with being distracted by them. Makes me smile to think of it
I had the same issues but very recently I've gotten over it and allow myself to check girls out and talk about them to my straight friends. Before that id shut my brain off whenever I started checking out a girl in public and feel embarrassed, but now I check out whoever the fuck I want with no remorse. It all takes time
