Self reflection and embracing, let's help eachother!

Great topic!

I have recently added some LGBTetc. pages to my Facebook feed. And where it lets you prioritize what to see first, I have put anything lesbian-related in that category. So every time I log on I see tons of stuff about women, and yes, a few pages that are pretty racy too... :icon_redf:***:

I'm also allowing myself to enjoy looking at women I find attractive, rather than trying to push that feeling away.

I drifted through the men's clothing section of a store... but that's another thread.

 

1) very slowly started the coming out process to people I know will be accepting and supportive

2) continue opening up to my therapist and opened up conversations about being gay in marriage counseling

3) journal. Also,. I'm starting to brainstorm ideas that I can use to write about my journey, when I'm ready to write that story.

4) rainbows. Everywhere. Haha!

5) I've also started liking whatever I want on Facebook and Pinterest. I've probably outed myself to people without even realizing it.

6) Ill be attending my first PFLAG meeting in a few weeks.

What a great, positive thread!

 

Actually I carefully went through my privacy settings, and as far as I can tell, no one else sees pages I've liked. At least, not like "x likes y page" in their news feed. They might be able to go elsewhere and see my menagerie of politically contradictory and inflammatory interests. Of course, if I'm wrong, :eek::eek::eek:!

 

Thanks Barista for starting this thread, funny how the issues you speak of are not gender specific from my seat. I can easily change the female-male and exercise the same steps to embrace. Trying to figure out which friend to open up to first.

 

1. Noticing the ladies!
2. Coming out one friend at a time
3. Re blogging stuff for bi visibility day on tumblr like I was actually bi (I am!)
4. Contemplating a bi or lgbt tattoo (cliche I know)
5. Ordering a pan phone case and shirt (accidentally sent to my old address tho, so annoying! My old porters know I'm out I guess haha)
6. Planning out my next steps with my therapist

 

Heh, I have been trying to give off the gayest, sexiest vibes I can lately with the ladies lately. So far no one has noticed, which I find both comforting and a little annoying. I'm like YES HOMO I AM FLIRTING GDI.

 

Great initiative baristajedi

* Exercising more because then I'm in my body, in the moment, noticing everything that's going on and discovering more about what it's like to be in my skin - everything I'm truly feeling. What a luxury!

* Tapping into previously "forbidden" ("masculine") emotions like healthy aggression. I mean the kind that makes you want to fight for what's right and express yourself! I find that when I'm pushing myself when exercising, or when listening to punk and death metal and really getting into it! Yeaah! Also, promising myself that I'm going to try sports like archery, that I've always wanted.

* Adding lesbian- or lgbt-themed songs to my music playlists and enjoying them sooo much.

* Taking better care of myself, because suddenly I care about what I look like! Getting a haircut, looking at new underwear - maybe I'll work up the courage to start flirting...

* Allowing myself to feel any emotion that comes up, without judgment.

* Taking myself on little queer dates. The other night I went to the movies to see a queer film. (Fun!)

 

Very interesting thread I've read a lot of great ideas here.
For me, most part of this process is on the mental level, though, but still, there are some repeating patterns and activities I do:

Sports - like yoga, jogging, swimming - these help tremendously, because they manage to reset my inner balance and push me back to the place where I'm not sabotaging myself and help with letting go.
Also I feel and look more fit physically, which helps a lot

Watching mostly lgtb themed movies, also would read books just couldn't find anything interesting yet. 90% of the movies and tv shows I've been watching lately are lgbt related

Starting to go out more alone - to cinema, concerts, events.. This is not necessarily (as in, not at all) lgbt related stuff, but for me this is pretty new, as before I've only been going everywhere with my bf or before that, I've been going to places only with friends and couldn't imagine going alone. Now, when I can convince myself to do it and I do it, it gives me a huge energy and self-esteem boost.

Writing a blog, journaling, sometimes speaking with other people on lgbt related sites and forums.

Allowing myself to feel what I feel and mostly when I feel it. This sometimes involves sitting on the toilet floor at work and crying, but oh well...
Accepting that feeling like shit sometimes is ok too.

Trying to follow the thread of my emotions and identify the reoccuring patterns - usually there are the same or similar thoughts after which I start feeling down. If I identify them at least I know what should I work on.

Someone mentioned trying to maintain eye contact with women for a bit longer time, I mean especially with those who are looking/smiling at me more insistently.
I still have to work on this, I'm like a sixteen years old sometimes when it comes to this

---------- Post added 29th Sep 2015 at 09:02 AM ----------

Also I almost forgot drawing and anything art and creativity related. For me this works like magic. Like a misterious hand which pulls me out of misery and pretending and reconnects with myself again. Now that I wrote this down I realised I have to do these stuff more often

Also small and (possibly too) discreet rainbow colored items. Usually having at least one of my nails rainbow-coloured. But again, almost invisible

 

baristajedi: for me, it would be artists that are clearly lgbt in some way, like Perfume Genius, St Vincent, Lady Gaga, Joan Jett, Against Me! or Antony & the Johnsons for instance. The art of some reflect being genderqueer or lgbt even if we don't know how they identify, like PJ Harvey f ex. Then there are songs I identify with because they're sung by passionate men lusting after women...! Aerosmith, Led Zeppelin, Nick Cave, Bryan Ferry: very sexy stuff. Also, there are lots of female artists whose songs get to me, and I interpret them freely in an lgbt way, possibly because they attract me by being so brilliant... or because it sounds like they might be other-than-straight.

 

There's a hardcore band that I've been a fan of for a long time named Senses Fail. They used to be more punk but their sound has definitely evolved into more hardcore. Anyway, in the past year or so the lead singer, Buddy Nielsen, has come out as being queer. Reading his interviews have been really interesting, as he explains being involved with men, women, transgender, but labels himself as queer as he feels that is the most honest label for him now.

Their latest album, "Pull The Thorns From Your Heart," is pretty much all about his struggles with sexuality and addiction. It came out at the perfect time for me as I was/am questioning a lot.

Some sample lyrics for you:

I don't want to be afraid of this life anymore
I don't want to be suffocated by the weight
Who was that person I was pretending to be?
Silent compassion break these chains of misery
Scared to death of being vulnerable
So I did everything I could to put the walls up
I locked myself and held myself in a cell of shame
Screaming for a f****** change

Anyway, it's really helped me. And it's been a bonus that it's a band I was already a long time fan of.

 

Thanks for the tip, CameOutSwinging! I listened to their album, especially liked the song "The importance of the moment of death". I'll definitely check out a few interviews with Buddy.

 

I know! I agree! That public "join groups" notification really p-'s me off. Facebook is like a gossipy middle school kid who always has to "tell absolutely everybody about everything!" And there are people on facebook that are in the "probably should tell in person" stage like close family, but in another state, everybody has those. So the problem is, yeah, you'll tell "Aunt Mabel" eventually but right now, you just want to join that group....
I have been researching this prior to this post and apparently there is a way-or at least at some point there was a way and when I find it I will post it. At least according to one message board there was a way two years ago, but they change the settings so often it's hard to know it will work. And then there's the matter of testing it....uhhhhh....
In the meantime, you can also connect with groups using Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr, and it doesn't become the business of the entire planet.