I'm in my mid 40's. I've known I'm bi for a while but came out to my male partner a month ago. I didn't know I was going to, and while he is reacting well, I'm struggling with him knowing. I have adult kids, as well as three with my current partner. We were apart for almost 10 years and got back together just over a year ago. In the meantime I had relationships, one with a woman, two with men. My current partner the only other person currently in my life who knows, and I'm in desperate need of being able to talk things out. My problem is, this guy wants to marry me, and I'm not sure he is who, or what I want. I met a lovely lady recently, we get on well, but she's not only straight, but married. And I can't get her out of my head. While I don't believe there is any chance of a relationship with this woman, it has made me question why I am with my current partner. I'm not sure I want to spend the rest of my life with a man. I need to talk this out with people who understand what it is like to be bi. And I have absolutely no one in my life I can talk to about this. Help!
Howdy, Questioning , boy that seems to be a major buzz word in my head also. As I am sure you already know, marriage, especially if you are not sure that you can be with this person (gender), is difficult at best. I think it is great that you were able to come out and that your partner still wants to get married but? I thought I was bi but after a little more research tend to lean towards being pansexual. Put it all out there, there are plenty of people here in the same shoes. - J
Yes, I'm discovering that. My head is just so full of doubts right now. Before coming out to him we were fine. Now...not so much. At least from my point of view. Coming out to him has really made me face who I am. Like saying it out loud made it real. I made myself a rainbow bracelet today, and putting it on felt so good. But I feel like I'm lying to him. I don't think I can marry him. How do I tell him?
I think this recognition of ourselves really puts everything we are doing in a new perspective. And that's just a natural reaction! I would say don't make any major decisions right now, try to take things slowly, introspect and figure out what you really want most. Maybe all you need is time or some space. Your partner seems quite supportive. Maybe talking things out a bit will help you feel more grounded.
He is very supportive. I know he loves me. He wants to be with me. He's even said he would accept me having a relationship with a woman, just as long as I come home to him. I told him I was making the bracelet, and explained it was me accepting myself. My way, just a little bit, of hinting to others. And he's fine with it. He's a great guy. I just don't think he deserves this. He knows I'm a handful lol. He likes that. He knows the best and worst of me, and he's still here. I feel like I don't deserve him.
It's never easy especially having a partner that is supportive of your growth. My therapist suggested my waiting until I have separation prior to coming out, giving myself time to just be. I am not suggesting this for you or anyone else, looking forward to my ME time. I think it is great that you are wearing the bracelet you made, Go You!
If you really want to be with a woman, then that's absolutely the right thing for you. I just think you should take your time in deciding so you know you're making choices that feel right. If you're like me you're in a whirlwind of emotions right now with learning to accept this side of yourself. But I don't like this talk of not deserving this guy! I think you're being hard on yourself. Take a step back and think about those things you know have in you that make you a worthy person. We all deserve love and support. But you may be happuest eith thus man or happiest on your own and eventually with s woman you love. Do some thinking, and just remember there's bever a rush. ---------- Post added 1st Oct 2015 at 07:44 AM ---------- *never
