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I still have a lot of confusion about what attraction really is

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by TeaTree, Oct 2, 2015.

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  1. TeaTree

    TeaTree
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    I have a colleague who I've been chatting with a lot lately, we are good friends. Some times when talking to him and feeling this connection of ideas flowing and the fact that I can let myself be awkward around him makes me feel that I'm attracted to him. Today when I was talking to him I caught myself fantasizing about kissing him. But I'm not attracted to him as I am attracted to girls.
    It's like I want to get close and kiss everyone who I have an emotional connection with.

    This is a bit confusing, will I ever understand what is the difference between sexual/romantic attraction and emotional one?
     
    #1 TeaTree, Oct 2, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2015
  2. IrishJ

    IrishJ
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    Hmmn? From my seat, there is nothing better than the build up of emotional/romantic attraction. The high, goose bumps, and endorphin release is all so good. For me this all then can tie into sexual fantasy or reality possibly? I a not sure where my sexual attraction/desire falls into all of this or if I can actually separate them. Truly, I want it all, the complete package.

    I guess one way to figure this out would be to press lips. What is the worst that can happen. Life is so short. - J
     
    #2 IrishJ, Oct 2, 2015
  3. TeaTree

    TeaTree
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    But I've kissed a lot of men until this point in my life and I did enjoy kissing some of them, only it always stopped there. The connection I mean. When it continued on the sexual side, the connection always dissapeared.
    I don't want to go there again.

    I think I'm very sensitive to emotional connection and feel it on the physical level but that doesn't mean it is also romantic and sexual.

    ---------- Post added 2nd Oct 2015 at 02:23 PM ----------

    So for me emotional connection doesn't equal romantic one. You can feel emotional connection with relatives for example. Or whoever.
    Ah, this is conplicated... :slight_smile:
     
    #3 TeaTree, Oct 2, 2015
  4. TheStormInside

    TheStormInside
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    Hm, I am similar TeaTree. I think repressing my feelings for so long has left me with some wires crossed, and I feel like a teenager exploring true attraction for the first time. So, it may take some time to sort out.

    For me, like you, I get strong emotional connections to both men and women. I had one intense emotional crush on a guy I did eventually date, but physically with men I just don't "feel it." I try to remain open minded, and as my therapist has said to me, as well, even if I can't have a physical relationship with a guy, I can still have those close friendships. Being lesbian, or "mostly lesbian" doesn't preclude that.
     
    #4 TheStormInside, Oct 2, 2015
  5. crazydog15

    crazydog15
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    I've been confused about attraction for a long time, but with different things. For me, I've always had a lot of self-hatred mixed in with attraction to men. As I work to reduce (and hopefully eliminate) that, I'm looking at what feelings are "left."
     
    #5 crazydog15, Oct 2, 2015
  6. CapColors

    CapColors
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    I hear you on being confused. I actually feel like I have the opposite issue you do? (It's really an amorphous topic so maybe that doesn't even make sense to say...?)

    I think what it comes down to for me is that I've never felt sexual attraction withOUT an emotional connection...that is, until I started looking at women sexually. Now, feeling this physical attraction without an emotional connection first is really disorienting to me! To be frank, I dislike it. Not because it's towards women, but because I'm not used to feeling sexual desire based solely on visual input.

    Sigh. It makes me feel like a dirty old man.
     
    #6 CapColors, Oct 2, 2015
  7. CameronMR

    CameronMR
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    I can completely relate....
     
    #7 CameronMR, Oct 2, 2015
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