1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Looking in the mirror

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Orchidea123, Oct 4, 2015.

  1. Orchidea123

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2015
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    151
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    So today this one really got to my core..

    When I'm home with no makeup and just casual tee on, I walk by the mirror and starting to literally freak out. I love to wear makeup and feminine stuff. But, in plain clothes with no makeup, hair back, I am staring to recognize more masculine features of mine - I look like I may be a lesbian.
    Please, please don't get offended as I am the one who is profiling myself.
    I stare into my own eyes and wonder what do others see of me? I wonder what I've missed all these years about myself? Everyone I know including my family, do they ever wonder even subconsciously, does anyone know what I don't know??

    The woman I feel for, actually looks very similar to me, and I wonder if she noticed same thing. In any case, none of this can ever materialize into something real..
    She is really lucky to be comfortable in her own skin, free to date if she pleases, free to speak up her mind.. I am on the other hand trapped, married, 'straight' and tearing up..
     
  2. Really

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    I think maybe you've you've got it a bit wrong. Lesbians don't look masculine. They look comfortable in their own skin. Like your friend. So maybe you're gradually developing some of that comfort and maybe one day you'll be so comfortable you'll be a able to untrap yourself and live any way you want. No matter how you look.
     
  3. Distant Echo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2015
    Messages:
    462
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    on the verge of somewhere
    I hate reading that you feel trapped. Is there someone in your life you can talk to? Can you talk to your friend about what you are feeling?
     
  4. Orchidea123

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2015
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    151
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Unfortunately I can't.. Thank you for identifying with my perception, I am slowly moving forward!