I know this is longer than it needs/should be... So, I joined EC this summer when I began my journey of acknowledging and exploring my bisexuality, or the homosexual side of it. I've been dating and coming out to various people I know including my sister and some friends. I am trying to sort all this out and learn more about myself. Needless to say it has been quite the rollercoaster. I have been seeing a counselor/therapist as well. I feel good about it, but it does "ebb and flow". Anyway the purpose of this thread/post is to reach out to you fine people and see if you have any advice, input or accolades. I have been presented with an opportunity to live and work in Spain for approximately 7 months teaching English. I don't mean to sound as though I am complaining, but I am wondering if this is the right move for me considering the journey I embarked on this summer. On one hand, the timing is good and I feel this may be exactly what I need right now. On the other, I wonder if it will make this journey harder as I have started building some new relationships here at home. I wonder if going to a new place will make it easier to tell new people I meet there about my sexuality or will it be like running away from this process in a way. There are many factors I am considering and I certainly don't want someone I've only known for about a month to influence this type of decision, but I also met a guy that I had been spending a lot of time with over the last month. We are pretty into each other and I would be lying if I said he is not playing into my thought process. To add to this, the guy I have been dating knew from the day we met I had applied. I told him about a week ago it was looking more official/likely and I could tell he started pulling away. Then he sent a text saying he doesn't think we should send time together because I'm leaving and he is getting too attached to me. That was the moment I realized how much I in fact like him and I got really emotional. I know he has to be able to do what he feels is best for him, but I've also felt some of the things he has said are unfair. I just don't get why we need to terminate this relationship so abruptly. I will be leaving in about a month btw. Although it is only temporary and only about 7 months I would be gone, I am curious if anyone has had experience with making such a huge life decision (moving to another country to live) when they have so recently made another even bigger life decision (taking steps/strides in coming out). I am also terrible at being in my head and overthinking things.
My suggestion would be to look at the decision you need to make in isolation. Putting aside your sexuality and the person you have seen for only a month, is this something that you feel will be beneficial for yourself in the long run? Dealing with your sexuality is an ongoing journey which will occur regardless of where you were. In terms of the new relationship, you need to decide which is more of a priority to you. Is the risk inherent in a new relationship worth turning down the opportunity in Spain, or is the opportunity in Spain more important to the other goals in life which you have set for yourself. Only you can make a decision on that.
I agree with OTH. Maybe your relationship would stay open to continuing when you return if you speak openly to him. Seven months isn't that long! I did that once with the man who turned out to be my husband. I knew I needed to experience living abroad.
I will share with you the same as with any of my nephews and nieces. Go live your life, this sounds like a great opportunity for you to live overseas. You have the rest of your life to be all that you can be, if this gentlemen chooses to remain open to your adventure, great. If not, maybe it wasn't meant to be - at least for now. As OTH stated your sexuality travels with you, enjoy yourself.
I have lived overseas, (2 years in Kuwait) and I loved every day! That time in my life really influenced who I am today, and was the best opportunity I have ever had to grow. I wholeheartedly recommend going overseas to teach to everyone I know. You will make friends there that will be with you the rest of your life, even if you don't see them in person more than once every few years. As far as the relationship goes: 7 months seems like an eternity on the front side, but once you're through that time it will feel like an eye-blink. If you can agree to split and continue to communicate in a friendly way then you'll know when you come back if it's "meant to be". Personally, I feel that traveling how you will be is best done unattached so you can fully experience everything without feeling guilty about leaving your partner behind.
Everything always seems to happen at the same time right? What I first thought of when I read your post was what an awesome opportunity to teach in Spain for seven months! And truly seven months is not that long of a period of time...it will probably go by in a blink of an eye for you. I understand that you are just started to explore and process things right now, but if he really cared about you he would want you to have this experience and take this opportunity. The way he is acting is very odd to me and really seems a bit selfish. You yourself even said that some of the things he says to you have been unfair. Isn't there the saying: If you ever want something badly, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never yours to begin with. Follow your heart. Good luck.
