Alright, so my views on being gay are changing for the better. I'm becoming more open to myself, more open to others, more willing to take risks to see if another guy could maybe be gay, too. And it feels good. But while I'm becoming more accepting and less frustrated with myself, I'm becoming more frustrated with other people. In particular, I'm becoming angry at the people who I think kept me in the closet. I'm becoming angry at what I think they did to me, and it's not a good thing at all. Is this normal? Will the anger ever pass?
Hey crazydog15, I'd like to hear more about the people who kept you in the closet and what they did to you. I know that for me, I kept myself in the closet.
I'm really glad that you are developing a more positive view of being gay! From what I hear, anger is a natural phase, although it may be directed in different places for different people. For me, I became angry at the straight majority. I know, it's like being mad at the clouds, for all the good it does, but I truly was furious that not everyone was queer. I hate being a minority: I want the system to privilege my way of life! It did when I was straight. Sigh. I'm still working through it.
Crazydog, I actually refer back to this thread you started: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/lgbt-later-life/192537-forgiving-others.html For me, this is the key to unlocking and diminishing anger.
Every feeling you have is necessary; don't try to drown out that anger. Tune into it. Revel in it. And then let it go. Anger at others, society, yourself, it might never entirely go away. But it's definitely not something that you learn to deal with, and it helps to counter it with radical empathy. Even your human enemies are still human, and you might not agree with your bullies but they're no monsters. Take away their power by forgiving them.
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling that way and I know how crippling the anger can be. I came from a background where out of fear I wanted to be "like everyone else" and that made things very difficult for me in terms of accepting myself and my sexuality. I"m angry that I had parents like this, that I had bad experiences in life, everything. I don't know how to do deal with it either, just wanted to say I too am feeling this anger.
It's a roller coaster... Granted, it's less of a roller coaster than it was, and I'm less angry than before. But I still have bad days. :icon_sad: