There's a woman...

at work, that I'm attracted to. Well, to be honest I feel like I'm attracted to almost every sweet/cute/beautiful woman right now.

I'm not going to do anything with these feelings because married, and work, but it's nice to have a space where I can just say it out loud.

So first off there's the woman with the voice. She has this amazing voice that feels like she's running her fingernails on your spine. It's fairly amazing.

And then there's the woman in the office cafe, with the curves and the wonderful smile.

And then there's the woman I like the most, from afar of course, she's just a small crush. She's a bit boyish, but she has this amazing warmth, lovely smile. She doesn't fix herself up, she's just comfy in her jeans and sweatshirts, and something about her energy when she breezes by makes me feel all warm and comfortable.

Ah, ok...anyway, I hope this isn't an over share. I just don't know that to do with all of these feelings.

---------- Post added 6th Oct 2015 at 11:17 PM ----------

It's ok, right to let my mind wander when they pass by and think to myself, you are a very lovely woman, I love being near you...those are the things I'd say if the million reasons that I shouldn't say them were not in the way.

---------- Post added 6th Oct 2015 at 11:18 PM ----------

Ah, work is so distracting these days!

---------- Post added 6th Oct 2015 at 11:20 PM ----------

Have I turned into a hormone raging teen?

 

That's a comfort to read because now the floodgates are opening... I've verbalised it in writing and oh my, I don't think I'll be able to work or do anything properly again. I feel like a 15 year old. I just went a bit weak in my chest right now when sexy voice girl tossed her hair as she passed me.

 

Omg yes it is, I just wish I could fulfill some of these raging hormones.

 

I don't think I've actually ever honestly fantasised about someone in the middle of the workday. My mind is racing every time sexy voice girl laughs or talks. She sits fairly close to me.

 

Ah! I love these feelings and I just think like why was I so afraid of them before? It's a bit love/unfulfilled wish though, because....I'm just not going to be able to do anything with these feelings.

I think I could tell this to my bestie. But not really anyone else!

---------- Post added 7th Oct 2015 at 12:26 AM ----------

Yes!! :icon_redf

 

That happens too... I made a new friend, and when she touches my hand... She's just warm and lovely. But I have actual conversations with her. So the thoughts come later. But they haven't been this powerful yet bc the overwhelming-ness of it seems to just be hitting me now.

---------- Post added 7th Oct 2015 at 12:38 AM ----------

The soft warm breezy woman just made a Trekkie joke. Ah, I'm all yours! Come and be my sci-fi geek girlfriend !

---------- Post added 7th Oct 2015 at 12:49 AM ----------

I love her laugh, soft warm scifi woman. I think I have a genuine affection kind of crush for her, and the other women I've noticed are more sex-driven distraction inducing attractions.

All good stuff really. But if I had to choose if take the sweet warm woman over all of them.

Um except nevermind these are not real options!! I'm getting all wrapped up in a fantasy world here.

 

I'm starting to fall in love with Dr Who, but ST is like a piece of my heart ��.

And as I'm sitting here being distracted by these women, it just hit me.... I was totally in love with a woman in uni (MA program...so not that long ago) and I never recognised it. How was I so blind? I was her tutor, and I felt for her in every encounter almost exactly the same way I felt everytime I met my now husband on campus...

I'm just baffled at my lack of self-awareness in that area.

---------- Post added 7th Oct 2015 at 01:10 AM ----------

I always knew I was kind of crushing on m friend, and she on me, not long after that but...anyway

---------- Post added 7th Oct 2015 at 01:19 AM ----------

To clarify the last bit:

I always knew I was kind of crushing on my friend, a different person, and she on me, not long after that but...anyway. It's weird, I knew half the time that I was having feelings for women, some things were glaringly obvious to me. Some I simply pushed away, but no matter what, I never really pit it all together. Makes me feel a bit silly thinking back.

 

Well.... I suppose it wouldn't work at this stage in my life for 2 reasons:

1- my husband's general style/perspective/etc
Not to be destructive and look in the past, but my ex totally got my need to explore this stuff. If I had been ready then to come out fully it would have been amazing with his encouragement. He was ok with me being with women on my own or together, we did visit strip clubs, snd he introspected with me about being bi. He was too!

My husband on the other hand, he's not really comfortable with this stuff yet (he's trying), it would be a big stretch to get him to go to a strip club with me or even a bar just to look at women. And getting his blessing to go to a strip club on my own... Nope I don't think so.

Even in terms of just outside of my sexual orientation, he is pretty much a huge prude, so the idea if strip clubs is like too obscene for him.
Meh... This is going to be a long road working on this with him.

2- my mommy schedule...we barely get out (husband snd me) as it is together or on our own, and it's hard to carve out an evening for it. Getting her to bed on time is a big deal at this stage...she's still pretty little


I would totally do it otherwise. There's so many things I would do if not for my husband's lack of endorsement...

 

All of those would work in my life! Porn has already been s staple from as early on as I can remember and its always been girls, lol.
The other stuff I've been meaning to explore too...