ever have anxiety with the idea of sex with the opposite sex?

I'm sure it's quite normal. I have felt the same way for most of my life, but the root of my feelings about intimacy with the opposite sex are very likely due to being molested as a child. For me, intimacy with a man is also deeply linked to the additional abuse I endured while married to my ex-husband for 13 years.

I've been divorced for 5 years now, and I've finally gained enough mental/emotional distance from the past to realize that I can experience attraction to men. I'm not so sure about sexual intimacy though. Only time and experience will tell whether that "eww" factor is a result of my PTSD or something more innate.

 

I understand. I've "dated" a few women, but it's not like we ever had sex. It felt weird to a degree, since men are expected by society to have sex almost uncontrollably, but that isn't true. I explained it all away saying that I was a good religious person and that I wasn't supposed to have sex because of my religion; I even believed it for a while. But the truth is that I was never attracted to women all that much to begin with. I can appreciate a women's looks, I can think that a woman is very pretty. But that's really about it. I just don't have the same bond with women that I have with men.

 

For me, there were several scenarios at the "sex with men" chapter.

Either I didn't want to continue to go further after cuddling/kissing because I wasn't into it, either I continued and in that case it was one of these scenarios: I didn't feel a thing, somehow "checked out", couldn't go with it, or worse, I felt like it's gross and I'm violating myself. Or, with my last bf I felt this emotional connection, but sex itself felt like something is not completely right, something is missing. Like having sex with someone you are very close to but shouldn't really have sex with...There were years in our relationship where I felt that everything is so great, I just don't want to have sex with him.

I remember a few years ago one guy asking me during sex, why do I do it if I don't like it. Well, maybe I should have given a thought about that back then. But I couldn't accept being gay as an option for me at that time...

 

Now that I'm 99.9% sure I'm gay I'm finding the thought of sex with women tough (love women...they're awesome).

 

I'm sorry, I had to laugh when you said a guy told you, "I want you," and it creeped you out. I can relate. I was actually mid-sex with a dude once, literally, and I just hopped up and started putting my clothes on. He was like, "WTF?" I said, "Sorry, just really not feeling it. At all." He said, "But I was so close! I was almost there!" I said, "Yeah I'm going to go." And I left. Never had sex with him again.

I've never been into sex with men. I cannot think of one guy I've been with that I actually WANTED. I just did it to do it. Even when I had sex with my husband, I felt violated, even though he never did anything to make me feel that way unless I asked him to.

If you don't want to do it, don't. You'll just end up feeling awful.

 

This is closer to what I'm experiencing right now.

I've only had sex with two women in my life - my ex girlfriend of 7 years and my current fiancee. I've never had any problem getting aroused or performing with them, and there were times that I quite enjoyed our sex lives. It never stopped me from wanting to be with men though, sexually. But I've never been the guy who checks women out on the street or has any desire to take a random girl home from the bar and just have fun. With guys, most of my experiences have been random hook ups. But with girls, I've always needed some level of emotional connection first before making anything physical (I was friends with both of my partners for a time before we got together).

But lately, and I don't know if this is because I feel less emotionally connected to my fiancee or if my last "relationship" with a guy just changed me that much, but I'm having a hard time getting into and enjoying sex with her now. Especially mentally, like before it happens. I want to have sex, but thinking about doing it with her isn't the most enticing thing anymore. And strangely, I don't just want random hookups with guys anymore either. It actually sort of makes me want a boyfriend or something so that there's the emotional connection (which I never needed with a guy before) and the sex that I've always sort of enjoyed more than sex with women.

 

THIS!!! When I was married I did what I thought was expected of me. It grossed me out, but I reluctantly went through the motions for years and was always happy to have it over with. I was basically just letting him use my body. Eventually it got to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore. So I stopped.

Then my best friend lectured me on doing my "wifely duty". I forced myself to lay there that last time out of misplaced guilt, and when it was done I felt raped. That was the last time I was intimate with him. I felt so violated that I wouldn't let him touch me at all after that, not in any way, even in non-sexual ways.

It's taken me 5 years to realize that my experiences with my ex-husband cannot be used as a frame of reference toward all men. I've recently recognized and come to terms with the fact that I can be attracted to men. Attraction and sex are two different things though. So I'm not sure if this new revelation will lead anywhere in the future. But it's a curious thing for me.

 

I have always felt anxiety at having sex with men. Always. Even now. I thought it was normal, actually, until recently.