Is this all that you guys think about now?

Well, your definitely on a role with all your posts! Clearly its on your mind

Likewise, I can definitely relate (I assume its equally obvious).

Isn't it nice to just to focus on you? I certainly think so!

 

Yes. Honestly between the rumination, the therapy visits, and the EC posting, it's like a part time job!

I should be working rn, for example.

Which reminds me, gotta go! <3

 

You NEED the time to focus on you. And you should not feel bad about that. Give yourself the slack you need away from your daily routine to continue to focus on yourself.

At the same time, everything needs a balance, and your trying to figure out the right balance.

 

Yes.

 

What you are experiencing is completely normal, of course you are thinking deeply about this, it's your core identity that is being uncovered, this is no small change, it's pretty much going to determine a large part of the rest of your life!

Nevertheless, a day will come when you will use the word "We" when referring to the LGBT+ community, and you will use it unselfconsciously, what will be new is that it will no longer be new...that will be the day you will have integrated and absorbed what you have discovered about yourself.

When that day comes, celebrate!

 

I do believe I have finally found a good balance. In my first year of coming out, I mentally checked out for a while from work. Did I show up, and get stuff done? Yes! But it did take a back seat to the time I needed for myself.

As my journey evolved, I was able to refocus more and more on work while continuing to focus on myself (and my family).

Now, I do believe I have found the right balance. I am just as productive as I was historically at work, I have reach some critical milestones with my family, and I still have time to participate on EC regularly!

 

It is comforting jn the extreme that this only took you a year

 

I'm with you on this Baristajedi, too distracted with this sometimes. I hadn't really thought about the time issue until you brought it up. You are right, as a husband, father, professional there is no time to think about this stuff but I spend time thinking about it anyway. Very difficult to make decisions on the next step.

 

yes of course, wavering between anxiety, fear, lust, giddiness. More lust and giddiness these days.

 

Oh, thank goodness, it's not just me???

---------- Post added 8th Oct 2015 at 12:18 PM ----------

Being a parent and even a spouse makes it all that much more difficult. I completely understand and my wife has started commenting jealously about how often I am on here because I am still trying to process everything. I just want to make sense of it but I think sometimes it's helpful to me to just... get out and ignore it? But oh, goodness, that parallel life sounds like such a good idea. Self exploration in life just gets... hard After a while!

 

Totally. Trying not to let it overtake everything, but it's a huge thing right now. Luckily I like my job, and got to do a long work study vacay recently. It kept me busy, and allowed me time with close friends, so I could also focus on their lives, not just mine!!

 

Almost non stop.

 

This.

And I gotta control it this afternoon lol. I've been invited around to my crushes house for a chat and I'm really going to have to hold myself in. Just about jumped out my skin when she rang!
Sitting here figuring out what to wear and I usually just chuck on a pair of jeans and some random top. But the days I know I can see her, I spend a ridiculous amount of time planning my clothes. And I simply don't do that.

Argh!

 

Totally! It's so distracting but in a good way.

Today I was out with my mom and kids. As I was walking this girl walks up to me with a huge smile saying hi. I scanned the inside of my brain to try and put a face with a name and remember where I knew her from. As she approached me closer her yoga pants drew my eyes to the curves of her hips and her tiny tank top gave me full view of her strong shoulders. Turns out she trains martial arts with my husband and she is a hot yoga instructor. Honestly didn't matter if I knew her or not, I was glad to meet her, she brought some sunshine into my day oh to be fifteen again!

 

Sitting here replaying my afternoon, and had to slow down the car driving back I was so hyped. What a fantastic afternoon, and I'm going around for dinner and movies tomorrow night while her husband is on a guy's night out....

Oh, and she asked me if I go into her work on the days she works because she is there, and I admitted that I did...