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Marriage Equality and Coming out Later in Life

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by OnTheHighway, Oct 14, 2015.

  1. OnTheHighway

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    When I look back on my journey, I can't help but to think that the waive of marriage equality progress globally (first UK, then US), played a role with my own acceptance and coming out. Now with anti discrimination laws being debated to include LGBT (at least stateside), and other countries whom eliminate marriage hurdles for LGBT, it seems to reinforce the wave of acceptance that is sweeping the globe. And with that reinforcement, validates the decisions I made to come out to both myself and everyone I know.

    It feels good to be out and proud in 2015!
     
  2. CameOutSwinging

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    I get exactly what you mean, and it's part of what makes me feel guilty (for lack of a better term) about not being sure yet if I'm gay and exploring it. Like, I saw the movie Steve Jobs this weekend and (no spoilers) there's a part that talks about Alan Turing. I mean, this man is one of the forefathers of the modern computer, and he lived in a time where being gay was literally a criminal offense that he was found guilty of. Living in the year 2015 in a place like NYC, where you can be as open and honest as anybody and feel fairly safe and secure, it almost feels unfair to others who couldn't or can't to not be.
     
  3. Shadowsylke

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    It does feel like an exciting and liberating time, I agree. I left a controlling hetero marriage and now am married to a incredible woman, and it's not a big deal. It's just normal. I feel like none of this would have been possible not so long ago, and I am very grateful and proud to be living in such a time where being my authentic self is not only possible, but celebrated. It's amazing.

    And CameOutSwinging, I get what you mean about Alan Turing and others who suffered before us...but try not to take on any unnecessary guilt. You are on your own journey, and you will get to your destination when you are meant to get there. It's all good!

    :kiss:
     
  4. CapColors

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    I am VERY pleased at how LGBT rights are being acknowledged in the US, although certainly gay marriage is just a small part of all that needs to be done. There's still lots of work to do, to be sure.

    I feel like we are still about a decade or two away from a functional social understanding of bisexuality; in darker moments I feel like I'm going to miss it becoming normalized entirely. Hopefully I'm wrong. Social changes can reach a tipping point.

    Once the gay marriage dominos started to fall, legal rights came pretty quickly. It took a long time to reach that tipping point, though, of course. Basically the old guard needed to start retiring and/or dying off.
     
  5. greatwhale

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    I agree that guilt is probably too strong a term, even regret doesn't quite capture how this feels.

    Many of us later-in-lifers stayed much longer in the closet than we should have, but this decision was not irrational, it seemed like a good idea at the time, and life had to be lived under the logic of that closet: including marriage, including kids.

    Not all of us are cut out to be pioneers or rebels, nor were we so far on the LGBT spectrum that we were convinced beyond all possible doubt of our sexualities; there was plenty of doubt, and plenty of social pressure to choose an easier path as a consequence of that doubt.

    No, the feeling I have is a surrender to gratitude. I could have been one of those pioneers, but I chose not to be a rebel, I could easily damn myself for being so well-behaved...but that is the past, I can't change a thing about it. Surrender to gratitude means first and foremost to acknowledge that one can't possibly pay back what we owe to our brothers and sisters who came before us. But be grateful anyway, tell our story to as many as would hear it, celebrate the pride that we feel for having crossed that dark tunnel that all of us have had to go through when becoming ourselves and telling others who we are.

    My gratitude extends to concrete actions, volunteering, attending Pride, being involved and taking on the needs of our community, and most of all, openly loving whomever I choose to love. That is my surrender to gratitude and I am joyfully living it!
     
  6. OnTheHighway

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    Wise words indeed!