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Getting to see my BFF in 2 days!

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by bi2me, Oct 14, 2015.

  1. bi2me

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    I'm traveling tomorrow towards my bff! My husband and I are booked into a romantic hotel on the way to their city, and then we get to spend Friday night through Monday morning with them before heading back home. My parents have our kids (on vacation), so it should be a pretty fun and relaxing trip. I'm excited, but also a little bit nervous, since I haven't seen her since the spring when we both admitted we would jump each other if we could.

    Anyway, if I'm not on here for a few days and anyone has anything you want me to know, leave me a message on my wall or PM me. I'll try to touch base for a few minutes each day if I can, but if I'm having too much fun (or being too drunk), I'll check in next week. :slight_smile:
     
  2. Thirdtimecharm

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    Yay! Enjoy yourself (!)
     
  3. CapColors

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    Enjoy yourself!!! I hope the trip is fun and not too weird. <3 <3 <3
     
  4. bi2me

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    Hi ladies (and any gents reading along)...

    Here's my story of the weekend.

    We left early in the morning after getting our kids to my parents for their vacation. Yay! Less stress... no kids!

    I committed to myself that I was going to basically keep my devices put away in the car so we could talk/listen to the radio/keep him entertained/I jokingly suggested road head, but decided that wasn't safe. :wink:

    And talk we did! We talked quite a bit about how I feel about our relationship, sexuality in general, and what I really want/what he wants. He's decided that most people probably have at least a bit of attraction/appreciation for both sexes, and that probably a larger proportion of people would admit to being bisexual if there weren't social stigmas about it or beliefs about what it means if you say you are bisexual. This is kind of a big thing for him to realize, but he is really getting the continuum kind of thing. We also discussed this for gender on the way home a bit.

    So, in the midst of our talk, he says that he knows I want to be with a woman, and he hopes that we can figure out a way to make that happen some day, but that it seems like it would be too much stress and confusion with little kids. I totally agree with that, which is why I put on the other thread, that we are probably on a 10-15 year plan. He also said he worries about what happens if he knows the other person and is friends with them, and we both said that we weren't interested in having sex with someone we didn't know well. I said that I wasn't really interested in having a girlfriend, as I can't imagine at least right now trying to maintain really close romantic relationships with two people. I can totally imagine having a friend with benefits, as that's kind of what I had in high school, and it did work way back then, at least for me... I haven't really asked him about how he felt about it - I guess I can save that for the next big conversation.

    Anyway, the weekend went way too fast. We had a great time on our romantic overnight complete with a fall leaf hike and a historic hotel tour.

    Had an awesome time with my bff and her husband. When we got there, we kind of just hugged each other really tight for probably 5-10 minutes. (Yeah, anyone think there might be feelings on both sides of that?) But it's not like a weird awkward thing we have to hide. The guys are ok with a pretty high level of affection as long as it doesn't cross the nebulous line towards sexy type behavior.

    Got to hang out, cuddle, drink, and play Exploding Kittens and Cards Against Humanity each of the three nights we were there. We are totally open with our husbands about our sexuality, and at least to some degree our affection/attraction to each other. We discussed other women we thought were cute/hot, especially in the paintings we saw at the art museum. I'm kind of a Renoir gal - I am and like girls a bit curvy. :slight_smile:

    Last night before we all went to bed, she and I were downstairs alone for a few minutes and had another really long hug and a little peck kiss, which I would have done in front of the guys, and it was really nice to just hold each other.

    So, we see each other again at Christmas/NYE, but probably in a larger group unless I can try to swing something with just the two of us. Hopefully we can talk later this week.

    TL;DR: Had a really fun trip. Got to discuss lots of important/interesting sexuality related topics with my husband and bff and her husband. Got to cuddle. No awkward moments.
     
  5. CapColors

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    Oh I'm so glad!!! Yay.

    Although I gotta ask, what in the world is the difference between friend with benefits and a girlfriend? For the life of me I don't know that I could distinguish between them. Is it just that they see other people too? I missed hook up culture in college entirely, heh.
     
  6. TeaTree

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    That sounds like a great weekend, bi2me. Happy it went well. Also I'm constantly amazed by the level of honesty and openness you and your husband manage to have when it comes about sexuality. I guess I could learn from this :slight_smile:

    Though there is one thing I find difficult to understand, that you are putting your desire to have a relationship (or something) with a woman on a 10-15 year plan...
    But that's just me...I can't imagine how my life will look like in 10-15 years. Considering the fact how much I've changed in the last 10 years, I don't know ...
    Just a question: are you in any way hoping that your desire of being with a woman will go away in 10-15 years? Just curious...
     
  7. SnowshoeGeek

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    This is very exciting! I hope you will continue to keep us posted!!!

    (&&&)​
     
  8. bi2me

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    I also missed hooking up. So, she and I were best friends in high school, and at some point, that crossed the line into intimacy. The rest of our relationship never changed. Neither of us considered ourselves to be dating. We each dated other people at that same time. I never experienced much jealousy toward anyone she was dating, and she said she felt the same way. Our intimacy was an extension of our friendship, but we never felt like we had more ability to expect things from each other (time, energy, etc) beyond what we expected from a friend we were especially close to.

    I think that's the difference, to me. She wasn't someone I was involved with dating. We did best friend kind of dates, but they felt different than those with my now husband (which co-occurred). He told me he thought she was like an ex-girlfriend, and I told him it wasn't like that for me. So I asked her (especially since she has a lot more experience dating men and women), and she agreed with me. From the outside though, it probably looks a lot the same. We hold hands, have lengthy hugs, even quick peck kisses, but it doesn't feel like someone I'm dating. In fact, she is not someone I would choose to date. Our lifestyles are completely incompatible. But she is someone I would consider having sex with, in the context of our very close friendship.

    Does any of that make sense, or am I talking in circles? Ask me ?? And I will try to clarify.
     
  9. CapColors

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    Thank you for trying! I think I get it. I've never had any kind of sex with someone I wasn't dating, so it's a new concept.

    It's hard for me to see beyond the woman I love right now. She's someone who I could have made it work with long term, for sure, if she loved me and we'd met before we were married. We're very compatible.

    But I like the idea of re-framing my attraction to her as wanting to be friends with benefits, because it's less threatening to my conscience than wanting her as a girlfriend. Since I'm looking for ways to diffuse my attraction for her, this might be a good step. Hopefully eventually I can just think of her as a friend again.
     
  10. bi2me

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    I was talking with my friend last night (the guy who is bi gender, so there is some overlap in how we are dealing), and he said that he has an ex fwb (another of our friends from high school) whom he still likes to hang out with, but an ex gf (who is married to a different HS friend) he can't stand.

    That might be part of the difference too. It's like the sex is just an extension of the friendship (although you still have the sexy time feelings), but it doesn't place more responsibility on you than a best friend, even though there is sex involved. So if the sex ends, maybe it is easier to still be friends?
     
  11. CapColors

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    It's such a hard concept for me. I think it's because I tend to be kind of a romantic friend with my best friends. My best friends and I have always been sort of the "I love you" kind of type of BFFs. For me, that's already pretty much a romantic relationship, and I wouldn't be able to separate out sex from the romance that's kind of already there.

    I tend to either have acquaintances or REALLY close friends. So there isn't a ton of middle ground in my life, which is where I'd probably have to draw a FWB from.

    I CAN think of a few, though. Women who fit the profile of someone I wouldn't want to date but would have had sex with. They tended not to be my closest friends.

    Hmmm. That doesn't really help me with my current issues but it may be something to look out for going forward, should I ever get to the point where I can talk to my husband about such a thing. I'm sure he'd be less threatened by someone I swore up and down I would never want to date. And vice versa, if it ever came to that.
     
    #11 CapColors, Oct 21, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2015
  12. bi2me

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    Well, I'm kind of the same on the I love you friends and then acquaintances. I really think it has more to do with the obligation you feel towards the other party. My husband and kids would always be a priority, and someone else I'm dating would compete with that, more than someone who is just a friend, even if sex is involved. I mean, I hug and kiss and hold hands and cuddle my best friend and one or two other women, but I'm not dating them. The expectations are just different.
     
  13. rachael1954

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    I'm so glad you got a wonderful warm embrace by your lady friend! Those hugs are what keep me going during the worst of my misery.

    Thanks for sharing and hope you can see her again sooner than NYE.

    Also - you just rocked my world with Exploding Kittens. I had no idea this game existed and now I am so excited to try it!!! :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile::eusa_danc
     
  14. bi2me

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    No chance of getting together in person before that week(ish), but it's sooner than we usually have to go. She's on the road for her job almost 100% of the weeks, and sometimes on the weekend too. Plus, they live more than 8 hours away by car. Plus, we have kids and they don't (have or want them). It's a lot of reasons. But, it's also why I'd never want to date her or have her for a life partner. We both consider our relationship in HS to be sort of FWB, and I think that's probably what we'd both like to have happen at some point in time now. A few times a year of intimacy with her would probably keep me going through the rest of the year. I feel calmer and more myself when I am with her, especially when I'm also with my husband... I think it's the fact that I am more "queer" around her. I also to a lesser extent feel that way when I'm with my friend who is bi gender and his wife who is bisexual. It's like the load comes off and for a bit I can just let it all hang out.
     
  15. rachael1954

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    Awesome! I love that feeling :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile: