First off I'm a single parent with a beautiful boy. It's just him and I. I just moved in the last 12 months to start afresh as my little friend has special needs to attend to and I wanted to have access to the best facilities to accomidate him. He is on the Autism spectrum. I will always put him first because he is the sunlight of my life and I know that's what's best. When I am with him I am home. I don't know how to deal with what I'm going through. I've been going through it for a while. I guess that's why I am here. First off i like people for who they are not what they are. They're is no line for me. I haven't really come to terms with it but I guess internally I'm getting there. I don't tend to think about (mainly I ignore it) i have periods where I'm really depressed all the time because I can't deal with it. I think about what i should be not who I am. I just want the emotional connection but I don't want the baggage of a relationship. Other times I am completely fine with the idea of being a relationship free hermit for the rest of my life. I enjoy my own company. I come from a large family where expectation is the law. My mother is narrow minded and ignorant I don't think I could ever find the balls to tell my father. I'm expected to have a house, a husband 2.5 kids. My brother knows about my indiscretions and a few close friends (only because I've slept with them) other than that it's all jokes and hear say. I feel like I can't talk about it to anyone, I don't think anyone would take me seriously if I told them my truths. I feel like I'm suffocating. I can't be myself and it kills me.
First off. Congratulations on being lucky enough to have a little boy on the Autism spectrum. My little boy is not so little anymore (he's 14 and taller than me lol) and he is the light of my life too. Contact me if you ever need to vent. Next. Bugger their expectations. You have your life to lead, and they don't get to control it. Can you find a support group nearby? I'm in country VIC and there are bugger all but I'm told Melbourne has quite a few? Just being able to talk to someone will help. In the meantime, that's what we are here for. I think this place might be keeping me sane. Well, as sane as I ever get anyway. And welcome fellow Aussie
I agree with inamirrordarkly - bugger their expectations! I completely get where you're coming from, and how hard it is to actually do that. I have to think, though, do I want my kids to feel like I wouldn't stand up for them to their grandparents? If I can do that for them, I can do it for me. I'm not going to "come out" to my parents, but if I end up dating a woman, I'm not going to hide her, either. That doesn't mean I'm lying to them, it just means this is my information to disseminate on my timeline, in my own way. Also, I'm of the opinion that women have been taught for too long to be ashamed of their sexuality - in general! - and you say your brother knows of your indiscretions. What makes them indiscretions? Are you not entitled to be the person you are, and to enjoy expressing your sexuality as a person? I encourage you to reframe what your brother knows. I hope you seek out a support group - and find one! - and that you are able to accept that their expectations are their issue. My favorite saying about such things is - Not my circus, not my monkeys. Their expectations are their circus and monkeys; you've got plenty of your own monkeys to wrangle. Best wishes!
Honey, You should really be able to be yourself and do whatever you think is right for you. Nobody else can live your life, you can not make your self unhappy so that others can be happy. Sometimes it's just good to be a little selfish in a positive way. And be blessed with your special son who makes you a special mom. He should be the only one you really need to worry about how he thinks about or expect from you. Take good care of yourself. xxxx. ( sorry English is not my first language )
Welcome!!! No matter what feelings you are having inside, this is the place for people who are struggling to allow those feelings to come out. I personally relate to "not wanting the baggage of a relationship" and I have also recently discovered this forum which has a spectrum of people: Asexual Visibility and Education Network I hope you continue to post and read, and in a short time see how many of us are out there who feel that same weight of the world's opinions that we'd like to shrug off. (&&&)
I don't personally know what you are going through, but as with most things in life, you are most certainly not the only one feeling that way. You may have a rather unique set of difficulties to deal with in your life, but there are always people out in the world similar to you. If it is hard to find that, then look for people that share difficulties on a case by case level. Look for support in your sexuality, then in dealing with your mother, then with your family unit. I have different people in my life that I trust to talk to about different things. I only really share everything with one person, and it is their job to listen to me. Just try to find support where you can, and EC is a great place to start.
