I need a little advice (If you don't mind?) I am a bi woman and as such I have several gay friends. No biggie. 8 weeks ago via one of my friends I was introduced to this amazing man. We instantly hit it off and became friends. We like many of the same things so it was easy to make time to see him. During the first few weeks we both went on dates with other people and would chat with each other about them afterwards. And carried on in an intimate but friendship setting. (Nice) Last week I had to finish our trip a little early and he said 'I don't think you should go, you should stay here with me.' The next day when I saw him for our usual coffee he was really bitchy about the guy I had gone on the date with; which I found really odd. This past week has been strange. Last night we was out for dinner and out of nowhere he said to me 'this is crazy, but I am in love with you' - I nearly dropped my forkful of pasta and fell off my chair! We spoke for several hours about what that means to him and to us. I would be the first woman he has sex with. I have reserved my input as I need to think about this. So, does it really happen that a gay man can fall in love with a woman and they then have a relationship? I have known it happen before but the people involved where younger, we are in our 40's.
As a gay guy, that would be difficult for me to understand. Maybe he is actually bi and not gay? He could be a late "bi" bloomer?
Re: An Odd Situation Indeed Thanks for the reply. I am just really confused. I am sure he is too. He has messaged me today and I haven't replied I feel very mean, but I need this sorted in my head. I have spoken with a trusted gay friend (I don't want anyone else to know just now) and he said he had a similar thing in his early 40's (who new?!) but she didn't take him up on it at first but they remained friends and then they got together however long afterwards. Their relationship came to a natural end and no one was hurt. I wouldn't be that lucky .. I never am! Late bloomer. Now there's a thought.
Just as you state your orientation as fluid, you may consider his to be that as well. Sexuality is too large to be contained in any single label, it is a fascinating psychological conundrum: we need labels, or better, definitions, in order to understand what we are investigating, but on the other hand, the labels themselves are not neutral, adopting one does seem to have an effect on behaviour. This adds layers of complication upon the whole matter. A boy loves you, a woman (that is as generic or label-free as it gets). Why not go with it and see where it leads?
My friend was just telling me last night about a man she knows who identifies as gay and the same thing happened him. He is normally (as he puts it) SO SO GAY. But twice he's fallen in romantic love with a woman and then later the physical relationship followed. I mean, that's only a data point of ONE, so it doesn't mean everything. But sexuality can change. I didn't have any IDEA I was bi before I fell for a woman. I might be over-identifying with your friend but he must feel pretty strongly to even allow himself to contemplate leaving his orientation.
What worries me is, arguably, I am that guy. I identified as gay when I was a teenager (I came out at 19 to a few friends and family) and then fell for a girl who I was really close friends with. After that ended (7 years later), I fell for another girl, who I've known since birth, my current fiancee. But the truth is, my feelings for both girls were never enough for me to stop messing around with guys. Openly in the first relationship (she knew) and sadly behind the back of my current relationship (not that it makes things better, but I haven't in almost 2 months now). I don't question that I truly fell in love with these women, but in my heart I've always known that men are more attractive to me sexually and fulfilling. I convinced myself long ago that I couldn't have romantic feelings for a guy, though this summer proved otherwise. Yes, sexuality is fluid, I believe that. The fact that I can physically get turned on when having sex with a woman (only the two I have mentioned here) makes me think I have to be bi at least in the basic sense of the term, but leaning way more towards guys. And that's why I think I'd be happier in a relationship with a guy. But I tell you, when you have feelings for somebody, in the moment as it's happening, you really don't feel like sexuality matters or any of that. But at the end of the day, it comes back. Came back for me, if it ever even really went away.
i believe people fall in love with the person not the gender/ect. i know a lesbian who fell in love with a man & had 25 years of happiness til his death. neither of them were very sexual beings however.
