Are you able to talk about these stuff also with people IRL?

Nope. EC is where I get a lot of stuff off my mind, not just gay stuffs. I don't really have anybody irl that I can talk to about even somewhat personal stuff

 

I talk freely with my husband, for the most part. Some things i censor to spare his feelings but its things mostly i just have to reword not necessarily hide completely. Hes it, tho and it gets frustrating cause his opnions and thoughts are different and not always helpful. Sometimes i feel panicked about not having someone else to talk to irl. Ive come out to 4 people. My sister doesnt understand my feelings, my mom, while she has been very wonderful about it doesnt really know what to say outside of i should be who i am. My friend is having a lot of personal things going on right now so ive been trying not to bother her...

Sometimes the amount of confusion and censoring and eemotions are TOO overwhelming and i feel like i cant cope.

Is there anyoen else in your life that you could possibly come out to to talk with? Someone safe and understanding?

Seems to me coming out is a huge relief at first and then later is this deep deep doubt and then it levels out to "normal" .which leads to the confusion, it seems

 

Yes, with my girlfriend and also our 3rd best friend, who is a straight woman. She gets it, and we can TT her also.

 

I do have a few people, thankfully that I can talk to in real life, and it helps a lot.

Might I suggest some avenues for you to get out your thoughts and feelings? Counselling, journaling, lgbt support groups, blogging. All of those hsvr offered me additional comfort and serve to normalise my feelings.

Also, if you feel up to it, consider opening up once in a while about small things to someone you trust - set a goal, like this week I will mention in passing a female celebrity crush.

I did something sort of mild like that with a coworker, referred to both Storm and Wolveribe as sexy. Just as naturally as talking about the weather. I think it likely went over his head in terms of "outing me", but I didn't care, I just wanted to say it without thinking twice.

Also, you may be able to talk with your mom or sister more than you expect, but I don't know your relationship, so take it witha grain of salt.

When I opened up to my sister, I was thinking we wouldn't go beyond the feelings aspect and into talking about what we like in partners or people we find attractive, but she started introspecting about how she finds some women sexy, and would "sleep with them in a minute", but that's just a surface desire because she can't imagine the emotionsl connection she feels with men. It gave me space to talk about my own feelings and needs for intimacy and connection with women.

 

The closest I get to that is one friend I have to whom I've come out, who worked in a religious organization with which I volunteered. He's more conservative than I am, but he's been a sympathetic listening ear to my issues with homophobia in these circles, although I feel like I can't talk to him about the fact that my beliefs have shifted to being open to a relationship with another guy (I used to believe, as he still does, in the stream of our religious tradition that mandates celibacy for lesbian and gay people). So no, I don't have anyone IRL that I can talk to about the full spectrum of experiences that I feel as a gay guy.

 

My few gay friends get it of course. Decent listeners.

 

Not really. Only with my bestfriend, but as my family also doesn't know, so I keep everything secret

 

It's funny how do many of us think "maybe I'm just imagining all this". But I've decided, after 26 years of same sex attraction (age 10 on), I'm not imagining it. This is only a recent perspective chsnge for me, so I totally get that feeling.

 

IRL I try to talk to my partner, but he always turns it around to sex and then him wanting sex. So yeah, right now. No. The closest we come to discussing this is if I change it to me talking about someone else on this site. I can't talk about me with him.
And J. The only person I've told that I'm probably lesbian not bi. But we talk about everything. We haven't had a chance to go into any depth about it as I only came out to her on Friday, and I didn't see her over the weekend. But she added me as a friend on fb after that so pretty sure she has no problems with it at all
(!)

As for family, my parents are both dead, and I'm not particularly close to any of my Siblings. One I might tell, at some point, but she'll just be very embarrassed and wont want to talk about it. Certainly won't be telling my brothers.

And not ready to tell my kids.

This place is keeping me sane. Sort of. As close as I get anyway lol.

 

I find it interesting that you are isolating yourself. I isolated myself because I couldn't/wouldn't accept it. I didn't let myself get close, to anyone, but especially women, because I didn't want to let my secret out. I have very few friends as a result (and my social skills are knackered lol) but I'm finding that I'm a little more confident in myself now. And I wear my rainbow bracelets all the time, even made myself an anklet. And went with the radical haircut (so much more like me now, so short lol, and getting compliments on how good it looks, which is wonderful)
Can you do something like that to build up your confidence?

 

The only people I have in my life that know are my ex, my kids, and my mother and sister. I have no friends, work a 70 hour week around a small group of guys and I don't have the level of comfort with anyone to talk about any of it. My sister and I haven't talked much over the last several years, and my mother.....she accepts it all and it changes nothing between us, but idk maybe I'm not much of a sharer. The narrow scope of my life is rather frightening when I step back and really look at it.
Sucks because I would love to meet someone, but social anxiety and working the way I do make it all feel impossible.

 

Yes, I actually have several queer friends including my best friend who's bi and I'm really thankful for them. The problem for me is that I'm often not good at talking about my feelings out loud with other people, so EC's still a really important outlet for me, and it's helped me a lot.

 

Some of my friends know, and I'm so grateful for their support. However, they are straight straight straight, so it's of limited use.

 

I have a few family members who know, but I don't really talk at length to them about it. My mom kind of ignores it at this point. I've told two of my four brothers. One is just the chill, "Oh, that's cool" type, and if I really wanted to talk about it, I'm sure he'd be more than willing. But, it's just kind of a weird thing to talk about with your brother. The other brother is one that I have a really close relationship with, but he's pretty immature in general, so he does things like say, "Hey lesbo," when he picks up the phone for a phone call, or he'll want to talk about whether not I think this girl or that girl is hot -- no deep conversations with that one . . . but I do have to say that he brings a sense of humor to the whole thing, and it's nice to have that comic relief and that sense that it's "no big deal." The teasing doesn't bother me because I've been dealing with it for 30 years and anything else would probably make it uncomfortable. Does that make sense?

I came out to my best friend from high school a few weeks ago, and she was totally cool with it, but I don't talk to her very often, and she kept questioning me, "Are you sure you're not bi? Are you SURE?" To the point that I actually started to doubt myself, even though I AM sure. So I probably won't chat much with her about it anymore. I came out to another friend last night (yay!), and she was very supportive, but -- well, you know, you guys probably understand -- straight people who have never questioned their sexuality really can't comprehend the emotional turmoil, so it's hard to talk to them about it.

My husband and I talk openly about it, but it's still a little strange. I can tell parts of discussing it hurt him, even though he won't say it. So, being conscious of his feelings, I kind of let him take the lead in conversations -- and for now, outside of counseling, he seems to be trying to ignore it, even though we are planning on separating once we can financially swing it.

So I guess EC is really the only place where I can say what I truly feel. Though I did go to my first PFLAG meeting yesterday (yay again!) and they were totally welcoming and seem like a real close, supportive bunch. So I have high hopes for that!

 

I'm very lucky I have a great supportive group of family and friends that I discuss issues with.

Also I'm starting to develop a group of Gay friends that I can discuss things with.

 

Just my counselor for now.