1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

A (not so?) trivial topic - hair!

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SnowshoeGeek, Oct 19, 2015.

  1. SnowshoeGeek

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2015
    Messages:
    295
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iowa
    I'm considering getting a haircut that looks more boyish or "lesbian" - I don't mean offense to anyone by that! But - the lesbians I have met in real life have mostly got decidedly shorter hair, and I am wanting to do something that at least signifies my not trying to look overly feminine anymore.

    My hairdresser for the past six years is a wonderful woman and she'll say, no doubt, let's move a little in that direction and see how you feel.

    Is hair a signifier for you of sexual preference? I'm grasping for ways to make the entire thing easier, how to attract women or make it clearer to women that I'm approachable... I feel like I need some sort of signal. But also, I am so sick of dealing with trying to make myself look feminine and want something lower maintenance. Just also afraid of the negative associations with "manly" haircuts on women (that is much of the shame I have carried from hearing the word "mannish" tossed about by homophobic men.)

    How do you feel about hair, is it at all important as an identifier for you? Have you had any urges to change your hair? I always cut my hair short when I'm making a major change in my life. But I hate to say it, I don't feel "skinny enough to get away with it" which is just more shaming from society at large about what people are supposed to look like.

    Ugh, I'm a mess! :eek::roflmao:
     
  2. Distant Echo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2015
    Messages:
    462
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    on the verge of somewhere
    Lol as I posted in the other thread. The long hair is gone...and it seems more like the me I am letting myself be.
    Kept the fringe longish because I like to shove it back behind my sunnies, and stops the hair from being masculine
     
  3. cate1515

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2015
    Messages:
    99
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Nope both me and my girlfriend have longer hair we keep looking cute I actually said to her the other day pls don't cut your hair off Id never want to be with a woman who looks like a man and we both laughed about it.
     
  4. driedroses

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2015
    Messages:
    316
    Likes Received:
    334
    Location:
    Louisville
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Several years ago, my brother-in-law would not let his daughter be around her cousin, because the cousin had short hair and was "obviously" a lesbian and would corrupt his daughter. The girls were younger teenagers at the time. Funny thing, the one who had short hair is straight and the other is a lesbian. :slight_smile:

    It's an inside joke in our family that the young ladies and women with short hair are lesbians, and that I should wear my hair shoulder length to indicate that I'm bisexual.

    If length signifies to women an interest in women, I'm not proof of it, as I wear my hair pretty short. I got it cut yesterday and the stylist wanted to be sure to leave some femininity to it by tapering a part that would be cut straight in a man's cut. I get absolutely zero interest from women, unfortunately!
     
  5. Shadowsylke

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2015
    Messages:
    252
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    in my own skin (finally!)
    Yeah, I don't think hairstyle has anything to do with it. I suppose if you wanted to look a certain way and make a statement, you could get it cut in a more tomboyish style, as there is that stereotype about the way lesbians are "supposed to" look...but there are plenty of gay women who don't look like that at all. I would be one of them. :icon_wink
     
  6. mellie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2015
    Messages:
    242
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Raleigh NC
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I have a pixie, but it suits me. Just because you have short hair doesn't mean you'll look like a man. That's kind of funny. I still definitely look like a girl.

    ---------- Post added 19th Oct 2015 at 11:23 AM ----------

    Let me just say that short hair is awesome. Throw some pomade in it, rough it up, and you're good to go :wink:
     
  7. baristajedi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    2,838
    Likes Received:
    828
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I like the idea of short hair and it gives me a sense of freedom. I feel like I'm expressing tomboy side. I've been thinking about cutting mine really short. I don't know that anyone will know I'm queer from that but I'll feel good because I like blurring gender lines a bit. I do like to maintain femininity as well, femme butch I guess.
     
  8. High Art

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2015
    Messages:
    142
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Vancouver
    Get the haircut you want :slight_smile::slight_smile:.
    Hair is my favourite way to mark change (fun).
    I got a "lob"/long bob cut. It's not super gay, but it's less ultra feminine, and lower maintenance.
    It's not so much to attract girls, more to embody the change my life is taking- for me.
     
  9. Really

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    I'd like to have short hair but the last time I did, my hair was still straight and I can't trust it now to behave itself. When I can't stand it any more, I put it in a ponytail and chop most of the length off. My hair is so all over the place, you can't really tell I've done it myself. And it's free! Haha.

    There are a few free apps for iOS where you can try on styles but the only one I've found I like is for straight hair so unfortunately it won't work for me.
     
  10. CapColors

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2015
    Messages:
    898
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    NYC
    My husband has only ever suggested ONE thing about my appearance: he hates it when I have short hair. So long hair it is for me! It's OK: I actually find long hair EASIER to manage than short hair: ponytails and clips are easier than constant cuts and/or blowing the bangs straight.

    I tend to be attracted to both long hair and short hair in both men and women. I like the long hair aristocratic look on dudes and the short hair butch look on women. But I also love a preppy cut on guys and lovely mane on girls.

    My favorite hair is striking hair: I love cool dye jobs or intricate African-American braids, etc. I'm glad beauty standards have become broader in the last half-century, because it leads to cool ass hair.

    I like too many things lol. STORY OF MY LIFE
     
    #10 CapColors, Oct 19, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2015
  11. ebda30

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2015
    Messages:
    198
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I dont think hair is any indicator of sexuality. Ive almost always kept short hair only had it long in between hairatyles or if i was growing ir to donate. Ive never been approached by lesbians hitting on me or anything.

    Apparently i look super gay soooo...cant really say why im not approached. Maybe i look like an asshole.

    I feel fake with long hair and gross, i prefer my hair very short. I dont think i look like a boy tho. But maybe i do, dont know.

    I ccurrently have a mohawk, of sorts. Shaved like a hawk butthe longer part is nearly shoulder length and i almosy never wear it down. Up in a messy bun looking thing
     
    #11 ebda30, Oct 19, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2015
  12. SnowshoeGeek

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2015
    Messages:
    295
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iowa
    Well, I've accumulated several pictures to show my hairdresser tonight, and my guess is that her response is going to be, so you want to go REALLY RED don't you? :eek:

    So we shall see!!!!:grin::roflmao::badgrin:
     
  13. Distant Echo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2015
    Messages:
    462
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    on the verge of somewhere
    Red hair rocks! Lol. I muck around a lot with my hair colour (I'm a dark blonde naturally, except for the damn greys) but I always go back to red. I like some orange in there too, and will end up with a thick streak of black in my fringe. Or purple. Maybe blue?
     
  14. yeehaw

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2015
    Messages:
    209
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oregon
    I think the most important thing about deciding on a haircut is that you feel like yourself in it. I actually think it's not a great idea to pick hair to try to make yourself look gay or not gay, but to stick with what makes you feel "at home" in your own skin. And maybe right now you don't really know what feels like YOU. Thats ok too, and probably pretty common in people who figure out their sexual orientation later in life. So if you go ahead with the cut, I'd just strongly encourage you to pay attention to how it makes YOU feel to live your life in that hair (rather than the effect it has on others). :slight_smile:
     
  15. middleageguy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2015
    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    If you want a more "boyish" cut look at pics online. Go to a barber shop with a picture of a haircut you like.
     
  16. baristajedi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    2,838
    Likes Received:
    828
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Is that your hair cut in your new avi Snowshoe? Super cute!!!
     
  17. Distant Echo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2015
    Messages:
    462
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    on the verge of somewhere
    It suits very well.

    I love that you are comfortable enough with yourself that you post your pic on here. I haven't had my photo taken in years (except for my drivers license)
     
  18. AshleyDi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2015
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Portland
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Can I be 100% honest with you? In my own opinion, a female can dress in all male clothing and sport a nice short hair cut, even a fade, and they still look awesome. Honestly, I can't find any time in my life when I was like, omg, a girl has on a boy outfit. This is because all men's clothing is in reality gender neutral, I'm even talking formal wear, sometimes of she adds a tie, it's still cool. It's a different story when it comes to men though. There isn't much a man can do if he is shopping for girl clothes because none of what is in terms regular everyday girl clothes appears fitting on men. Basically females can shop in any clothing section they want, sport any haircut they want, and i don't think society looks at her in the same way of a male did the same. Disregard social norms, unless I'm just a jerk, non fem males look odd dressed up in girl clothes. Shoot, girls can even put on men's underwear and wouldn't be viewed or thought of, or feel wierd doing it. So my point girl is you shouldn't have a worry in the world if you decid ed to get a short cut. No one would consider you loony. In my case, if I started wearing nice wigs meant for female or came to work on a dress, or had preferences of having women panties instead of men's, well anyone of the above things, I better be ready to feel the social heat. I'm not trying to come off mean, but the fact is that the fashion industry didn't become what is by worrying about the male image so much. Most of what main fashion is designed around begins with a female, and sometimes attempts to cross gender boundaries, but those end up being considered fads, and die out over a short period of time. Or, maybe it's just me, and i just love the freedom a girl has, and appreciate their ability to put on whatever they want. Hopefully in my next life, I won't be cursed again being born a male, shoot, one lifetime as a male is torture enough. Lol. Anyway, hope you like my view on women's fashion.
     
    #18 AshleyDi, Oct 19, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2015
  19. SnowshoeGeek

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2015
    Messages:
    295
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iowa
    LOL yes, Ashley, I do, and I agree. Women are definitely liberated in the clothing department. But there was a time when we weren't. I wonder if someday in the future men will experience a "liberation" in the same way. Hey... it used to be not ok to wear pink right? :slight_smile: I think there may yet be hope. (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 20th Oct 2015 at 01:56 AM ----------

    Yes it is! You can't see the highlights but they're in the "violet" end of the red spectrum. At least, that's the word my hairdresser used!

    "AVI"... you're such a geek. I love it. :thumbsup:

    ---------- Post added 20th Oct 2015 at 01:59 AM ----------

    Thank you! I'll probably just put it as my profile pic, as I once again remember that the avatars don't seem to have privacy preferences, but the profile pictures can be restricted to members. I guess I don't think it likely that someone is going to be deeply perusing the forums here whom I would not want to see my picture... but I'm inherently trusting. And I am fond of selfies. :icon_bigg(!)
     
  20. baristajedi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    2,838
    Likes Received:
    828
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I love it! The color and length and everything :icon_bigg!!

    And I forgot to add geek to my set of labels I've always been happy to have!! Big old geek and nerd if I might add. Maybe I need to bump your thread again :slight_smile: