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Worst Therapy Session Yet

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by AshleyDi, Oct 20, 2015.

  1. AshleyDi

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    I'll be brief, I left the therapy and felt as if I was told to shut my mouth, and go back to pretend world, be responsible, and don't attempt to leave your cage again. Jeesh, roller coaster ride.
     
  2. Distant Echo

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    And you're paying to have this idiot tell you that? Tell them to go f-k themselves.
     
  3. CameOutSwinging

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    What kind of therapist are you working with? That sounds completely awful. I'm so sorry.
     
  4. mellie

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    Umm what? The therapist is supposed to do the opposite--try to encourage you to come out of the cage...
     
  5. bi2me

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    Ewww! I'd find someone else! Why did s/he encourage that?
     
  6. AshleyDi

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    That is what it felt like to me today, he was slapping labels on me like, full of lies, deception, not honest, your body weight is not attractive to your wife, which oh btw, I had to bring her last week, and yes, she is very beautiful, and kind and in a difficult position, like I don't know that already. He is also good at putting words in my mouth and this justified more to accuse me of not being aware of what my is feeling over all this shit. Just for everyone here to know, it was my wife 2 years ago who decided to open this Pandora box when I was drunk, and felt as if she was being supporting by listening. So, that's where this is. Effingham aye

    ---------- Post added 20th Oct 2015 at 03:03 PM ----------

    Thank you all for your support, I'm beginning to maybe feel what real support means.
     
  7. IrishJ

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    I have seen a few therapists through the years. In my twenties, I was working with a therapist focusing on childhood issues and brought up "am I gay?" He rapidly shut me down, here I am almost 30 years later finally working out what I tried to resolve so long ago. I am currently working with a therapist locally who is working with me, completely supportive of my growth, holding me to task.

    There are so many therapists out there, if this one is not working for you and does not support you in your treatment, move on. I found this therapist through a referral from another professional, interviewed her and knew within the first session, I could work with her.

    I believe in therapy, most importantly finding the right therapist for you. I am also grateful for the community here and wish you all the best.
     
  8. AshleyDi

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    Thank you, and i also as a kid tried to bring my concerns to my parents and a therapist they put me to, but close those doors, that is not correct. I don't know if I'm just over reacting to it all and this is all just some tactical way to throw paitents around so they can see your reactions. Igh, idk..
     
  9. Zen fix

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    I've never heard of a treatment method like that. You could get this out in the open with this guy and speak candidly about how you felt after the session. This would be awkward but you're probably going to leave this therapist anyway so it's not like your going to ruin the relationship, he already did. It may be helpful to know what his purpose for behaving that way was.
     
  10. AshleyDi

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    I was going to send him a email and ask about that
     
  11. JustBreath

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    I've had my share of therapy starting at age 10 (not my idea). One thing that is a huge red flag is negativity. It is also poignant that anyone who sits idly by or condones those types of "techniques" stands for it in any way. My heart goes out to you and I humbly suggest you love yourself and move on as quickly as possible.
     
  12. AshleyDi

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    Thanks, that makes sense. This therapy is also not by choice, so for remaining visits, I may just shut down, and let him figure out something to waste 60 min on.
     
  13. Tightrope

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    Yep. That's right. Therapists are people with personalities, values, and sometimes even agendas. If they are negative and don't like you, possibly because of countertransference, it's best to get another therapist.

    This therapist sounds negative. I have a therapist that's working well for me and I leave some sessions highly stressed because the sessions were difficult, either for me, the therapist, or both of us.

    However, this doesn't sound like the situation here. OP, how do you feel about changing therapists and is it possible?
     
  14. Chip

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    OK, I'm going to chime in here. There are a few things that I get on a soapbox about. One is assholes who bareback and trick others into doing it. Another, which makes me equally angry, is incompetent therapists. Arguably the therapists are worse.

    There. Is. No. Circumstance. where a therapist should EVER tell you you are lying, deceiving, or unattractive. There. Is. No. Circumstance. where a therapist should EVER tell you what to do, label you, put words in your mouth, or otherwise exert any sort of control over you. Any of the above actions are so far beyond the ethical scope of practice that the therapist should be formally reported to his licensing board, because this therapist is causing tremendous harm to his clients.

    Now... a really good therapist will, at times, use gentle, thoughtful confrontation if/when a client is resistant to gaining some understanding of something that's going on for him or her. But that's pretty rare, done only when there's a strong bond of trust and a "social contract" that it's OK to do so... and even there, there's a term, coined by a professor of mine, Deborah Senna, for it: "Carefrontation." In other words, caring, supportive confrontation.

    If I were in your shoes, I don't think I'd even attempt to remedy this situation with this therapist. I'd run the other way, as fast as possible. This does not sound like the sort of thing that could be a one-time occurrence where the therapist was having a bad day, because even on his or her worst day, I would not expect that combination of things to be happening.

    I'd be looking for somebody else pronto. I'd also be seriously considering a formal report, as the conduct is really, really egregious. You deserve way better.

    If you decide to take that route, and need help locating someone else, I have a couple of networks of therapists, some of whom I know personally, and some of whom I know second or third-hand. I'd be happy, if you PM me your city, to see if there's anyone I know of near you.
     
  15. AshleyDi

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    I am beginning to ask myself if spending all this money on a therapist is actually doing me good. Right now honestly, even though I know it's not possible, but I'd wish I never had to take this walk down memory lane and tried to make sense of things.

    ---------- Post added 21st Oct 2015 at 03:43 AM ----------



    Thanks Chip and i agree, I use to live by believing in staying away from therapist all together, but I had no choice, and i have to go back 4 more times and done. I think yesterday what he did was he was able to get me to a state of such confusion and self guilt, that he knew that I would end up arguing with my wife because it would be impossible to clarify how my session. Ifk, but I think that either I'm a 38 year old gay in denial, or I'm a 38 yr male who never felt correct in his body, or a 38 yro male that with a combo of the above, and the mental impact marriage has brought upon me. I can't get hetro relationships right because my past and overall experiences I've had with guys were always in the background and forced into the taboo vaults, so any chance of knowing if being emotionally and physically attached to another male is the life I was suppose to be in, and this I think is the reasons why I can't make a female totally content and truly happy with me because they can't make me totally happy and content because my feelings or desires are to them sexuall illness, and all the reasons why I had to all of a sudden atv age 38, wake up and see that my entire life has been discriminated against and shoved inside dusty walls of the mind, just to satisfy others, leaving myself out in the cold, and basically be fake.
    So if in the end, I'm just a gay guy, that would be a new world for me because sex and desire is really all I've had from that side. I'm becoming an emotional drama queen and I'm trying to be honest and fair to my wife at the same time.
     
  16. middleageguy

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    When I came out to my therapist they were smiling and supportive.
     
  17. AshleyDi

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    I wonder if the real issue is what am I afraid of more, facing my wife's pain and suffering or am I afraid that I will have to introduce myself to myself because we don't know each other to well.
     
  18. Shadowsylke

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    This!
     
  19. AshleyDi

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    Right, but I can appreciate I guess them having to be careful as to not putting non-organic thoughts in people's head either.
     
  20. Chip

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    From the perspective of whether you are gay, trans, or something else... what you need it help, support, empathy, and understanding to navigate who you are and what you want. You're getting none of that. Instead, you're getting an incompetent therapist.

    I can't tell you what to do, but there's no way I'd personally go back to even one more session with this guy. It's clear he's actively harmed you, not just been useless. You need someone who can really help you and will understand.

    I wouldn't quit therapy... it's clear you need someone who can help sort these things out. I would, however, absolutely switch to another therapist. And I'd plan on considerably more than 4 more sessions. Again... you deserve to be able to get the help you need.