Do the bad days get less bad?

Bad days will always get better. But it's like a wound - give it time to heal, and avoid things that will cut you open again. You'll become a stronger, better, wiser person in the long run.

 

I also am very up and down since coming out. I think for me, it involves the fact that I only came out at the exact same moment as my best friend, when we realized we were in love with each other and formed our complete relationship. This was 7 months ago, and since then, our relationship has proved to be everything I could have ever dreamed of. We have the most amazing bond and emotional connection, we are 100% open and honest with each other, we communicate amazingly, have so much fun together, talk about anything and everything, and have an amazing physical relationship also. I realize now this is what being in love feels like and ive never felt this way about anyone before. Everything is amazing, except the fact that we are both technically still married, and living with our husbands and kids. We are both trying to do what we can to get along wth the husbands for our kids. But it is so hard to be away from her every night when I so badly want to sleep next to her. I feel like im ok with how things are one minute then Im super sad the next bc we cant just be with the person we love. Its super complicated, sometimes too much for me. But I wouldn't trade the relationship we do have. She is my best friend in the whole world and sooo much more than that. No one else could understand us like we do each other. I try to keep myself going by hoping that someday things will be different. But for now, it is just rough sometimes.

 

For me, they have gotten less bad and less frequent. But I still have them.

I still have days that I despair of being satisfied with my sexuality, when I'm furious at myself (for not KNOWING earlier) and the world (for it not being queer enough to support us). Where I think I'm a terrible wife for wanting a woman too. Where I think I'm a terrible friend for lusting after a friend without her knowledge. Where I think part of me might die if I can't be with a woman. Where I think everyone I know would be better off without me, this imperfect fraud of a person.

But those days are interspersed with days of acceptance and calm. Joy in my current relationships as they are. Hope that the future will hold better things regarding sexual minorities for my children. Work and family and good company. Etc.

My major crisis has blown over for the most part. Coming out to myself and my husband and a few friends has helped me start to move forward.

I think my best advice to you is to treat yourself with respect and compassion, like you would treat a friend who was going through the same thing.

And to know that it will get better but not monotonically (in a straight line). Rather, it will be up and down, and some days will feel like utter backslides. But generally things will move forward if you come to accept who you are and incorporate that truth into your life.

 

Speaking for myself, once able to put the questions of sexuality to rest, and to just embrace all that you are, it frees up soooo much time and energy that can be used on how to better tackle other parts of your life. Its one less thing weighing you down, and probably because of that, it helps the bad days not feel as bad. You're in a better spot to handle life's other stresses because this secret that has gnawed at you is now no longer am issue. Since coming out I find that I have a much stronger desire to take care of myself, I am taking time to do things for me, shopping for better clothes, eating healthier, exercising......I just FINALLY have a reason to really give a damn about myself. I spent so many years trying to be everything to others all while ignoring the part of me telling me that I really want to try being with a guy.
It's wonderful and I am finding that my confidence is increasing some, I am living life for me and not trying to live my life simply to please others.

 

I was having a lot of these feelings too... You aren't alone. We can help make the world a more accepting place for our kids and their friends, and by impacting our small corner of the world, hopefully spread that further. I'm really explicit with my kids (if you choose to date boys or girls or both... If you choose to get married... Etc) on the issue, and they are young enough not to think it's odd yet.

 

I have only just come out , so every thing is new and intensified..
still having bad days i think will happen for me, and I am still self harming from time to time, not as much but its still there. I hope it does get better too...
and it is a roller coaster ride too ..

 

Well, for what its worth, I've done the self harm thing many times over. Several overdoses, over half dozen hospitalizations (one lasting 2 years from ages 15-17), and wrists that 20 years later still bear the scars of a good cutting session. Low and behold those feeling never went away. Self harm is useless and changes nothing.

 

I used to dwell more than I do now. Even now I'm writing this instead of going out to the last sunny day of fall and enjoying it. Dwelling. But dwelling feels good too, if feels like I'm sorting something out in my brain.

Going out to yoga, meditation, reading a book are now escapes which I can sometimes do from time to time between dwelling. I think they help my brain relax.

For a couple months there, I was crying almost every day. Now i'm a little numb, but the worst of it seems to have passed. I hope things get better for you. If you can, try to do an activity you love once a month, then once a week.

 

Yeah, the bad days do get better. You still have them they are just fewer and less severe. When I came out as a gay man it opened up a whole new aspect of my life to honesty. I was able to really be myself for the first time and the combined experience both the good and bad parts gave me a much more realistic and balanced perspective on myself, the world and my place in it. It's really hard to be positive about yourself when you know you're hiding something, and the more positive you feel about yourself the more good days you have

 

Yes, the bad days do get better. Or at least fewer in number. I've found that the more you accept yourself and live the way that you need to live, the better it all gets. It's a process, but it DOES get better.

 

Sure hope so. Still trying to determine.

 

Thank you, honey. I will definitely try and focus on the future generations when I get down.

HUGS

 

why is it that when I tell some people about what I'm going thru
they just say " Don't let it get to you" or " its all in your head! "
like so your telling me something I don't know??

I'm not game enough to tell them about self harm, they just wouldn't
get it either.. or my other darn problems right now...

 

I always hated when trying to talk to someone when I was younger (not about sexuality, but other stuff) they would seem annoyed cuz they said how I repeat myself. And I just would think "yeah I bug you for a little while, yet I deal with this shit 24/7."

 

I'm still on the roller-coaster too OP, but I am getting more confident as time goes on. Maybe on the next drop I might even stop white-knuckling the rail, throw my arms in the air and scream "wheee!"