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I got hit on

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Sorrel, Oct 28, 2015.

  1. Sorrel

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    Tonight, near the stage at a concert venue, I was standing with my phone in my hand reading on EC, and a guy comes up to me. He looks me up and down, says that he'd like to talk to me, and to let him know if I'd rather be left alone. I try to recognize his face, thinking it's someone I know but it's not. So I'm like "okay, sure". He starts to talk about something which seems to be completely unimportant, because there's a kind of magnetism and warmth emanating from his face that totally captures my attention. In a "deer caught in headlights" kind of way. Why do I get the sense his face is closer than it actually is? It's like it's sucking me in. I tense up and try to back away mentally, feeling like an ice popsicle. Umm. He's hitting on me right? Should I stop him?

    I actually seriously would be interested in a normal conversation. People are nice. But there seems to be something else going on here. Can he read my mind? No. Umm. A few times now in my head, I've amused myself by imagining a scene in which a guy hits on me, and I answer him with, "sorry... I don't date men." But all I want to do now is blush! I feel like an older version of myself, insecure and tense.

    So instead I allow awkward silences into the conversation. And I'm being polite, asking him a few questions to get a sense of who he is, but for each I'm wondering: doesn't this encourage him more? The general feeling is discomfort, a stiffness, I feel a little desperate, defending my space or some such thing. I'm reminded of who I was when I was still expecting to meet a man, expecting myself to like it, like the idea, the process of it. Hard to explain, but it feels like I'm stuck between realities. And this guy doesn't have a clue what I'm thinking.

    Anyway the show was great. I don't often go out so I'm not used to this kind of thing happening, especially not while I'm surfing on EC. Ha...
     
  2. Shadowsylke

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    So, I'm not sure I understand...we're you attracted to him, or were you feeling uncomfortable because you didn't know how to extricate yourself from the conversation?
     
  3. Sorrel

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    Sorry, this was such an aimless post. I wasn't attracted to him, but it made me reflect on my behaviour toward men, especially if they hit on me. It's confusing as well. They so clearly want something from me and I never learned how to say no.
     
  4. SnowshoeGeek

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    Something I completely relate to... probably why I have lately chosen to have zero presence in any venue or place where I might meet men. Trying to make that entire scenario disappear while I ponder who/what I am.

    Sometimes I ask myself, is the only reason I have slept with men because I felt like I had to, in order to keep them around?

    Honestly it is such a huge question I expect it to take me a very long time to figure out.

    Thank you for your post - it resonated. :thumbsup:
     
  5. Sorrel

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    That's wise, SnowshoeGeek! You know, I once took a meditation course where the men and women lived separatedly. It was great! Men and women spent only the last day together, and when I was reintroduced to the men I was like, "who are these large and loud creatures?"

    Thanks, you made my day :slight_smile: I feel a bit silly sometimes when I post. Thanks also for the reminder that this is a journey, a life-long one actually.
     
  6. TeaTree

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    Hey Sorrel, I just wanted to tell you that your post didn't seem aimless. I really like your writing style, I like how you manage to catch all those details, and describe a situation, a series of emotions, a thought process, the slippery moments which are so difficult to put in words. :slight_smile:
     
  7. High Art

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    I get it. Thanks for the post :slight_smile:
     
  8. SnowshoeGeek

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    Why thank you! And this made my day as well. :slight_smile:

    Sometimes I feel like my mind is in this complete beginner state, no knowledge, no concepts, just wordless reactions and mental images without definitions. Trying to dig into my earliest memories, trying to assess the first time I tried to mold myself into something I was not, to try to fit in. Impossible probably but still what my mind is mostly occupied with these days... you helped. (*hug*)
     
  9. Sorrel

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    Aaww thanks everyone :slight_smile: Such sweet and beautiful people you are! The best company (*hug*)(&&&)

    And wow, yes... isn't it cool how reading other people's posts here helps, for me it's like it's helping me feel shapes, sense nuances, things for which there are no words, but there are contours... like the secret content of the black box you mentioned in another thread TeaTree! It can sometimes be like digging up gold... sometimes I dig up pain and sorrow and grief... sometimes electricity...