Hi. I am a 40 year old guy who was in a hetro marriage for about 8 years and been divorced for about 4 years, nothing to do with my sexuality. Am thinking about talking to a colleague at work, who is gay herself, to say I am questioning my sexuality and thinking I might be bi-sexual, but not sure if it is a good idea. Not sure if she would keep it to herself and if she has a loose tongue when she is drunk etc. Wouldn't say I am friends with her, just work colleagues. Any ideas gratefully received Jamie xx
If you have doubts about trust, don't do it. You have this forum, it is a safe place that offers lots of support. Perhaps you could also find someone else, like a friend or family member. Even coming out about being questioning can be a huge step toward on your journey. Welcome to EC.
Yeah, I would say to do it, but only if you trust this person, or if you don't mind it getting out at work. Not knowing anything about your job, I don't know if that would be a problem for you or not. Overall, I think it's good to have people (real life people as well as us forum folks) to talk to and bond with...I just have no idea if this person is a good option or not, as I don't know her or you at all. But I think your instinct to find someone to talk to is a good one, if that helps...!
Definitely find someone, but my advice is that work friends are tricky. Assume it will get around if you tell anyone at work.
I would not recommend telling at work, maybe with time you find a person outside work to share this info with.
Having LBGT friends in real life is a very strong source of support, so I would encourage you to establish such friendships to supplement EC. If the gay colleague is more of an acquaintance than friend, I would agree that approaching her is risky. You'll need to assess the worst case scenario if she betrays your confidence and other people learn that you may not be straight. Given that you are no longer married, this may be less of an impact unless you work in a homophobic environment. Only you can weigh the risks in your situation. Perhaps a strategy of befriending her first might mitigate the risk. HTH
In addition to all that good stuff above, don't assume that, just because she's gay as well, she is will automatically be the most supportive person in the whole world. Don't make that the first and utmost criteria to pick who you talk to about your questioning.
Well I have only gone and done it ! And in front of another colleague as well ! Started off by talking about the "1st dates restaurant" programme from last night where there were two ladies having their first date together and somehow managed to turn the conversation round to how I was actually questioning my own attractions and if my colleague thought bi sexual was a valid identity as I do find myself attracted to both men and women. She then admitted that before she got to know me she actually thought I was gay by the sound of my voice on the phone. Didn't really have to much of a conversation but she ended up giving me a hug saying "when the time is right it will be obvious" Sort of feel this is a sort of coming out, don't know if people agree? Not sure I am going to take it much further than this at the moment but I do feel a bit "free" after having this conversation with a "real" person rather than just with all my lovely friends on here. Feel free to reply Jamie xx :eusa_clap:eusa_clap:icon_bigg:icon_bigg
Well done! With work acquaintances, it is often far easier as there are no emotional impediments, it is also excellent practice for when you have to do it with those closer to you. Enjoy that feeling, it gets better!
Years ago (1990?) I was sort of outed when I filed a formal complaint about someone at work (let's just say this was a company in the DOW 30). In a different part of the large building where I worked someone had a highly offensive poster in his cubicle regarding AIDS and gays. Of course word got out and while I was closeted and married rumors still spread. Move forward a few years and I ended up working for a manager who was friends with one of the a$$holes from 1990. The manager was homophobic and made life very difficult for me. I won't go into the details. Although corporate culture has changed and it wouldn't be too much of an issue now, it was then. Moral of the story: Don't tell anyone at work or do anything at work that would out you if you don't want the word to get out, because chances are it will get out.
