Struggles

I put this in the General forum, but think it might be more for here since it's one of those later in life struggles:

Alright, first -- and I feel like people struggle with this all the time upon being freshly out to themselves, but I'm still having a problem with knowing exactly what my sexuality is, and how I present it.

To recap, a little over a year ago, I fell for a girl super hard, and sort of haven't looked back from girls since. I'm mid-twenties, and it frustrates me to no end that I can't really say what I am. I've always been into guys/in long term relationships with guys. I feel like I can say I'm bi, but then I backpedal on that because, even though I would have done way too much to be with this one girl, I haven't had sex with a female in a passionate way. I have in an experimental way, without much feeling, but not in the sense that I wanted them, and wanted to please them. But thinking about having sex with her made me craaazy (in a good way). I really feel like I am definitely attracted to girls, and thinking about being in a relationship with one makes me happy in someway. I don't know if it's a bad girl thing, though, if that makes sense. Like, there's something to me that seems sexy about being a lesbian -- not in a, society loves lesbians type of way, but in an, it fits my style way -- does that make any sense? Is that me trying to be something I'm not, or romanticizing, or me feeling sexy about it because it's who I am and makes me feel good and right? ...or is it me trying to chase the feeling I had with her?

Another thing I struggle with is telling people. And I know I should just tell people when I'm good and ready and know, but part of me feels like I do know. Yet a part of me feels like there's no way I can know if I'm really into women until I'm with one, but it's just not happening. And a big part of that not happening might be because I'm too afraid to put myself out there. I always get freaked out thinking that if I go on a lesbian dating site, someone might see me. Which obviously would mean they're gay (or stalking lesbian sites?) too, but still. And I won't go to any groups or anything because a part of me feels like that's not my thing, but I totally need some friends who are also gay, or something. I'm femme, so no one readily thinks I might be into girls. In fact, if I am a total lesbian (which seems like a definite possibility to me), I think many people will be very surprised. Only my friends and mom know, and the girl I liked, because I did that stupid thing that people do when they really like someone: told her. Yes, she is queer. I just feel like I'm never going to meet anyone, and I'm so ready to. It scares me, and i feel like I'd want to hide it at first, but I feel really ready. Gaah -- I know this is a lot of whining but I'm just so frustrated.