Just read a post by BaristaJedi that has resonated a life time of fear based decisions. Adopted at birth, 40+ years of abandonment issues. Sexual abuse survivor, molested by both genders pre-puberty. Kept this in until my twenties, horrible therapy experience at the time. Fell deeply in love and married a woman who lived as a lesbian for a few years, figured that this would be a safe partner for me to raise a family with and grow old together. 20 years later I find myself with a good therapist, making progress towards my long hidden sexual identity and codependent/fear based behavior that has kept me quiet all these years. As I am growing stronger, my wife desires things to stay the same. I cannot share with her what I am experiencing due to her narcissism which would just lengthen the eventual process of our separation/divorce. My sexuality is not the cause of our problems and my coming out feels so less traumatic than the drama I face daily in this marriage. When I read other posts and ask myself what are people so afraid of, then looking at my own situation bringing our the realization from which my actions are based. I am 50 years old, I no longer want to live with the fear created from childhood trauma. I am a man, it is time for me to start acting like one and not like the hurt child. Hugs to all.
Irish, You are fighting the good fight. Everyday you face your fear and soon you will come to a place where you feel you've come out on top. But even before that the journey, the whole process is a part of you being strong and courageous. So many hugs to you (*hug*) It may not feel like it but you are being brave every day. My therapist told me that we all come out (not iust in terms of sexuality, but face any of our fears) in the time we need to. We need to respect our internal need for remaining in what feels like a safe place no matter how long it's taken us. I think on some level we all know the right time to face the pain and anguish head on. Take all the time you need to think and when you've gathered your courage and you're ready to move on, you'll know.
What I've come to accept is the past is the past. I to was abused as a child which along with being bullied and overweight, living in a Northeast Catholic family lead me to the closet. Last year I had a Stroke. Thankfully no issues as far as the stoke. Did give me the impetuous to reconcile my life and I Came Out. Since Coming Out I've been living MY LIFE. Enjoy today. We're not guaranteed tomorrow.
IrishJ. Great post. Plenty of facts, well condensed, little to no rambling. Sir, you need to add another sexual abuse to your list. It's pretty prevalent for people past their mid 40s. It's the abuse of having their true sexuality suppressed / condemned when young. I've actually read about this type of abuse, I think in www.psychologytoday.com The logic part of your brain is saying one thing, the primal fear part of your brain is telling you another. I've actually called this "brain war". I have the same situation. I would just love to reboot my neurons, purge all sexual fear and start over. If you hear or figure out how to do this, please, please let me know. I have a coffee shop friend. Lets call him John for John Doe. He was abused as a kid. He talks favorably about having the "right therapist" to move past this abuse. Write on my wall if you need someone to interact with. Later ---------- Post added 29th Oct 2015 at 09:39 AM ---------- 50ishandout. May I take the liberty to suggest walking 3 to 5 times a week, ~30 minutes each time. Yes check with your doctor. And meditate. Join a meditation group. These two activities help with stress which helps with health issues. Later
So true. We do need to be reminded that we really only get today...tomorrow is never guaranteed. So we need to be true to ourselves and go for our happiness now. We can't let fear rule us. You are doing what you need to do. Hugs, IrishJ!!
