What is the best advice when you don't have any gay role models? I'm guessing it's a very lucky person who has gay role models. I know that I don't. No LGBT center around, no gay community, nothing like that. The nearest city is hours away, so I can't just drop by and be with "my people." What I'm looking for is a way of measuring my development. All I've got here are straight people (who at my age are largely married at least once and have kids), and I know that comparing myself to them isn't right or fair. Any advice?
Hang in there. By and large I would recommend hanging out online in several LGBT forums. You can use the chat rooms and communicate with people that way. There is the library if you have one and you can always order books online. BTW, there is NO one 'right' way to be gay. There is no development model to go. There is a Steps of Coming Out you can find if you Google it. You can meet 1000 different gay people and all their journeys will be totally different. Some of us have kids like I do, others no kids. Some have been married before, others, not so much. Some of us realized early and came out late, others never formally came out and still others came out young and stayed out. Some of us dated the opposite sex first, or changed our labels 2 or 3 times. I really wish I could be of more help, but if you want to chat or ask questions, PM me. i have been out about 15 or 16 years now.
Do you know (or can you meet) any people who are otherwise unconventional? Artists, writers, colorful characters? While I have never had a lesbian role model (or not for decades anyway) I do have friends who are exceptionally independent and iconoclastic. I find it easier to be myself with those who already seem unconcerned with how others view them... honestly in a lot of ways such people have achieved something I am still working toward.
Yeah, I can't say I really had any gay role models either. I grew up in a very straight and conservative environment, and it made coming to terms with my sexuality more difficult than it needed to be. I didn't have this forum then, and I wish I did! I think forums like this can be very helpful, especially if you don't have any resources where you live. And Lipstick is right...there is no "users manual" for being lgbt...everyone's journey is different, so don't worry too much about comparing yourself to anyone else.
When you say "measuring your development" I wonder what that means to you and why it's important to you. When I think about the most important development to me, it is my ability to be genuine, even if i'm scared or feel that Being me is going to lead to a difference with someone or being judged. The more intimate I am with someone the more challenging this can be but also the more rewarding. Every one has that fear. The most "developed" people I know have that fear in some way, they just know how to manage it, or not give it attention. I think that's were freedom and happiness come from. The ability to choose what you want to create and create it, no matter how you are feeling about it.
