My apologies but I do need to vent before I say or do anything inappropriate in front of my colleagues. My husband and I work together, and lately I have been feeling so distant from him especially intimately. I am frustrated with my self for feeling this way but also with him for denying me the one thing that I know I want to explore more. He closed the relationship on me as quickly as he opened it using emotional abuse as one of the tools. Now he have improved quite a bit and for that I am grateful. But now he seems to be taking over my work area, and making it difficult for me to deal with. I have mentioned this to him but he just shrugged it off and continued to joke in a way. He is driving me insane, and I know this is a consequence I am going to face when I decided to fight for my marriage and to stay in this relationship. I am getting tired of his 'suggestions' as to how I take on my day, and now making it public in my classroom. I know I am as much to blame for the disagreements and frustrations we face, but I just want him to give me space and let me do my job. He seems to have a hard time seeing the boundaries I set and feels it is his right to step over them constantly and I should be ok with it. But when it comes to his boundaries, he makes it known publicly that I stepped over them. Oh my goodness, I just need a break from his insecurities and sometimes I think his insanity. Blegh I wish I was able to run into the arms of a woman for comfort and to feel safe. Not being able to feel safe for long periods of time has its tolls and I think I am about to have a break down soon. . . blegh
Phew! That's a hard position to be in. Not only are you frustrated at home, you're frustrated at work... and with the same person! You can't even get away from him! Your husband may be making it hard for you at work on an unconscious level. It seems like he's not entirely sure that he wants an open marriage, and that's a very uncomfortable place to be in when you love your spouse but don't have the same wants or needs as them. It might be that he's making you uncomfortable at work to "balance" things without even knowing he's doing it. Relax, take a breath, and let some of the little things go. Stressing about it will only work you up more, and you can't really have the full conversation at work unfortunately! As a friend of mine always simply says, "WhooooSah."
How do you relate to each other on the org chart at work? If he isn't your supervisor, I would remind him of this and tell him at work you are coworkers and you expect to be treated the same as any other coworker - no extra intrusion into your work, etc. If he is your supervisor, is there a way to request you report to someone else because of a possible conflict of interest?
Yes can you? I'd imagine it would be difficult to work with a spouse, even in the best of circumstances. And if he's micromanaging your job...that's just messed up and would lead to a lot of extra stress. You need to find a way to tell him to back off. Maybe do it politely, like, cook him his favorite meal and when he's in a good mood say, "We need to talk..." Or maybe just yell at him...I don't know the answer...
Thank you all. We are in a small isolated community and unfortunately it is difficult to change jobs. . . unless I am willing to change my career, in which case I don't. I will kindly remind him that we both have schedules to follow and that I don't need his assistance - we work at the high school where I teach and he is a teacher's aid. I will work on building a professional relationship with him, where I treat him the same way I treat my coworkers. It never really settled with him the fact that I am the bread winner of my household, and I know that insecurity has brought up a lot of the issues we have.