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25 y/o male working towards coming out

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by p190, Nov 10, 2015.

  1. p190

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    Hi all, I wanted to share my story here, as I've been reading countless stories on this site on and off for the past year and have found much of it incredibly comforting and relatable. This is my first post (and possibly my last), but just wanted to share a little in the hope that anyone else who has been struggling might relate and find some peace. And of course, if anyone has kind words of encouragement or support to offer, I won't turn it away. It's been a really, really tough year in realizing that I'm gay and starting the coming out process. It's a long read, so anyone who makes it through, thank you, and I hope it helps.

    My life has been exceptionally normal in so many ways. I grew up in the suburbs of a midwest city, had a loving family and good friends all throughout grade school and high school, played sports, made good grades, discovered a love for music, all that good stuff. Towards the end of my senior year of high school, I started hanging around a girl who I had a crush on. We spent the much of that summer together, then both went off to college in separate cities. I asked her out shortly after going away for college, she said yep, we arranged to see each other and made out / cuddled in same bed, but that was the extent of any physical relationship before she broke up with me a month or so later. I was pretty crushed and had loved her - she was one of the only people who I thought really understood me and was for a time my closest friend. After she broke up with me, I felt truly alone, had very few friends, was away at college for the first time, and just really depressed about all of it. I had another really awful sexual experience with two girls after the breakup - simply out of feeling like I "should" do something sexual, since I never had before. It ended badly, and that compounded with my loneliness at this new school made me pack up and leave that shitty environment. I transferred to another college, focused on school and building a career i wanted, lived with my best friends, and generally had a good time and was pretty happy. Never really hooked up with anyone or dated, except for 1 girl who liked me a lot, she slept over once, and we kissed awkwardly in bed. We hung out, kinda casually went on a few dates, and then college was over.

    After school, I moved out of the midwest and to New York, the city where I always wanted to be, landed a dream job, and have been doing great professionally. To many of my friends and family back home, I've been living the dream and accomplishing all of my goals. Except for this one big thing that only clicked with me pretty recently...


    Realizing I was gay at 24 years old
    It was the simplest thing made me start questioning - I was riding in the car with my older cousin and her boyfriend, coming home from a trip to the store. I looked at them and thought how simple and nice it must be to be in a relationship with someone and do this mundane, everyday task of going to the store together. I really asked myself for the first time why I don't have that in my life with a girl. And the answer was, "Shit, I think I might be gay." Now I had never thought much about sexuality or sex or dating before - it was never a priority, I never cared about hooking up or having sex, was never interested, and just kinda assumed I was asexual, because that's what others kinda projected on me. I've always been pretty fiercely independent, intelligent, introverted, and creative, and so many things other than sex or relationships were fulfilling to me and took priority in my life. I also don't fit any conventional gay stereotypes, so I think that also kept me from ever questioning my sexuality (which proves the negative impact any stereotype can have...) I can certainly pass as straight, and girls pretty frequently flirt with me and even ask me on dates. But after really taking some time to consider my sexuality, who I find physically attractive, who I might want to connect with emotionally and romantically, I've realized its guys and not girls.


    Sex - or lack there of - and insecurities around that
    A tricky subject for me, and something that has kept me closeted. But I've pinpointed my lack of sexual experience as one of my major points of anxiety and a reason I've been avoiding a lot of social situations recently. I don't talk about sex or dating or attraction or hook-ups with my friends, ever. If these topics come up, I get extremely anxious and try to steer the conversation away and change the subject. This anxiety in has intensified recently. And people who have known me the longest don't really ask me about it. Like people assume I'm asexual, or gay, or just not hooking up, and that it's kinda my "off-limits" topic of conversation.

    One of my fears in coming out is that friends might ask me if I had slept with women, or if I had hooked up with guys before. The long and short of it is no. And truth be told, I'm just not comfortable with disclosing that info to anyone at the moment, except for my therapist and any future partners or boyfriends (oh, and the EC community. thanks guys.). It's a weird thing, but the process of coming out is intense enough that I don't really want or need the stigmas of "virginity" attached on top of that. I don't want the pressure from anyone to "get me laid" or to go hookup with a guy, or weird looks/pity for not hooking up or being sexually active.

    I don't know if anyone can relate to social anxiety around the subject of sex... But if so, my therapist gave me some advice that I found to be both empowering and obvious. And that is - someone's sex life is no one else's business. Despite what seems like the norm of "giving all the details", there's no obligation to disclose sexual experiences or history to your friends or family or anyone who asks. If anyone here is feeling insecure about their sex life or experiences, it's totally ok to tell someone who asks that it's really not their business or that you'd prefer not to get into it, or even a vague answer or white lie that you've had some experience but just don't like to get into the details of who/what/how many times. And that may sound prude or uptight or whatever, but it's given me a sense of comfort and security. Personally, I'm just not ready to get into details of my sex life (and lack there of) with even my closest friends, and that's ok. You don't have to "come out" as sexually inexperienced to anyone in the way that you should come out if you're gay. People can assume whatever they want, but any real friend will totally respect and understand that sex can be a personal subject matter to some. Especially in the process of coming out. They should still love ya anyway, even if you aren't ready to talk about your sex life.

    How being closeted has effected me
    Since I didn't put the pieces together that I was gay until recently, I can say that I've been in the closet for just a little over a year, and in a word, the year has been been...intense. Intense anxiety and depression that has only seemed to get worse, sleeping a lot, eating a lot, isolation and avoidance of social situations, ignoring invites to go out and texts and calls from friends, insecurity, shame, embarrassment, questions of "why now? how could I not know this earlier?", and lots of other nasty thoughts and emotions. My sexuality is all that I think about and worry about right now. It consumes 99% of my thoughts and energy. I can't focus at work or in social situations and I don't feel motivated to do anything at all because of the biggest little thing that is my sexuality that's hanging over me. It's been hugely stressful and unpleasant to go through, and my life and happiness are suffering greatly because of it. New friends and co-workers and have also made comments to me like "Oh we think you're great, but we don't know anything about you!" or "You're such a private person" Comments like these really sting, and they make me sad, because they're true. It crushes me that people are wanting to connect with me, but that I only push them away and keep them at a comfortable distance. And that I've perfected that art over the last few years, of not getting too close to anyone. It's a bad place to be, and I don't want my life to continue in this way.


    Coming out to my therapist
    About 6 months ago, I started browsing Psychology Today's Therapist Finder to look for an LGBT-affirmative counselor. (It's an amazing resource if anyone is looking to find a therapist) It took me 6 more months to actually get up the nerve to make an appointment. I found someone who specializes in helping people through the coming out process, and we've met about 5 times over the last few weeks. I've spilled everything to him, and he has been more than understanding and helpful. Therapy can be intense, I've cried a lot during the sessions, but right now, therapy and talking with him is one of the few things I look forward to each week.


    Next Steps
    I'm still not at the point of feeling ready to come out to friends or family, which in itself is frustrating. It's hard for me to admit to anyone that I struggle with something or that I'm unhappy, yet alone that I'm struggling with something as personal as my sexual identity. But I know the first people who deserve to know are my parents. They know I've been having a rough time, that something has been bothering me the past few months, and I opened up to let them know I was seeking help with a psychologist to get better. I have a feeling they assume I'm gay or kinda know what's up, and luckily, I think they'll be more than OK with that fact and be supportive. But it's still really, really tough. My emotions are all over the place, and just when I think I'm OK with coming out, and sit with that fact for a little bit, I'll get bad anxiety or doubts again and just want it to not be true. Again, good advice from my therapist to manage these feelings - coming out doesn't all have to be at once. I could tell my parents and lean on them for support as I work through this, and then maybe start telling friends a few months later. Then extended family or co-workers after that. It can be a "quiet" coming out process, getting support first from those who are closest to you.

    It's a process learning to be vulnerable and trusting about something that is intensely personal. And, it's learning to not care what other people think, to just live your life your own way, at your own pace, and to find ways to keep moving forward and to better yourself. I think it'll all be OK eventually, even though at the moment things still feels near impossible. I look forward to the day when I can take pride in being gay - I've had fleeting moments of clarity about being out and proud and an example of breaking down stereotypes of what others may perceive to be "gay". Those tiny, tiny moments of pride give me some hope. That I can vaguely see light at the end of a long dark tunnel. Thanks for reading, and I wish you all the best, you'll be just fine.
     
  2. Really

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    Hey p190!

    Guess what? You'll be fine, too. Welcome to EC.

    I just wanted to say that the broad strokes of your story spookily match mine. But I'm female and older than you and I'm not kidding. Just a few of the details need to be changed. I even wrote in my first post that it would probably be my only one, too. And I'm still here.

    There are lots of nice people here and even if you think you're mostly fine, you'll find that spending time here, reading and posting, will make you feel even better and more comfortable with this whole process.

    You sound like you're making progress with your therapist so maybe you should hang around and offer advice, as well. :slight_smile:

    Anyway, nice post!
     
  3. CameOutSwinging

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    Great post indeed!

    Finding an LBGTQ-friendly therapist here in NYC was essential to starting my journey. I still have a long way to go, but I feel like I'll get there with help from my amazing therapist.
     
  4. CapColors

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    Nice job with this post, and kudos on coming out to yourself!

    It seems like you are well on your way. Believe it or not, you are still young! And with no marriage or kids to worry about and a loving family and a good job and living in NYC, you're going to be just fine. That's basically the best case scenario for coming out, even if you are a little later than you'd ideally have liked.

    I know it seems intense as hell and depressing and scary, but it's gonna be much better at the end of it.

    Congrats and welcome.
     
  5. greatwhale

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    Hey p190, welcome to EC!

    I hope that this will not be your one and only post, it is a pleasure to see such a well-written analysis of your current situation, it is instructive to many of us here and we will most certainly like to know more as your adventure of self-discovery progresses.

    Self-knowledge is the most difficult thing any one of us can accomplish, you are well on your way and I wish you the best of luck!
     
  6. zuice

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    At any age, one shouldn't let anything consume oneself, for 99% of the time. Unless, you are baby Mozart and baby Beethoven, thinking about a career choice. Anyway, lighten up. The next time you see your therapist, tell him to lighten up and smile because you are okay and the treatment is working. Jason Mraz has a cute song, that wlecomes the peace of the day, "Hello, You Beautiful Thing". It's on you tube. Every day leads one home to a dream. Another song that offers daily hope is Diana Ross' "Every Day is a New Day".

    If anyone questions your sexuality, talk about weather. a gender neutral hobby, or sports. Be really focused on your sports topic. the weather or a gender neutral hobby.When you are asked what are your plans, talk about sports tickets and future vacation deals. If one asks who are you going with, just say I can only afford myself at this point in time. When I am bored with someone talking and asking me about personal things, I say out loud, "Why am I having this conversation." The message will become clear.
     
    #6 zuice, Nov 11, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2015
  7. p190

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    Thanks everyone for your replies and for taking some time to read. My little update is...I came out to my dad tonight, which was totally unplanned. He was in town visiting and could just tell something was and has been eating me alive. He was getting emotional, saying how worried he's been, and just begging to open up a little bit. So I eventually let it out, it was all pretty intense, but he took it very very well and was nothing but supportive. I still feel like I have a lot of hang-ups in terms of coming out to friends, and a lot more i need to get through in therapy, but hopefully will get closer to telling friends in the coming months
     
  8. 50ishandout

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    P190, the one person that I am unable to Come Out to is my father since he passed 15 years ago. Just today I had a conversation with a friend who's uncle worked for my dad. She agreed that my dad although he wouldn't be doing hand stands would love and support me. I know all he ever wanted was for me to be happy. I just wish he were here to help me through the Coming Out process.

    I hope your dad will love you for who you are, not what he wants you to be.
     
  9. zuice

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    Introduce yourself again to the happiness within yourself that has brought you to where you are today. Thank your dad for being kind and loving towards you. It is not easy to welcome the unknown. Sometimes, kindness is never thanked. I hope your journey inspires others. Already, the loving support of your dad has inspired you, to post again. Welcome to the journey of awakening to the truth within oneself.
     
    #9 zuice, Nov 13, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2015
  10. Antinous

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    Hi P190,

    Thanks for such a wonderful first post. I relate to much of the struggle you describe, but am very hopeful that you're making such positive progress.

    Congrats on coming out to your dad. I've very happy for you that he is so supportive and caring.

    I look forward to reading your updates as you continue to realize yourself and open up to others. Your story is inspiring and I wish you all the best.
     
  11. Ditz

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    Whom ever steals your heart one day is going to be one lucky guy!!!

    I'm glad to hear that you told your dad, and even though it's hard for both of you it's a start from where things become better, at least you don't have to hide whom you are anymore from the people who are closest to you.

    Friends I find aren't that phased when they find out the truth about your sexuality... They're your friends because of your personality and the kind of person that you are and not the sexuality you have... Also, they normally don't really ask about your sex life unless it's a bragging contest which is something that happens when you're a teenager, so don't let that worry you. If someone asks, just smile at them and tell them curiosity killed the cat and leave it at that.
     
  12. p190

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    Thanks again for the replies and support. I'm still checking this site regularly and reading up on others experiences. It definitely helps. That said, I know I still need to work through some insecurities with my therapist and need some more time before coming out to friends and extended family. I wanted to put some pretty personal stuff out there in this post, as these are the things that I think are really keeping me closeted at this point. Sorry for the long read, but maybe folks can either relate or offer advice.

    Coming Out as Queer instead of Gay?
    I think I mentioned it in my first post, but for a long time, I thought I was asexual. I still to some extent feel that way to be honest, but it could also be a result of my low sex drive. I'm conflicted at times in this coming out process, because I know I strongly crave the non-sexual parts of a being in a relationship, and have felt that I could experience that with women or with men. More strongly with women, actually. And it sometimes feels natural and comforting to think of a relationship without sex and just but with other forms of intimacy. On the other hand, I know that I find men attractive sexually, but sometimes think that emotional connection would be harder to feel with a guy. I'd totally be open to identifying as gay if after some dating and sexual experiences that is what I found to be true. But I've been thinking if I should come out as "queer" to friends at first, explaining that "gay" would probably be the closest thing to what I am, but that it's a bit more complicated than that.

    Un-learning a weird masturbation technique
    For some reason, I learned how to masturbate by rubbing myself between my legs/thighs instead of using the typical up and down hand motion. I've been really really anxious about this lately, because I don't think I'd be able to get off from oral sex or a hand job with a partner. So I'm going to hold off on masturbating for a week and try it the normal way and see if I can retrain myself I guess to be more compatible when it comes time for sex. It's just really frustrating though, the fact that I don't feel at all confident of even being in a sexual relationship right now because I don't even know if I can orgasm in a normal way.

    I Don't Fantasize About Anal Sex
    When I think of being with a guy, the things that turn me on are mutual masturbation, oral sex, humping/grinding, etc. But anal sex isn't something that I think really appeals to me. And it really has nothing to do with any "stigmas" associated with it or internalized homophobia or anything. Just sometimes it gives me really bad anxiety that anal sex may not be my thing, and that it's just another reason that would make dating / finding a relationship or even hooking up difficult and awkward. At the same time, I thought it might be good to uh, explore that area in my alone time to see if it does anything at all for me. So it's something I never thought I'd do, but I actually ordered some small anal toys and lube online the other day (honestly can't believe I'm typing that right now) to just see what it's like. I want to be open to it I guess, but not feel like I'm obligated to "learn" to enjoy anal or something.

    I'd be really curious to know if anyone who isn't so much into anal sex or who doesn't desire anal sex has had trouble with dating or sex or relationships because of it?


    Low Sex Drive
    I know that anxiety and depression (both of which I have right now given the whole sexuality thing), as well as being slightly overweight, which I am, can really kill libido. But it's been frustrating, and another reason I don't even feel like I could be sexually active right now if I wanted to experiment or start dating or even exploring fantasies/masturbation more. I've been thinking about talking to a doctor to see if I actually do have low testosterone levels and if anything could be done to boost libido while going through the coming out process. I think having a stronger sex drive might motivate me more to come out / feel more confident in myself.

    Dating Insecurities
    Just looking forward a bit here...but when it comes time to start dating, I think I'd be most comfortable starting with a reputable online dating site to test the waters. But I have a lot of fears in even thinking of starting that. Like telling a future date that I only recently came out, that I've never really been in any kind of relationship before, and if it got that far, that I'm sexually inexperienced/haven't been with guys before, haven't kissed a guy before, that I'm more emotionally/romantically driven than sex driven, and that anal sex may not really be my thing. At times, it just feels like there are so so so many layers that are going against me and that finding someone compatible would be really, really difficult. I also have a fear built up that if I was intimate with a guy for the first time, he might go around telling his friends or something that he took a 25-year olds virginity. I'd be pretty embarrassed if that word got around to his friends or mine. Like, I think as I get more comfortable with my sexuality and sex, it'll be a topic I don't shy away from as much, but at least in the beginning, I can definitely see myself wanting to keep any future sex life private between a partner and myself. And I struggle with that trust factor a lot / finding someone who could understand that without thinking I'm too uptight or whatever. Which maybe I am, I don't know.

    I suppose I'll end on a positive note and say that I signed up for a coming out group that will probably start in the next few weeks. My therapist has also told me he's considering starting one himself, because so many people he sees are going through very similar issues. So again, being able to relate and know there are others out there working though this stuff helps, and I do appreciate being able to read others stories here.
     
  13. CapColors

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    I actually think you sound like you are working through your issues in a solid, systematic kind of way. Kudos for you for being in touch with yourself.

    I think the coming out group and the dating site are both great, natural next steps for you. I guess I'd say also to see if you can manage your anxiety and depression even better so you can feel more confident (meds, CBT etc.). But you seem about ready to jump in anyway, so maybe just having a few positive experiences will be enough to quell the anxiety anyway.

    I wouldn't worry too much about your sex drive abstracted from someone to have sex with. Because a low sex drive can be a complex, contextual thing, and ALSO, it only matters if it's low compared to the other person. So, like, find some people, make some connections, and then worry about it if it's still an issue?

    As for anal sex...can't help you there precisely, but my guess is it's one of those things that's better that it sounds? Or no one would do it, heh. :slight_smile:
     
  14. AKTodd

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    So, regarding this point:

    A significant percentage of guys (call it 20% or a bit more) are not into anal sex (with 'not into' ranging from 'well, if you really want to we can' to 'Hell will freeze before I do that!!'). Another chunk of guys aren't going to care enough about anal to be particularly bothered if you don't want to do it (plenty of other fun things two (or more) guys can do together). Yet another chunk are bottoms/lean toward bottoming and so aren't going to be inclined to want to have you bottom with them.

    I fall into the 'well, if you want to do it, I suppose we can' side of the spectrum, but mainly find it to be more work than it's worth for the amount of pleasure received. And back when I was dating/hooking up I never found it to be an issue at all. In fact, most guys never even asked about anal unless we'd been getting together for a bit already. Some never asked about it at all.

    As far as being embarrassed about it - two thoughts:

    a) In my experience, if you treat some aspect of yourself as being worthy of shame - some number of people will step up to agree with you. If you own it and treat it as just a part of yourself that they will accept (because any other behavior is simply not an acceptable option), most people will do so.

    b) Never underestimate the power of positive marketing. Rather than focusing on what you're not into (if it turns out you're fully not into anal in any form), focus instead on what you are into. So, instead of saying you aren't into anal, talk about how you're into kissing, body contact, oral, mutual masturbation, or whatever combination of activities rocks your world. If you don't mention anal, most guys will get the message and either move on or decide that the other stuff you're into, as well as your other positive qualities, are in line with what they are looking for (or at least close enough).

    Incidentally, if you find you enjoy the toys, consider them as another one of your qualities - not a source of embarrassment, and something that some guys may be into enjoying with you and consider a positive quality along with your other ones.

    Hope this helps,

    Todd
     
  15. p190

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    Thanks for the replies. Todd, your response was really helpful. I'm going to continue to ramble here without any real specific question, but it's nice to put some of this stuff out there in a safe place

    So while it should be something that most people look forward to, I'm still struggling with pretty intense anxiety around dating and sex. Then I get depressed that these things that come so naturally to other people are really tough for me. It can be a ruthless cycle

    Part of me thinks it'd be nice to sleep with a random guy and build even just a tiny bit of confidence in that department before starting to date. I feel like it would take some of the pressure off. I've been thinking about looking around on hook-up apps just to see whats out there, try to weed out any creeps and be safe about it. I'm not naive and totally realize what type of dudes are typically on apps like that. But still. Maybe there's some "curious" guys out there or something who are also looking to experiment. I wish I could be more comfortable with sex and and not make it such a big source of anxiety.

    For what it's worth, I'm finding gay athletes stories really comforting in going through this crazy process of coming out. Ian Thorpe (came out at 31) and Robbie Rogers (came out at 25) are both pretty interesting. Just bought Robbie's book, "Coming Out To Play" and looking forward to reading it
     
  16. Domo2016

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    Hi there,

    I can totally relate to some parts of your coming out story. I think you are doing everything right and not rushing anything. Don't feel like you need to be under any pressure to do anything right now and take your time. I'm 28 and just came out in September so a lot of the emotional stuff you have been through I can relate. Your still very young.

    One thing that I've learned is that there really is no road map to coming out. Some people are out really young others like you and I slightly later but it doesn't matter. Coming out isn't easy. You don't have to give a reason to anyone because it's far too personal.

    All the best!

    Gary
     
  17. Ditz

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    You could tackle this transformation in both body and mind. You're already doing great sorting out your thoughts, to feel better about yourself and to perk up your mood you could join a gym and start benefitting from the endorphin boost you'd get from exercise. Combine that with a healthy diet and in no time you'll start to feel much better about yourself.

    A relationship is not all about sex... It's about finding someone that you find attractive, with whom you feel comfortable, with whom you have things in common, with whom you can talk to for hours on end. Someone who supports you and builds you up, and of course that works both ways, you need to be all those things to that person too. I might be considered concervative but I feel that sex is something that comes later in a relationship and that it's something you get better at with time. You can't expect to be an expert at it from the word go, and it will take time for you and your partner to grow into it... Guess what I'm trying to say is the first time will suck and then over time it will become better until you eventually figure out what works and what doesn't between the two of you. Hollywood sold us the false idea that it should be mind blowing every time... It doesn't work that way and it's certainly not fireworks every time.

    As far as being a Virgin, I think that's something special and definitely something to be proud of!

    Don't be so hard on yourself, take one step at a time. Join meet-up groups with other gay individuals, make new friends and chances are you'll meet someone that will give you butterflies.

    Up to this point you haven't allowed yourself to just be, you've always had your Gaurd up... To fall in love you need to be open to possibilities and I think you've only reached that point in your life now that you're being honest and open to yourself.

    Give it time, go with the flow and don't try to overthink things!
     
  18. p190

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    Nov 10, 2015
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    Location:
    NYC
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Thanks again for the replies all. Unfortunately, i feel like i've taken steps backwards and am just feeling more confused about my orientation again...

    Over the last few days, I've been questioning if i really might in fact be asexual or demisexual...i've seen others post on here that these orientations are quite rare and can often be a label that people use while they have underlying psychological or medical issues that are inhibiting sexual feelings. And with respect to people who truly are asexual, I can also totally understand how that label can potentially be problematic. I'm just trying to be really honest with myself, and part of me truly feels like i could be very very satisfied in a romantic relationship that did not involve sex, but rather other forms of closeness and intimacy. Part of me feels a big relief wash over me when I think that asexuality is part of me. Sometimes I feel like the only reason I want to have sex is to say that I actually did it and experienced it and gave it a shot. But it's difficult to imagine me being a relationship where sex is a regular part of it. I'm trying not to overthink things or make stuff more complicated or assign a bunch of random labels to my orientation, but all of this has really been confusing to me recently and just making me feel sad. That I don't know who I really am at my core.

    In terms of sexual feelings/fantasies and how that might relate to asexuality or being gay...

    I know for a fact that i am not physically aroused or feel sexual attraction towards women. I have never fantasized or been aroused by sexual thoughts about women. But i do know that i can feel strong romantic/emotional feelings towards the opposite sex.

    I also know that my past sexual fantasies have been about guys, but in more of a removed sort of way. Like i can be aroused by thinking about an attractive guy masturbating or imagining what he looks like naked. But i don't really fantasize about sex acts themselves - like imagining a guy giving me oral sex or hand job or being on top of me or kissing me have never really been a part of my sexual fantasies. I do sometimes try to fantasize about that stuff, but it almost feels forced and not so much arousing. I also don't know that I've ever really felt an emotional attraction to a guy before or really had a crush...but I'd almost be more open to exploring the emotional connection to guys than a sexual one at this point.

    I don't know, it's all just confusing me. I'm going to take a few steps back when I talk with my therapist next time and try to unpack my attractions/feelings. Maybe "queer" is something I identify/come out as at first and just explore a little bit. I'm also planning to see a medical doctor in the next few days to see if there might be some hormonal/chemical imbalance causing low libido or if getting on anti-anxiety/anti-depressant medication might clear my head a little bit and make my attractions more clear.