So have been having feelings for her many months.. At some point recently I felt like I've been slightly getting over the situation, when all of a sudden I said to myself that I am done, tired of playing mind games to hide my emotions and keep in tough with her same time. Marriage adds a lot more complexity for me .. So I Called her to see if can talk face to face but she was at the busy loud restaurant and agreed to call back. When she did, I chickened out and told her I changed my mind and can't ask her a question anymore. She really wanted to know and at that point it was a silly conversation, her trying to find out what my question was, and me scared like sh..t We hung up without me telling her. Wanted her to meet me at the store, cause that's where I was. When Came out, I see her car at the parking lot.. I did want to talk to her, how did she end up getting there without letting me know? Text her and call her, no answer. By the time I left she calls me and I tell her I can ask, but in person. Her response: okay ask me when I see you. Get home and see her txt response: ask me now or don't bother. I reply: you must suspect or can tell this by now. Her reply: no clue, now worries. My reply: maybe it's a good thing. So glad I did not tell her!! I feel she has no clue, meaning no feelings, meaning hopefully my effort to tell her was not much damage. What do you guys think??
I feel for you. I've felt like having this kind of conversation with my friends for months now. But I truly think most straight people literally have no idea. Like, it's not on their radar at all, and why should it be? One thing to consider: if you ever DO decide to tell, do it in person so she can't forward your texts to your husband or anyone else. Not saying she WOULD but be careful. I've decided to wait until I no longer have feelings for my friend before I tell her and other friends that I am bi. It is so tempting to imagine scenarios in which I tell her now and she reciprocates and we live happily ever after but I know this is unrealistic in the extreme. (Especially since I don't want to leave my marriage!) If anyone ever guesses about my feelings for my friend, I will deny I ever had any. For me, this is the only way forward.
Something that caught my eye - you titled your thread 'i almost told her' but you talk about asking her - so do you more want an answer from her (i assume the question if she has any feelings for you? or?) or if you want to tell her that you have feelings for her. I might be nitpicking here but for me there is a big difference between the two, and thus your expectations and reaction to her response whatever it may be. was in a situation not very different to yours, I was with a man and fell for a woman really really hard who I knew was bisexual. I recognize the feeling you have, that you just want to get clarity, I had the same. Got my heart broken there but that has nothing to do with your situation, just that I can relate you want to get it from your chest, but it might not be a bad idea to think what you actually want to achieve with telling/asking her and how you will feel afterwards, depending on her response.
CapColors, wanted to tell her in person to see her face, her eyes. I strongly suspect she may like same gender, she is also very guarded. Yeah, if it was over the phone, would be no way for me to tell what her true reaction/thoughts are. Eyes and body language say a lot. Definitely don't want anything forwarded..but I would trust her on that one though. I kind of know that my confession to her would have been somewhat pointless from real outcome perspective as there need to be drastic changes in my life to move in any direction.. Feeling what you feel must be frustrating since you are saying she is one of your good friends, I hope you move only in right direction! ---------- Post added 13th Nov 2015 at 11:03 AM ---------- Good catch! I don't know if it's both or either one. It was sooooo difficult for me to call and try to relay my thought to her.. I wanted to tell her right away, as I am a straight forward kind of person, but when it actually came down to conversation, I knew if I said need to talk to her about something she may freak out. I told her need to ask her a question, as my first question may have been if she ever was into a girl, or, maybe, when she looks at me does she see straight conservative married woman, or something different? Maybe that would have opened up a topic that either I or both may have benefited from.. Idk this is definitely not a phone conversation. As for the outcome, maybe I want to get Over my feelings, but don't know what will help. And before doing that, maybe stopping my 'no interest' act would help somehow? Maybe acting different from your true self is like a hidden lie creeping up and even making things worse? ---------- Post added 13th Nov 2015 at 11:07 AM ---------- Ok, typos in my original post: her text said Really no clue. No worries.
Dear Orchidea, Thank you so much for writing this post. I think it's so inspiring to see people actually trying to be vulnerable, stand in their vulnerability, and try to communicate their feelings. I think it's absolutely beautiful. It's OK that you changed your mind. Try to be compassionate with yourself so you forgive yourself for that. I would tell her anyway when you get the chance though, but do it face to face. You will tremble, you will feel your knees get weak (find a chair), your voice shaking, and your stomach churning. But here's the thing: 1) If you don't tell her, you will never know. 2) Telling her is the bravest thing you can do. Yes, you may get the shit kicked out of your heart, but you didn't let that threat stop you. And whatever you're feeling right now, whatever you will feel after you tell her, you don't have to be ashamed. Your feelings are natural, beautiful, and what you are doing with them is admirable. I rejected my first love when I was 19. I was totally in love with her (which she could obviously read) and she made a move on me, but I was too afraid of God's judgment, too afraid that she didn't really mean it, and too ashamed of my true sexuality (I was still far, far, far like at the very back of the closet) respond and connect with her about it. I was paralyzed. I loved her back, and I was paralyzed. Now she's married with a bunch of kids and she's the devout Christian, and if she ever actually comes out, I figure it will be a miracle. Do I regret it? To this very day. Now, I know that your situation isn't directly parallel to the one from my past. No two situations are ever quite the same. But I would encourage you to resolve your feelings, to learn and start practicing self-compassion, and to dare to be vulnerable.
Dear PlaidGlove, Glad it was inspirational though I didn't mean to Your warm reply did inspire me a bit. loved your story, though a bit sad, it is an example of how our life paths cross and go on to different directions. It must have been so hard for you to be mute about your feelings, and to now realize she was true love. But all things happen for a reason, and maybe your story has helped you realize your true self in life. I don't have stories involving girls, just boys. And first love you never forget, and, no one is ready for first love - that's why they almost never work out. I truly believe your true love, may it be another woman, will come along and when you least expect it! Thank you for your advises. I don't know when and if I will tell her. It depends on how interested she is to know and if she cares at all. I will probably see her this weekend (public place) and will act neutral. Don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. It is as they say, Not a rocket science. . She surely got it - it was personal. From little conversations we have, I've been always kind, humorous, and complimenting her here and there. There is nothing else personal that she should have deciphered from my attempt to talk to her. This is just an assumption, and if true, then my attempt was a good hint. Maybe time will arrange everything. I just need to be patient. If my heart gets broken, I won't be able to even cry.. (everyone at home will wonder)
As cool and calm as I want it to be, deep inside I feel terrified, embarrassed for acing a bit immature.. who on earth says one thing then changes their mind if it's so important. I guess I chickened out once realizing I was one step away from all possibilities and consequences that would unravel. If we were close friends, maybe ok. Don't know if I want or can see her, i feel completely exposed.. I guess there are at least two sides to this, not sure which one is true..
