I'd describe myself as someone who generally has self confidence. I'm sociable, not shy at all, and until recently pretty comfortable with myself. But now I'm out. And I'm suddenly extremely self conscious. And I hate it. I don't know how to deal with being 30 and feeling like a vulnerable 15 year old. I have found a very small community. I've already gone to one event and they seemed extremely nice and accepting. I have another event coming up next week and I'm super anxious. I keep asking myself such weird questions. Am I good-looking enough to be a later-in-life lesbian? Am I smart enough and accomplished enough to be a late-blooming lesbian? Charming enough? Will people take me seriously? What should I wear? Is this shirt too gay? Is it too straight? What the F am I thinking? I mean, seriously, I feel prepubescent here. Someone tell me this is normal. Please and thank you.
Are you good looking enough? Well, judging by your avatar photo, I'd say you have nothing to worry about. :icon_bigg In all seriousness, though, I think you know the answers to your questions. It's completely normal to feel anxious and self-conscious when coming out, leaving a long term relationship, joining a new community, etc. It's all normal! But don't worry, hon...it's all good. As someone who came out when 30 was just a quaint memory, 30 is not late! You still have your whole life ahead of you. You are fine, you will be fine. Just take a deep breath and keep moving forward. You got this.
You are cute and charming! I'd hit on you shamelessly. I know you've overcome some hardship through force of will and good character in your life, and that's always admirable. Also, your (ex)husband seems like a genuinely good man; that reflects well on you too. I understand your trepidation, though! Coming out is involves submitting yourself to a lot of new scrutiny. I think about it a lot, and some of that fear is why I'm not fully out yet.
Oh my goodness guys, I have to fit my head through the doorway this morning you know. :lol: Seriously you all made me blush, thank you for the compliments. :redface*hug*) I guess I feel very-much-later-in-life because I do have two children and I've been married for a decade--not really common for my age group, definitely not very common for a lesbian in my age group. I also prefer the company of people who are a few years older and am generally attracted to older women. Also, my dad died at 48 of a massive heart attack so I have this nagging (albeit irrational) fear that my years here are numbered. But that can be positive, it does push me (especially lately) to make the most of my life. But the insecurities are very real, and I thank all of you for being here, posting, and (without realizing it, perhaps) keeping me out of the damn closet. The trepidation is enough to make a girl want to run back to that cozy little cell...not sure if I could have stayed out without knowing there are others who are feeling the same way. It's like I've been a pro swimmer my entire life, and I'm really good at it and comfortable with it, but ya know, I've always just loved basketball, can't stop thinking about it, so I wake up one day and say, "Dammit, I'm going to go join the WNBA." It seems so absurd at times, but I know if I keep swimming I'm eventually just going to drown, despite my skill and comfort. So I have to put myself out there on this team of people who have been playing basketball for years and years and just hope that I'm welcome and that I'm a decent basketball player. Probably a horrible analogy but it's the only one I could come up with right now. This would be so much easier if we all just lived in the same city and could hang out with each other.
Everyone's said it already but I'll echo it, you're cute. And a lot of people are divorced with kids. That doesn't mean no one will date you. Your insecurities should fade the more you get out there. You'll find your people, your basketball team. There's a place in the world for all of us.
Have fun, and don't stress too much! You are adorable, and you seem like a good conversationalist based on your posts.
As a gay man who scores 5 on the Kinsey scale, I think you are cute and a wonderfully grounded person. The lesbians in your area will love you to death. QED
We need to chat! I am 33 and I can't imagine ever starting over. It is so wonderful to read that you are DOING it! I am sure things will get easier with time.
Hi Mellie Yep firstly I also agree you're beautiful and looks are not something you should worry about. I'm also re-entering into the world of socialising and making new (gay / queer) friends, for me with my confidence knocked after a few years of illness, weight gain and lost my fitness. I'm suffering the same sort of anxieties as you even though I know they're irrational - there's no such thing as what a lesbian looks like and if they're all intelligent or have certain traits. Even though some of the cliches are often true. It great you've already hooked up with a small number of people and just remember it takes time and you've taken the first steps, that's what matters. Seems to me you're doing everything the best way possible
Mellie why wouldn't these things be normal .. I suggest taking the age out of the equation I'm 42 and have just come out - and yes part of me feels much younger - why wouldn't it - it was squashed b4 Be kind to yourself. -all the questions your head has - answer yes Yes - we are who we are and that is good enough by my standard - Who are the gay crowd 'the in crowd ??? I'm me and I'm cool enough for me - Wear what we like what makes us feel good and let it all Just happen as it is supposed to -- Have fun !✨
Mellie, like everyone else has said, you're super cute! And of course all of these feelings are normal. Good for you for getting out there. It may be daunting but you're going to look back at this time later as a positive change, a start of something wonderful.
Thanks everyone. I love this forum so much. I'm going to practice what I always preach. Authenticity. This is me, take it or leave it. Really, I don't know how to be anyone but myself anyway. (*hug*)
Lol, don't know about clothes, but I can tell you are pretty confident, cute, smart according to your posts and photo. I feel like I am 15 as well, so yeah, normal:icon_wink and its great to feel this way for you at 30. Envy you a bit since you are out and ready to take on the world.
I share a lot of your feelings of self consciousness in a similar transition. Like you said, you're being authentic and that is beautiful. You seem like a catch to me, enjoy!
