I am new here and am confused! Me, female, married 20 years to a man. Unhappy in the marriage and have always questioned my sexuality. My friend (female) married 15 years and struggling in her marriage too. I have never had many friends, just never clicked with another woman. Now I have met this female friend. We talk constantly, from the time we wake until the time we go to bed. The longest we have gone without a text is 4 hours. We do this even when we are on business trips or on vacations with our husbands. It started gradually and has built to this point since last spring. We see each other several times a week, just for a few minutes here and there or going out to dinner or out for fun (just the 2 of us) other nights. Because I question my sexuality and have developed a crush on her, and because I have never had a friend like this, I don't know if it's normal? My husband jokes that we are dating now and complains that we are addicted to each other. Help!! Is this what friends do? I don't want this crush I have developed to ruin our friendship, but the fantasies going through my head are intense:icon_redf:icon_redf:icon_redf
Wow, I'm in such a similar situation. My best friend and I share a relationship like this and I'm bi and in love with her. I would say "typical" friends-only relationships are not NECESSARILY this close, but that they can be. I've always had intense relationships with my best friends, and others do too. However, it sounds like it's not "just friends" to you, which means that it doesn't really matter what other people do---your relationship is not just friends on your end. Falling for a friend is extremely common among people on this site---lots of gay people fall for their straight friends at some point, often before seeking out queer people to date. I've chosen to keep my feelings secret because I love my husband still and I don't want to ruin my friendship. However, for you, you may find that you are on the start of a path toward realizing you are bi or gay. In that case, she would be your "trigger crush". Search for threads here with those words and you will find examples of what I mean.
Thats my story to a T, except I was only married abt 8 yrs, and my best friend 10. Both of us unhappy in our marriages, and we became sooo close, my husband was also questioning our relationship b4 anything happened between us. Then one night we spent the night together, admitted we were in love with each other, and this is what we always,wanted. That was 8 months ago and there was no turning back. We are in love and have the most amazing bond. Its very complicated bc we are both still married living with our husbands and kids (our husbands know). What was a clue for me was that both of us, in the weeks leading up to our first night together, was both of us started casually mentioning being with a girl to kind of lget a feel. So I think we both knew it was going to happen
i should probably have mentioned that I have always known I had attraction to girls. My first crush at 12 was to my female assistant softball coach. I did what I thought I should do though, married young and started a family. I have read a few of your posts Cate1515 and noticed your story sounded so similar to mine in the early stages. Capcolors, I know what you are going through trying to hide a crush. It's not easy. I guess I am just so confused because, if this were a man, we probably would have already crossed the line and become intimate. Since this is another girl, there is no sure fire way to find out if she is interested. Maybe I will bring up being with girls next time she brings up Orange is the New Black lol.
We were already more than friends by that point we realized after. It took a few drinks to get us fired up and unable to resist the temptation but we weren't like really drunk and we both remember the night well, and obviously since we are still together and our relationship is stronger than ever it was meant to happen.
I can't fully speak from your view because I'm not married or have kids, but my best friend and I are extremely close. She's straight, and I'm not. We talk all day everyday, pretty much, and SHE jokes about us being lesbians. We get together ritually, and watch movies in bed, but it's not sexual. On the other hand, when I had my trigger crush, we were doing the same things as my bestie and I, but being a little more flirty, and I knew it was not purely a friend-relationship. So, I think it can be really hard to tell. If I found my best friend sexually attractive, I'd probably be analyzing everything we do as being more than friends. Some people like to talk constantly, and hang out a lot. It seems like you feel there's more, though. I would say tread lightly. Truth usually reveals itself.
My best friend and I text a lot (but we have very different schedules, so it's not even every day), and when we do get together, we kind of default back into laying against each other (especially as we drink) on the couch and being super affectionate. In our cases, we both have feelings for each other, and my husband knows there are current feelings (hers knows we were intimate in high school), and we are usually getting together with them there. They are ok with a certain level of affection, but there is a line we are careful not to cross. We have a few other close and long-time friends who know the situation, so it's nice to not have to hide our affection for one another, even though it has limits. In our case, we also know we'd be TERRIBLE life partners for one another, so leaving to be together is absolutely not an option for us.
