So it came up in conversation with ex husband #1 this weekend and I mentioned that I had fessed up to a woman about my attraction to her. Just like several other friends, he didn't bat an eye. I told him I thought it was hilarious that none of my friends or family are surprised that I'm fluid in my sexuality and never seemed even interested when I talk about being attracted to women. He said, oh, yeah, I always new you where like that [it should be noted that this is the man that took my virginity on our wedding night when I was 20, well before I even began to question my sexual and romantic feelings toward women or even other men.] What the deuce? Has anyone experienced this? I am suspicious that, while my friends may suspect this about me, that no one really takes it seriously or think that it's 'cute'. Culturally, it seems, women are almost expected to be attracted to other women if for nothing other than a novelty (though many of them never act upon it, myself included until now.) Curious stuff.... I did ask ex husband #2 last night and he was rather shocked but he has Asperger's and no interest in sex/romance so I've always been a complete puzzlement to him (and him to me lol).
My now wife did the same thing when I was questioning my sexuality eeeearly in our relationship. She just said "ok." And I was suuuper confused so I tried to dig deeper into what she meant by "ok," and she just explained in a frank manner that she already figured that was how I was. I'm an open and expressive person who shares my feelings with everyone and I have a lot of strong feelings for others. Ever since she has never not been an active and proud supporter of the community even long before I identified INTERNALLY that I was pansexual and came to terms with it. The real kicker was when I expressed I felt like my gender was wrong and she told me I've always been pretty androgynous and she thought I already knew I was like that. I had never even thought being trans was a reality for me but I think that those near us just pick up on our internal thoughts better than we do. She sees my face when I black out from stress. When someone calls me a girl on the phone she sees me Crack a smile when I'm barely even thinking about it, and I think I'm doing the right thing by correcting them. They're like dogs XD they know you better than you do! ---------- Post added 18th Nov 2015 at 05:16 AM ---------- A side note, my wife has aspergers as well, but her obsession has always been psychology, so ;p, she sees a lot.
That's very sweet. And, yes, others are our witnesses. I just never thought anyone was paying attention. If I had talked about it 10 years ago and was dismissed, I might have felt invalidated but, now, there's almost a comfort in that. I'm accepted and loved.
I reconnected with a cousin on Facebook whom I have seen only a handful of times. When I told her I was gay, she said she guessed that 30 years ago and was glad I was finally ok with it. The wife of another cousin told me she figured it out years ago too. And my brother was clearly uncomfortable but not in the least bit surprised. It seems that we're often the last ones to figure it out.
Honestly, if you consider how LONG they knew, they are probably sitting around waiting not for you to catch up but rather for you to ACTUALLY on it. I'd say it might be best to actually consider what effect might have had on their actions with you.
Yes, it would be interesting to do a mental review of the relationship. I was so caught up in my own drama, a prisoner in my own skin back then, that I was barely aware of others' perceptions of me. Ex husband #1 and I had a really amazing bonding moment over the weekend. I've never known him to be so validating over who I am, over my struggles back then and how forgiving of me he is. It made me realize that I was also so dismissive of his struggle in the marriage. I in no way wish to be with him romantically (or any man right now) but I left with a renewed sense of oneness. I felt so 'in love' and connected. (&&&)
When my wife was telling her friends about our issues before the wedding, and telling them that I was questioning my sexuality, a few told her that they thought I was gay when they met me. I'm not bothered by it per se, but these are people who barely know me, so them saying that really makes me go hmmmmm. My actual friends either know because I told them from the start, or were mostly shocked to find out when I did tell them that I like men.
Yeah, it's funny how that works. It's like we're the last to know what's going on with our own selves. It can be clear as day to people around us, but we spend half our lives having no idea. Then when we finally wake up and figure it out, they're staring at their watches going, well that took you long enough...!
