I know I am a lesbian. I am also married to a man. I have 2 sweet kids who have been jerked around because of my husbands military career way too many times. We are no longer in the military and bought a house not that long ago. I can tell my oldest (8 years old) feels really happy and secure for once. ALL of these things make me so anxiety ridden throughout the day. I want to be happy with who I am! I feel like I can't really be ME until I come out and start the road to separating from my husband. But how can I do that to him and the kids? He is such a good dad and we really do lean on one another. So then I think about what would have to happen in order for me to raise these kids without a dual income and a shared mortgage, etc. etc. I went back to work as a part time teacher assistant this year, which has been a huge step! It works because my 3 year old goes to preschool at the same place and the same time that I am working. So I don't have a daycare fee to worry about. That being said, I can't really afford to LIVE on this income. My question for others who have been through a separation or a divorce when they were not the main income in the house is......how did you do it? Has anyone continued to live with their spouse after a divorce so they could both get on their feet before moving out? I should love my life. I have so so many things that I am thankful for and I have been lucky. So why do I feel so trapped? It is a horrible feeling to have. ---------- Post added 20th Nov 2015 at 12:13 PM ---------- sorry this posted twice! Not sure how to delete one of them.
I can understand feeling trapped even when having everything I ever wanted to have. Thankfully, I'm on the other side of that now. The thing that worked for me was continuing to be more open to those around me (my husband and close friends) and refusing to hide who I am and what I think, even around people I'm not actually "out" to. So, I now put things on Facebook about LGBT/liberal issues instead of hiding my opinions, and I wear a bracelet my son made me with a rainbow on it. My husband and I are open to discussing my (and his) fantasies/dreams about each other AND other people. We haven't opened our marriage sexually, but we are being a lot more open with each other within it.
You are a bit further than I in establishing your true orientation. However, I have a husband too who is a pretty good dad. I work part time but we are financially very well due to his income. If I knew I could handle this on my own, I may try at least separation. However, I can't imagine how all this would happen financially.. Would be a pretty big thing to work out. I would probably need to go full time. Then, I wonder who will take care of kids right after school, and still have any time for newly found self. Anything in this world can be worked out for the sake of true non-material happiness. But, I agree it may have roadblocks and lots of adjustment..
