hi guys, so I'm 21 and I've only just realised over the past few months that I'm not straight, I'm bi. I've read a lot of threads on here about discovering your real sexuality later on but I just want to share my story, I guess because I've talked my one-friend-who-knows's ear off about my recent revelation.. So I've always been straight, I didn't even think about it, it was just fact. I've had relationships with boys and never wanted anything of the romantic/sexual nature with girls (until now). After thinking SO much about this whole thing, a few things sort of fell into place. I've always craved a best girl friend, and that might sound "normal" but I now look back and think that that's a small sign. I've always wanted closeness, physical and mental, with said non-existent best friend.... I've had best friends in the past but I was never anyone's BEST friend. Haha, okay this is sounding silly I know. Over the years I've had girl crushes and I think that initially they were just my appreciating a really cute girl and her attractiveness, but then I would find myself fantasising about girls being my girlfriend, along with sexual fantasies. Since my revelation, I have been so into girls and the thought of having a girlfriend and all that comes with that, so I then questioned if I was fully gay, but then remembered my feelings for guys. This whole thing has been somewhat of a journey... Okay, I guess that's it. I don't really know if there's much point to this post but I guess I would like to know if anyone honestly has similar situations, i.e. never supressing feelings for the same gender, only realising later on and so on. Thank you for reading :icon_bigg
Yes. All the things you describe, I've felt (and I would wager a good amount of other people here too). In HS/College I had some girl experiences but just chalked it up to immature irresponsible behavior. Later in my 20s I decided to find a guy to marry because 'it was time'. But he knew i was bi before we married and said I could date women whenever I wanted. Now in 40's I fell hopelessly for a woman, and so then and only then I really admitted to myself that I am Bi. It was the emotional piece that was missing until I met the right person, and now i realize the depth of feeling I am capable of I'm blown away by it. If you're open to it, maybe go on some dates with the ladies to see if you click with anyone. And try not to get married to a guy till you figure it all out
thanks @rachael1954 happy for you that you've found the love youve been looking for i'll take your advice and not rush into marriage just yet!
I'll second Rachael's answer about not rushing into anything... I had experiences in high school, mostly with my bff, but as I'd been dating my husband since high school, when he asked to be monogamous at 19 , I agreed (kind of stupidly in hind sight, but I wasn't actively with anyone else at that point). Anyway, flash forward to last summer, and I saw my bff on a vacation to a friend's wedding reception. It was the first time in MANY years since we'd been together for more than a couple of hours, and all the feelings came right back. I spent a tearful night apologizing to him for having feelings for her, ended up telling her (I was kind of a hysterical mess), and I've spent the last 16 months trying to integrate "bisexual" into my identity. I'm happily married, and I have no desire to get divorced, but I am also pretty sure I will want to at some point have sexual relations with women again. My husband and I are open about this, but moving at a glacial pace so we can get used to all of the feelings and options. By glacial, I mean 10-15 year plan! Anyway, I kind of wish I could have figured this all out back when I was 19 or 20 before we were engaged or married, so we could have negotiated our relationship differently, but we are working through everything. Good luck and keep us posted on how you are doing! (Oh, and when you get to 10 posts, you can write on people's walls - which are public - if you want to contact anyone specifically) (*hug*)
I basically had your experience (I was straight until I wasn't! And boy, I really wasn't!). But for me it came on much later, when my midlife hormones hit. I think I always had the potential (your comments about best friends ring very true for me--I LOVE having a best friend and mourn when I don't) but then I had the sex drive at about 30 and I couldn't deny it anymore. So it can happen! For me, finding out was traumatic and awful, because I am married to a straight, monogamous, vanilla man who I do not want to lose. If you aren't married, you've just hit the jackpot. Now you can go date anyone that catches your fancy. Go get yoruself a best friend...and sleep with her!
I get where you are coming from. Growing up I NEVER thought of myself as gay. I had crushes on boys and giggled and obsessed over the cute ones in magazines just like my friends did. But I always felt way more comfortable around close friends. I had what I now realize were crushes on many of them. In college, I was probably way more interested than the norm in my lesbian friends relationships (I went to an all women's college and was a theatre major, so I certainly had many gay friends as well as straight). It wasn't until I was about 24 that I really had the light bulb go off. Unfortunately I had already gotten married (to a wonderful man!) and I was well on my way to having a family. I don't think everyone who is gay HAS to have known since they were small. Sure, many people DO know at a young age and I think that it is wonderful! But, there are so many of us who either don't WANT to see what is really there or we simply don't realize it until later in life. There is no shame in that. I should take my own advice because I feel guilty every single day of my life for somehow ruining what should be a lifelong wonderful marriage. They say that sexuality is fluid. I also think the age and time in our lives when we finally come to terms with our sexuality is also pretty fluid.
Hihiho, I can really understand what you have gone through, and wish I had allowed myself to understand my feelings when I was younger. Anyway, I, too, wanted a best friend, that I could be close to, and thought I found that in high school. It didn't hurt that it was an all-male school, but I told myself I was straight.
Oh, my goodness yes. I suppressed and suppressed, and all of a sudden everything came out sideways! Same for my brother who is also Bi... but he's older than me and we came out at roughly the same time (to each other first, no less!). You are so lucky to be realizing all this before you're married! I'm in a similar place as CapColors. My husband is understanding, and is willing to work at our relationship, so thankfully I made a good choice. But things could have easily ended up very differently. Doesn't it feel good to stop pretending?
