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Is there a way to ask if someone is gay without being out?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SubZero, Nov 21, 2015.

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  1. SubZero

    SubZero
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    I made another thread similar to this a few days ago and I appreciate the advice. I'm just wondering if there's a way to ask if someone is gay WITHOUT disclosing my sexuality. There's this guy that's in some of my classes who I believe is gay, but I'm not 100% sure. He'll be graduating college in December and I don't think I'll see him after that. I find him attractive and I just want to know if he's gay before he graduates so I can maybe ask him out if he says yes.

    It was already hard for me to open up to 2 people about me being gay and I don't want to do that again right now. I see him at least 2 times a week and we work on homework together with a group of guys. Do you have any advice on how I can ask him if he's gay WITHOUT mentioning that I'm gay?
     
    #1 SubZero, Nov 21, 2015
  2. Clay

    Clay
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    You could ask him if he has a boyfriend or a girlfriend in conversation.
     
    #2 Clay, Nov 21, 2015
  3. Julietta

    Julietta
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    Yes. You get to know them a little and say casual and friendly like 'do you have a partner / significant other / date / anyone you like?'

    or you make one of those comments during chat where you say 'and what does your partner think about that?' Prompting them to say a) I don't have a partner or b) he / she thinks x,y,z

    Conversation is only strange when you're in lust / love with someone. If we could only speak to a potential love interest the way we would chat with anyone else a whole lot of insanity would be removed!
     
    #3 Julietta, Nov 21, 2015
  4. Lindsey23

    Lindsey23
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    Maybe ask him out to lunch or something, make sure you're alone with him and talk about random stuff. At some point in the conversation mention you like some song by some gay artist and ask him if he likes that song/artist. Lead the conversation to a gay topic and see how he reacts? Maybe if you bring up some LGBT issue and show support he'll feel comfortable and come out to you- if he's gay.

    He's graduating but is he moving away? Try to start a friendship with him now so that you can hang out with him after he graduates. That will buy you time.

    If you do hang out with him and the conversation is going well consider coming out to him. I know you don't want to but it might be worth the risk. If he's gay he'll come out to you for sure. If he's not gay you can pass it off by saying you just had to tell someone... If he's trustworthy he'll keep your secret.
     
    #4 Lindsey23, Nov 21, 2015
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